So its... Sunday night. I dunno the date, but it'll show up when I post this bitch.
As I speak, my sister is flying over the middle of the Atlantic, coming to see me!!!
I cant express how excited I am. To see her. For her to be traveling outside of the US.
This is her first time in a foreign country. I was hoping to go up this past friday night and spend the weekend partyin with my new Paris friends (who are all 18 and younger... imma have a tangent on that in a minute. I realize there is a lot that has gone down since my last blog. And yes, some blogs were even deleted). I was NOT able to find a place to stay all weekend though!! I could have stayed with these new friends of mine... if their parents were out of town???
alright, haha. let me explain. so i went up to paris about a month back to catch the Cool Kids. At the show, i met a group of Paris kids from the suburbs (the 94), who just so happened to be big fans of ATL. well. i went to this show with the intent to pass an all nighter since i didnt have a place to stay. the groups went on... AMAZING!! and then around 3am, they put on the house DJ and people started fading out. But not me, cause I didnt have anywhere to go and the clubs dont close till 530am. So around 330, im exhausted and posted up on this wall chillin, watchin the french youth suffer (aka dance), when this nerdy kid walks up to me and just starts talking to me. i asked him why his friend was sportin an A cap, and what he knew about the A. i remember being impressed with what he told me. he asked me my age and i said 22. i asked him, he said 18... ok, i knew where it was NOT going, so we talked some more. i tell him im stayin out all night to catch the train home first thing in the morning. he invites me to his place to crash for the night. he gave me my own room/bed, and a free tshirt which he'd designed.... him and his buddies are a cool group of kids. THEY KNEW ABOUT DJ KLEVER!! and a LOT of Atl hip hop!! its just too bad they can only party on the weekends cause theyve got school monday-friday. and that if they have friends over they have to sneak them out before their parents get home. It feels like theyre my students. I get to share with them all the cultural facts about Atl that my middle school students couldnt even fathom appreciating. And they teach me french from the suburbs, which i swear is a completely different dialect.
ummm... my train into Paris leaves at 430am. its now 1am. and im supposed to walk around paris all day tomorrow. we're going to the castle Chenenceau tuesday morning with my favorite teacher, then she's having us over to her place in the countryside for a barbecue with her son and my weed man. wednesday i'll show her around tours, do some Karaoke wednesday night. Thursday we'll go back to paris to see some more of the capital before catching a bus out around 10pm to amsterdam. we're going to spend the weekend, and 420 in amsterdam. her flight flies out of there monday back to ATL. I start my last week of school the next day. and exactly one week from then I move out of my apartment, and hop on a plane headed to Madrid. I'll spend the month of May traveling around Spain, cause lord knows my spanish has become shite. fingers crossed we make it to Ibiza for a weekend. I come back to france the Last week in May, before leaving Europe for good.
I'm flying Paris-New York. How long i get caught up there has yet to be determined. I just know my brother is getting married in Boston in mid July, and I'm going on a cross-country road trip in August.
I chopped all my hair off. I have a mini fro.
I'll be back at Georgia State this fall.
I'm not ready for the culture shock. I didnt wanna come back 2 months ago, and I'm still not ready to come back. But I've got business to take care of. And I gotta graduate already.
Here's to summertime.
dimanche 13 avril 2008
mercredi 27 février 2008
Bad News Bear
That's me alright. I got bad luck. Let me tell you about it, because I plan to forget it all tomorrow.
For starters, I lost 3 plane tickets due to insufficient documentation at the time of flight.
That's right. I didn't bring my passport.
I figured my government issued French ID was good enough.
Missed out on going to Vienna and Stockholm.
So remember...
Always have your passport.
***The good news is, I still made it to Amsterdam and Mainz, Germany.
I caught a bus back to Paris from Mainz late one Thursday night. I arrived around 6am, and caught the metro into town with this guy I'd met on the bus. We grabbed an espresso at a not so expensive cafe, then split, as he went to his sister's place and I went to the Eiffel Tour to catch the sunrise. (I know. I'm fucking weird. I'm so intrigued by the sunrise and sunset.) It was beautiful. I got some postcard like shots, which I then made into postcards, of course. Well, I got it in my head that I needed a smoke and that I'd just ask someone and get it. I asked one guy. No luck. Later, I met up with a classmate from GSU who is teaching in Paris, and we went to the Pigalle to see the Moulin Rouge, and maybe find a smoke. You know where this is going. I got fucked over 20 euros by this Arab. I called the motherfucker out on it, but I doubted myself and buckled. Most expensive piece of bark I've ever bought in my life. Hashish always comes in a bar shape also.
My phone bill was 50 big ones.
It was the first time ever in my life I didn't pay for a ticket on the bus to go to my weed man today. only 1,20euro a ticket. And of course they were checkin tickets 2 stops before mine. 40 euros fine.
I asked for a Jack Daniels on the rocks this evening at the bar (yea, I like it dirty). Pointing to the 2cl/3,00euro beverage. She brings me a glass with whiskey and a glass with ice. It doesn't look like much. I throw the whiskey on ice and sip on it slowly. Sometime later, she comes back with the bill. She'd charged me for the 4cl one. So then I sit there and argue with her for a good... 5 minutes, basically saying, "Why would I ask you for something that costs more than what I have? I never said four." So she takes the glass, goes to the bar, and comes back with it. What'd she fucking do? Pour some of it back into the Jack Daniels bottle?? I took it down, paid and left.
The day after I got home, I spilled soy sauce all over my comforter and all my sheets. I just wanted to make sushi. But I should know not to eat on my bed. I'm a bit of a pig.
Any good news, you ask?
I got paid today.
The day I got home from vacation, I'd received a letter in the mail from Stephanie. It was so lovely ^_^.
The weather was nice the first 3 days I got back. It sucked yesterday and today though...
School was easy Tuesday.
I have to wake up in 4 hours for 8 hours of school tomorrow... shit.
My back is really aching me.
The weed I just bought is KILLER!
I tried to score some tickets to The Cool Kids show in Amsterdam next week. But its on a school night. I was going to skip school to go to Amsterdam, and it would've been awesome. But my teacher called me out and said I couldn't skip. I thought I had them in the palm of my hands...
I'm going to buy a pair of Nike dunks online in the next couple days. I love the exchange rate. Didn't you hear? USA's the new Mexico! The Irish, French, British are all going over there with empty suitcases, just to do some weekend shopping cause it's DIRT CHEAP!
Well, I wont be doing any shopping. Well.... Ok, maybe only like 4 pairs of Nikes. It's like 30% off with free shipping.
I made a movie. Its pretty good. Check it out on my facebook. The quality of it on youtube sucks. I just found out today Kanye West's mother died... like 4 months ago.
I learned how to make sushi.
My vacation was awesome.
I love Amsterdam 15x's more than Paris (7x's more than Berlin, 5x's more than Granada - but Granada has much better weather...)
I guess that's it. I got a handful of books I'm planning on reading. Labyrinths, by Jorge Luis Borges. James Joyce, The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. And maybe Lord of the Rings, in French... hah. Didn't even read it in English.
Oh, and I woke up this morning to see I'd received an email from Chuck of The Cool KIds telling me he was putting me on the guest list for their show in Paris next week... Baller.
Alright, I have to force myself to sleep. I have to perform tomorrow.
bisous
Bear
For starters, I lost 3 plane tickets due to insufficient documentation at the time of flight.
That's right. I didn't bring my passport.
I figured my government issued French ID was good enough.
Missed out on going to Vienna and Stockholm.
So remember...
Always have your passport.
***The good news is, I still made it to Amsterdam and Mainz, Germany.
I caught a bus back to Paris from Mainz late one Thursday night. I arrived around 6am, and caught the metro into town with this guy I'd met on the bus. We grabbed an espresso at a not so expensive cafe, then split, as he went to his sister's place and I went to the Eiffel Tour to catch the sunrise. (I know. I'm fucking weird. I'm so intrigued by the sunrise and sunset.) It was beautiful. I got some postcard like shots, which I then made into postcards, of course. Well, I got it in my head that I needed a smoke and that I'd just ask someone and get it. I asked one guy. No luck. Later, I met up with a classmate from GSU who is teaching in Paris, and we went to the Pigalle to see the Moulin Rouge, and maybe find a smoke. You know where this is going. I got fucked over 20 euros by this Arab. I called the motherfucker out on it, but I doubted myself and buckled. Most expensive piece of bark I've ever bought in my life. Hashish always comes in a bar shape also.
My phone bill was 50 big ones.
It was the first time ever in my life I didn't pay for a ticket on the bus to go to my weed man today. only 1,20euro a ticket. And of course they were checkin tickets 2 stops before mine. 40 euros fine.
I asked for a Jack Daniels on the rocks this evening at the bar (yea, I like it dirty). Pointing to the 2cl/3,00euro beverage. She brings me a glass with whiskey and a glass with ice. It doesn't look like much. I throw the whiskey on ice and sip on it slowly. Sometime later, she comes back with the bill. She'd charged me for the 4cl one. So then I sit there and argue with her for a good... 5 minutes, basically saying, "Why would I ask you for something that costs more than what I have? I never said four." So she takes the glass, goes to the bar, and comes back with it. What'd she fucking do? Pour some of it back into the Jack Daniels bottle?? I took it down, paid and left.
The day after I got home, I spilled soy sauce all over my comforter and all my sheets. I just wanted to make sushi. But I should know not to eat on my bed. I'm a bit of a pig.
Any good news, you ask?
I got paid today.
The day I got home from vacation, I'd received a letter in the mail from Stephanie. It was so lovely ^_^.
The weather was nice the first 3 days I got back. It sucked yesterday and today though...
School was easy Tuesday.
I have to wake up in 4 hours for 8 hours of school tomorrow... shit.
My back is really aching me.
The weed I just bought is KILLER!
I tried to score some tickets to The Cool Kids show in Amsterdam next week. But its on a school night. I was going to skip school to go to Amsterdam, and it would've been awesome. But my teacher called me out and said I couldn't skip. I thought I had them in the palm of my hands...
I'm going to buy a pair of Nike dunks online in the next couple days. I love the exchange rate. Didn't you hear? USA's the new Mexico! The Irish, French, British are all going over there with empty suitcases, just to do some weekend shopping cause it's DIRT CHEAP!
Well, I wont be doing any shopping. Well.... Ok, maybe only like 4 pairs of Nikes. It's like 30% off with free shipping.
I made a movie. Its pretty good. Check it out on my facebook. The quality of it on youtube sucks. I just found out today Kanye West's mother died... like 4 months ago.
I learned how to make sushi.
My vacation was awesome.
I love Amsterdam 15x's more than Paris (7x's more than Berlin, 5x's more than Granada - but Granada has much better weather...)
I guess that's it. I got a handful of books I'm planning on reading. Labyrinths, by Jorge Luis Borges. James Joyce, The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. And maybe Lord of the Rings, in French... hah. Didn't even read it in English.
Oh, and I woke up this morning to see I'd received an email from Chuck of The Cool KIds telling me he was putting me on the guest list for their show in Paris next week... Baller.
Alright, I have to force myself to sleep. I have to perform tomorrow.
bisous
Bear
jeudi 7 février 2008
Turn on, tune in, drop out
It doesn't feel like it's time to go on vacation again. But here I am, yet again, less than 48 hrs from arrival in one of the baddest cities I've ever set foot in. Paris, ok, yes, but.. even RADDER-
Amsterdam.
moment of silence.
word. but not only am I going to Amsterdam. here is my decided route for the next two weeks. call me a bit of a gypsy if you will...
February 9-13 Amsterdam
February 14-18 Mainz
February 18-22 Vienna
February 22-25 Stockholm
I opted against Dublin last minute. I thought it was going to be too expensive, and at the time of purchase it was. BUT, instead! I now get to go visit the ORIGINAL H&M in Stockholm. I get to eat authentic Swedish meatballs. I got hooked up to stay with a family, so maybe I'll even get to try an authentic smörgåsbord!!! lol. far out. I never thought I'd be able to say all that.
I'm visiting friends in both Mainz and Vienna, and possibly Amsterdam. I'm still waiting to hear back from another friend who's studying in England. It's funny, I've met quite a few people in Europe who I originally met v.i.a. Starbucks... hmm.
And Amsterdam... I'm going to try as many different types of herb as I can. I have a couple names that were recommended to me, of both weed and hashish. I'm going to be there 5 days. Last time, I believe it was just 3, so baby here we go! And believe it or not, I might be returning back to Amsterdam to meet an Atlien from March 1-4, then going to Paris to meet yet another, March 4-5, then going from Tours BACK to Amsterdam the following weekend, March 7 for some kind of techno, electro, whatever... it's a free trip back to Amsterdam for the weekend, I'm going to say I don't have anything planned. word. 3 trips to the Dam in 1 month. That's unheard of.
I was going to buy another backpack, more like a traveling one, but they were all suitcase style, or school books style, so not the style I needed for my type of trip. I have to go out tomorrow to try and find a Tours flag for the German guy Alex who was here in Tours last semester. It turns out he too lives in Mainz, so I'm going to visit him while I'm visiting Michael O. Michael is expecting me to arrive from Amsterdam completely blitzed still (at 5am!). It also just so happens to be Valentines day the day I arrive, so at least I wont be alone on this day of love! I will have my buddy to keep me company! Maybe we will go to lunch or something. He's got class in the morning and another in the evening. Maybe I will go to hear him teach poetry to German college kids! haha. That'd be interesting. I am a lit major!! and poetry is for Valentines day!
Vienna... I'm thinking a few of the older castles... I'm going to leave it up to Tomek to show me around town. He might know a neat path into the mountains. I'd be down for a hike!
I've been jamming out to two songs by Animal Collective- Leaf House, and Winter's Love. I love the melody in Leaf House. It makes me feel, when I close my eyes, like I'm running through the forest.. my hands are out at my side, like I'm a bird.. and as I run I dodge the trees. their limbs.. I duck, I turn, I jump. The leaves and twigs graze and slightly scrape against my arms and sides.. I reach an opening and break forth into a sprint, across a field nestled deep in the valley of snow peaked mountains.. I can feel the cold wind as I cut sharply through it. I love the way it feels on the sides of my face, on my cheeks, it hurts when I smile, but I'm so filled with joy. and then, I dive into the river rapids!! It's so cold! But it feels so wonderful!! I want to visit the Arctic Ocean. Or maybe Alaska. Somewhere up in Yukon.. and bathe in a hot spring!
I feel lately like I've begun to take a lot more initiative to make things happen for myself in my life. Take for instance this trip. Or getting to school on time. Keeping my room clean. Cooking for myself. Preparing lessons for my students.. all the things I should have been doing in the past, but was always too lazy to do. Everyone loves a stoner, but no one loves a lazy, dirty hippy. Gypsies are not the same as hippies!! Therefore I don't have to feel guilty when I watch Southpark, because they have not yet done an episode mocking Gypsies.... ...
I got a carepackage last week in the mail!! IN FACT, on that very same day, the package which I'd sent to this person ALSO arrived arrived in their hands!! I was so excited. I told another friend of the irony, since I mailed my package off nearly a month and a half before he mailed his! To which my friend replied, "It was like serendipity..." God, he is so my serendipity. I hate that stupid film. This has nothing to do with that movie!!
One of these days I wont have to be so discreet with my blogs.. If you keep up with me, they will become more and more detailed. The names, such as the one missing from above, will be revealed... along with a photo. EVERYTHING will be revealed!! and I will be liberated! and life will be free! and beautiful! but for now, I rest in the hands of tomorrow. What will I still hold in my hands tomorrow? What will I pick up? and what will I let go? This is how it will remain. It'll be affirmed soon...
I have to go. This lsd is making me a bit chatty..
here's to 2 weeks of crazy adventures!
bear
Amsterdam.
moment of silence.
word. but not only am I going to Amsterdam. here is my decided route for the next two weeks. call me a bit of a gypsy if you will...
February 9-13 Amsterdam
February 14-18 Mainz
February 18-22 Vienna
February 22-25 Stockholm
I opted against Dublin last minute. I thought it was going to be too expensive, and at the time of purchase it was. BUT, instead! I now get to go visit the ORIGINAL H&M in Stockholm. I get to eat authentic Swedish meatballs. I got hooked up to stay with a family, so maybe I'll even get to try an authentic smörgåsbord!!! lol. far out. I never thought I'd be able to say all that.
I'm visiting friends in both Mainz and Vienna, and possibly Amsterdam. I'm still waiting to hear back from another friend who's studying in England. It's funny, I've met quite a few people in Europe who I originally met v.i.a. Starbucks... hmm.
And Amsterdam... I'm going to try as many different types of herb as I can. I have a couple names that were recommended to me, of both weed and hashish. I'm going to be there 5 days. Last time, I believe it was just 3, so baby here we go! And believe it or not, I might be returning back to Amsterdam to meet an Atlien from March 1-4, then going to Paris to meet yet another, March 4-5, then going from Tours BACK to Amsterdam the following weekend, March 7 for some kind of techno, electro, whatever... it's a free trip back to Amsterdam for the weekend, I'm going to say I don't have anything planned. word. 3 trips to the Dam in 1 month. That's unheard of.
I was going to buy another backpack, more like a traveling one, but they were all suitcase style, or school books style, so not the style I needed for my type of trip. I have to go out tomorrow to try and find a Tours flag for the German guy Alex who was here in Tours last semester. It turns out he too lives in Mainz, so I'm going to visit him while I'm visiting Michael O. Michael is expecting me to arrive from Amsterdam completely blitzed still (at 5am!). It also just so happens to be Valentines day the day I arrive, so at least I wont be alone on this day of love! I will have my buddy to keep me company! Maybe we will go to lunch or something. He's got class in the morning and another in the evening. Maybe I will go to hear him teach poetry to German college kids! haha. That'd be interesting. I am a lit major!! and poetry is for Valentines day!
Vienna... I'm thinking a few of the older castles... I'm going to leave it up to Tomek to show me around town. He might know a neat path into the mountains. I'd be down for a hike!
I've been jamming out to two songs by Animal Collective- Leaf House, and Winter's Love. I love the melody in Leaf House. It makes me feel, when I close my eyes, like I'm running through the forest.. my hands are out at my side, like I'm a bird.. and as I run I dodge the trees. their limbs.. I duck, I turn, I jump. The leaves and twigs graze and slightly scrape against my arms and sides.. I reach an opening and break forth into a sprint, across a field nestled deep in the valley of snow peaked mountains.. I can feel the cold wind as I cut sharply through it. I love the way it feels on the sides of my face, on my cheeks, it hurts when I smile, but I'm so filled with joy. and then, I dive into the river rapids!! It's so cold! But it feels so wonderful!! I want to visit the Arctic Ocean. Or maybe Alaska. Somewhere up in Yukon.. and bathe in a hot spring!
I feel lately like I've begun to take a lot more initiative to make things happen for myself in my life. Take for instance this trip. Or getting to school on time. Keeping my room clean. Cooking for myself. Preparing lessons for my students.. all the things I should have been doing in the past, but was always too lazy to do. Everyone loves a stoner, but no one loves a lazy, dirty hippy. Gypsies are not the same as hippies!! Therefore I don't have to feel guilty when I watch Southpark, because they have not yet done an episode mocking Gypsies.... ...
I got a carepackage last week in the mail!! IN FACT, on that very same day, the package which I'd sent to this person ALSO arrived arrived in their hands!! I was so excited. I told another friend of the irony, since I mailed my package off nearly a month and a half before he mailed his! To which my friend replied, "It was like serendipity..." God, he is so my serendipity. I hate that stupid film. This has nothing to do with that movie!!
One of these days I wont have to be so discreet with my blogs.. If you keep up with me, they will become more and more detailed. The names, such as the one missing from above, will be revealed... along with a photo. EVERYTHING will be revealed!! and I will be liberated! and life will be free! and beautiful! but for now, I rest in the hands of tomorrow. What will I still hold in my hands tomorrow? What will I pick up? and what will I let go? This is how it will remain. It'll be affirmed soon...
I have to go. This lsd is making me a bit chatty..
here's to 2 weeks of crazy adventures!
bear
jeudi 24 janvier 2008
*sniffle*
Ive got the travel bug. But it's more precise this time. I don't want to just travel anywhere. I've seen a lot already, so now my imagination is thinking of new things to see.
I want to see as many world wonders,
and visit as many different countries as possible this year.
In a few days, I get paid, and I'm going to book a trip. Amsterdam Netherlands, Mainz Germany, Vienna Austria, and Dublin Ireland. Four days to a city, sixteen days of vacation. I'm visiting friends in the last three of the four cities, and I have two friends from Tours coming with me to Amsterdam. Id also like to try and stop in Koln (Cologne) Germany briefly.
Then, in April, I have another vacation of two weeks. If my sister comes into town, she may very well want to go to Amsterdam for a couple days. I'd like to try and go to Spain, but we may keep it local to France, depending on funds.
May is when things are going to get crazy. I move out of my apartment on May 1st, then in about a week, I'll get started. I'm not sure the order yet, but Switzerland, England, Italy, Spain, Portugal, and Morocco are high on my list. I think I can get plane tickets to all of those places for less than 200. This is why I love Europe. That's about a month's worth of travel. I'll need that open mind time to make my decision in June either to stay in Europe or to return to America.
Concerning World Wonders, Stonehenge, maybe the Tower of Pisa, and the Colosseum in Rome... those are just the popular ones. There are so many world wonders.
love.
I want to see as many world wonders,
and visit as many different countries as possible this year.
In a few days, I get paid, and I'm going to book a trip. Amsterdam Netherlands, Mainz Germany, Vienna Austria, and Dublin Ireland. Four days to a city, sixteen days of vacation. I'm visiting friends in the last three of the four cities, and I have two friends from Tours coming with me to Amsterdam. Id also like to try and stop in Koln (Cologne) Germany briefly.
Then, in April, I have another vacation of two weeks. If my sister comes into town, she may very well want to go to Amsterdam for a couple days. I'd like to try and go to Spain, but we may keep it local to France, depending on funds.
May is when things are going to get crazy. I move out of my apartment on May 1st, then in about a week, I'll get started. I'm not sure the order yet, but Switzerland, England, Italy, Spain, Portugal, and Morocco are high on my list. I think I can get plane tickets to all of those places for less than 200. This is why I love Europe. That's about a month's worth of travel. I'll need that open mind time to make my decision in June either to stay in Europe or to return to America.
Concerning World Wonders, Stonehenge, maybe the Tower of Pisa, and the Colosseum in Rome... those are just the popular ones. There are so many world wonders.
love.
mardi 22 janvier 2008
i am woman
I am human. I am woman. I am love. Break me not.
I've entered into an odd state of mind the past couple of days. I've been feeling insufficient. Like I'm not performing to my ability perhaps. I think because I'm not happy, I'm not enjoying my life right now, I am not performing. Its much more than me just "not enjoying work". I have less a desire to work hard at work. Because I'm not happy. When shit goes wrong, I am NOT happy. It sucks that much more. But what could I change that would make my life not suck so hard right now??? Actually, I don't think its the life here that sucks. I was knocked on my ass before I ever got here. And now I know exactly how to change that. I'll write more. I have to get my head outside of this box.
sorry to jet. it was a fleet thought.
bear
I've entered into an odd state of mind the past couple of days. I've been feeling insufficient. Like I'm not performing to my ability perhaps. I think because I'm not happy, I'm not enjoying my life right now, I am not performing. Its much more than me just "not enjoying work". I have less a desire to work hard at work. Because I'm not happy. When shit goes wrong, I am NOT happy. It sucks that much more. But what could I change that would make my life not suck so hard right now??? Actually, I don't think its the life here that sucks. I was knocked on my ass before I ever got here. And now I know exactly how to change that. I'll write more. I have to get my head outside of this box.
sorry to jet. it was a fleet thought.
bear
dimanche 20 janvier 2008
its about getting there and coasting, my friend
So I'm writing again. Sooner than I'd imagined. Perhaps its because on a regular basis, I've begun telling myself "Oh! I should write about this... about that.."
So it's now sunday. noon:10. And theres nothing to do today. So Im going to write. Its been cloudy outside the whole week. I bought 3 new pairs of shoes during the sales (which last 6 weeks by the way). Three pairs for 40 euro. One of them is a pair of boots, but they're suede and I cant wear them until I put water protection stuff on them. The other 2 are just cute little ballet flats. I like them a lot. But now I am feeling like I need to buy outfits to go with my shoes, and money for that, I just don't have.
I think I'm a little over my living situation. I mean, Thang is awesome. He's been awesome since day 1. Yohann and his homeboys are awesome. But hes gone every other month for work. With my other neighbors, I feel its become a lot more "hello" in the hallways, and then running inside our rooms and locking the door behind us. If I'm doing dishes in the kitchen, and someone comes out of their room and hears me, they go back in and dont say a word. Its quite odd. There are some french habits which I'm trying my hardest not to pick up. For instance, people in the streets never look a stranger in the face. I stopped after a while because of all the strange looks I would get for looking at people and not looking straight ahead or at the ground when they walked by.
I cut Thang's hair!! No large holes anywhere, no jagged edges. Cutting hair is like sculpture, and if I hadn't majored in languages, I would have done sculpture. Or maybe photography, but thats too expensive a major. I have moments where I wish, I wish so bad that I'd gone to school for art. But it's cool. I would have become a different person, people would have had different expectations of me, I would have become a total hipster..
This past week was a quick one. Ive found myself refusing to look at the date. I dont want to know. I dont care. Tell me when it's Jan/Feb/Mar/Apr 27 (cause thats when I get paid), then Feb 9(cause thats when vacation starts and I leave for Amsterdam), then March 9 (grandmothers birthday), and April 5 (last vacation/my sister comes to town), Apr 18 (mom's bday), April 20, may 8 - my birthday! Ive been doing pretty much the same lesson with all of my students. Ive been playing M.A.S.H. and they fucking LOVE that shit!! Even the teachers are like, "can you do that again next week??" This is probably the easiest lesson Ive done yet. It gets them learning job names, cars, animals, money, and then at the end they make sentences with all their findings. Who would have thought that this cheesy game that I played in junior high would be just as popular amongst french kids??
I need to stop drinking all together. After tomorrow though, cause I bought some steaks and some Bordeaux Cabernet Sauvignon, and steak just goes perfectly with a glass of red. Or maybe next week. Theres a joint birthday party for 3 assistants... Ill drink less.. Im also quitting cigs too. But that will be a lot harder to do. Ive started eating my cigarettes like candy. In other words, the smoke just tastes so good. And when I inhale/exhale I breathe in/out slooowly as the smoke glides over my tongue....
There was a little less drama between myself and the troublesome teachers this week. I still went out friday night though and drank entirely too much to "forget about it all".
Actually, those arent my thoughts at all when I drink. It more like, I have subconsciously convinced myself that life on substances is much more at ease than not. For some reason I feel the need to put distance between myself and others, and in doing so I can understand them more. I have more patience, I have more interest, im more easily intrigued... But is this really true, or have the past five years of my life begun to alter my reality? I am no doubt in the middle of a paradigm shift of my existence. My life will NOT be the same in 5 months. My surroundings will be different, my thought process will have changed, I will be more mature... When I finally settle in, it will feel as if it happened overnight. But in actuality, it started a couple years ago. Its like when I was little, learning how to ride a bike. I know for a fact that i went through the tricycle, then training wheels, then the real deal, but riding a bike now has become such habit to me that I cant recall the process. Ive been somewhat living on my own now for the past 3 years that walking is becoming habit. that making BIG decisions is becoming comfortable. that handling responsibilities boosts my confidence, that separation from my close family unit that i grew up with, is not so bad at all.
Im not sure if I made mention of this idea before, but Ill say it again. In my opinion, summer time is for outward growth, and winter time is for inward growth. In the summer time, we strip down to barely nothing, we meet with friends, we dance, we go to more parties, we socialize, we take in energy from the sun, our skin glows and radiates. And in the wintertime, we put on as many layers as necessary, its back on the grind, back to school, to work, fewer gatherings, its much more of an inward struggle. But its healthy this way. Which brings me to my next thought. Is this why people in California, Miami, people who live in hot states tend to be more superficial? skin deep? Because they spend most of their time perfecting their outward appearance? Because they have fewer cold months to reflect inwardly? And perhaps why New Yorkers, people who live in the New England states in general tend to be more intellectual, analytical, maybe they think about everything a little too much? I hope Im not offending anyone by making these statements. I am by no means referring to anyone in particular. This is just a thought. Im sorry. I just start rambling sometimes. But you get what Im saying? Alls I'm sayin is, its winter time and I gots ta work on my character! Cause the warm months are just around the corner, and I gotta present myself with some class.
Im needing sunlight like I need a giant boba straw to complete my homemade bong that I just made. This gloomy weather is making it hard for me to be happy all the time. No... well maybe its a toss up between the shitty weather and the sexual deprivation. These are lonely times. Or rather, character building times. Im working on patience, tolerance, compassion, organization, tidiness, punctuality, and healthiness. Im learning how to take care of myself. These past 4 months have been like... a hermitage almost. I mean, not a hardcore, for serious hermitage because I've made friends, I go outside my apt almost everyday. But for real though, I am having to deal with myself and learn about myself in new ways. I am outside of my normal social settings of family, close friends, and all things familiar. My decisions are becoming my own, and they are becoming a genuine reflection of myself. So having said that, I have to start making better decisions.
My hair is trying so badly to dred up. Its a constant struggle. I dont want dreds. I love them, but I know I couldnt handle/maintain them. I am still trying to grow my hair out.
I suppose today will be a day of laundry and housecleaning. Maybe tweak out a lesson plan or two. make those steaks. Heres to another week.
love
bear
So it's now sunday. noon:10. And theres nothing to do today. So Im going to write. Its been cloudy outside the whole week. I bought 3 new pairs of shoes during the sales (which last 6 weeks by the way). Three pairs for 40 euro. One of them is a pair of boots, but they're suede and I cant wear them until I put water protection stuff on them. The other 2 are just cute little ballet flats. I like them a lot. But now I am feeling like I need to buy outfits to go with my shoes, and money for that, I just don't have.
I think I'm a little over my living situation. I mean, Thang is awesome. He's been awesome since day 1. Yohann and his homeboys are awesome. But hes gone every other month for work. With my other neighbors, I feel its become a lot more "hello" in the hallways, and then running inside our rooms and locking the door behind us. If I'm doing dishes in the kitchen, and someone comes out of their room and hears me, they go back in and dont say a word. Its quite odd. There are some french habits which I'm trying my hardest not to pick up. For instance, people in the streets never look a stranger in the face. I stopped after a while because of all the strange looks I would get for looking at people and not looking straight ahead or at the ground when they walked by.
I cut Thang's hair!! No large holes anywhere, no jagged edges. Cutting hair is like sculpture, and if I hadn't majored in languages, I would have done sculpture. Or maybe photography, but thats too expensive a major. I have moments where I wish, I wish so bad that I'd gone to school for art. But it's cool. I would have become a different person, people would have had different expectations of me, I would have become a total hipster..
This past week was a quick one. Ive found myself refusing to look at the date. I dont want to know. I dont care. Tell me when it's Jan/Feb/Mar/Apr 27 (cause thats when I get paid), then Feb 9(cause thats when vacation starts and I leave for Amsterdam), then March 9 (grandmothers birthday), and April 5 (last vacation/my sister comes to town), Apr 18 (mom's bday), April 20, may 8 - my birthday! Ive been doing pretty much the same lesson with all of my students. Ive been playing M.A.S.H. and they fucking LOVE that shit!! Even the teachers are like, "can you do that again next week??" This is probably the easiest lesson Ive done yet. It gets them learning job names, cars, animals, money, and then at the end they make sentences with all their findings. Who would have thought that this cheesy game that I played in junior high would be just as popular amongst french kids??
I need to stop drinking all together. After tomorrow though, cause I bought some steaks and some Bordeaux Cabernet Sauvignon, and steak just goes perfectly with a glass of red. Or maybe next week. Theres a joint birthday party for 3 assistants... Ill drink less.. Im also quitting cigs too. But that will be a lot harder to do. Ive started eating my cigarettes like candy. In other words, the smoke just tastes so good. And when I inhale/exhale I breathe in/out slooowly as the smoke glides over my tongue....
There was a little less drama between myself and the troublesome teachers this week. I still went out friday night though and drank entirely too much to "forget about it all".
Actually, those arent my thoughts at all when I drink. It more like, I have subconsciously convinced myself that life on substances is much more at ease than not. For some reason I feel the need to put distance between myself and others, and in doing so I can understand them more. I have more patience, I have more interest, im more easily intrigued... But is this really true, or have the past five years of my life begun to alter my reality? I am no doubt in the middle of a paradigm shift of my existence. My life will NOT be the same in 5 months. My surroundings will be different, my thought process will have changed, I will be more mature... When I finally settle in, it will feel as if it happened overnight. But in actuality, it started a couple years ago. Its like when I was little, learning how to ride a bike. I know for a fact that i went through the tricycle, then training wheels, then the real deal, but riding a bike now has become such habit to me that I cant recall the process. Ive been somewhat living on my own now for the past 3 years that walking is becoming habit. that making BIG decisions is becoming comfortable. that handling responsibilities boosts my confidence, that separation from my close family unit that i grew up with, is not so bad at all.
Im not sure if I made mention of this idea before, but Ill say it again. In my opinion, summer time is for outward growth, and winter time is for inward growth. In the summer time, we strip down to barely nothing, we meet with friends, we dance, we go to more parties, we socialize, we take in energy from the sun, our skin glows and radiates. And in the wintertime, we put on as many layers as necessary, its back on the grind, back to school, to work, fewer gatherings, its much more of an inward struggle. But its healthy this way. Which brings me to my next thought. Is this why people in California, Miami, people who live in hot states tend to be more superficial? skin deep? Because they spend most of their time perfecting their outward appearance? Because they have fewer cold months to reflect inwardly? And perhaps why New Yorkers, people who live in the New England states in general tend to be more intellectual, analytical, maybe they think about everything a little too much? I hope Im not offending anyone by making these statements. I am by no means referring to anyone in particular. This is just a thought. Im sorry. I just start rambling sometimes. But you get what Im saying? Alls I'm sayin is, its winter time and I gots ta work on my character! Cause the warm months are just around the corner, and I gotta present myself with some class.
Im needing sunlight like I need a giant boba straw to complete my homemade bong that I just made. This gloomy weather is making it hard for me to be happy all the time. No... well maybe its a toss up between the shitty weather and the sexual deprivation. These are lonely times. Or rather, character building times. Im working on patience, tolerance, compassion, organization, tidiness, punctuality, and healthiness. Im learning how to take care of myself. These past 4 months have been like... a hermitage almost. I mean, not a hardcore, for serious hermitage because I've made friends, I go outside my apt almost everyday. But for real though, I am having to deal with myself and learn about myself in new ways. I am outside of my normal social settings of family, close friends, and all things familiar. My decisions are becoming my own, and they are becoming a genuine reflection of myself. So having said that, I have to start making better decisions.
My hair is trying so badly to dred up. Its a constant struggle. I dont want dreds. I love them, but I know I couldnt handle/maintain them. I am still trying to grow my hair out.
I suppose today will be a day of laundry and housecleaning. Maybe tweak out a lesson plan or two. make those steaks. Heres to another week.
love
bear
mardi 15 janvier 2008
Its Rainy Season
ok. I'm writing another blog. Hopefully, this wont take me three days like the last one. I'll go until I draw a blank, how bout that?
hmm...
Ok, I'll try again. And I'll make a real effort this time to conjure up the thoughts and ideas and events from the past 10 or so days.
Right, so pretty much Berlin was amazing!! Ich habe ein Bissen Deutsch gelernt! I left the day after Christmas via Eurolines, the european coach bus, around 1045. I caught a bus coming up north from Madrid. the bus driver spoke to me in French with a strong Castillan accent. It was an extremely muggy wednesday, with a heavy fog.
Immediately when I got on the bus, I got that feeling again. The one where it feels like my mind is exploding. My heart beats uncontrollably; vibrant images flash through my head as I visualize myself in another foreign country learning yet another language. Another culture to experience, more food to eat. I was ready to get down. I was ready to party.
The first stop was Paris. There was an older black man sitting behind me mumbling to himself. I had a brief feeling of displacement right then. I felt as if I were in New Orleans, or somewhere down in that deep south. As it turned out, the man was a paraplegic. It looked as though he was missing up to his left elbow as well as his left leg up to the knee. I couldn't tell if he had his right leg in its entirety, but he had a full right arm. There was also the two dirty looking North Africans who threatened to fight the paraplegic. Oh man... Paris!!
There was really bad music playing, and my battery on my mp3 player was really low so I had to suffer. I mean, it really hurt too listen. "Total eclipse of the heart," some Barry White earlier, "No more I love you." WOOF!!! Only the biggest mistakes of the 90's.
Can I just say I had a couple odd encounters while I awaited my bus. I arrived around 1300. First odd encounter: I was standing in the line for information because my departure time wasnt listed on my ticket. And two girls just walked up to me and started asking in english me about their tickets and checking in. It threw me off guard. Then they began to try and speak french because they thought I didnt understand. I just had no idea how to help them! The second encounter was in the bathroom. A girl came in and I needed a 20 cent piece to use the toilet and all I had were 2 dimes. She didnt speak french, so I said it in English and she helped me out. Of course, I would choose the toilet with shit all on the rim and without paper, so I asked her if she had paper. She either didnt hear me, or once again, she didnt understand. I half wanted to ask her in German, but I gave up and improvised with some things Id packed in my suitcase.
There were pigeons walking around the bus station. Really bad lighting. That place was just the most aesthetically displeasing place Id ever been in. Internet was something like .15cents for a minute. which means, .75cents for 5 minutes. I'm used to 40 cents for a half hour!
So I finally left hells waiting room and caught my bus around 1930 to Berlin. The ride over night was a long one. Each time we crossed a borderline I received a text with the new rates outside of France. 11pm we reached Belgium. 234am we entered Deutschland. We made a couple stops: Bruxxels, Antwerpen, Hanover... The driver stopped announcing after Hanover. It was neat driving through the cities at night. The language evolved before my eyes on street ads and billboards as we made our way from the southern, more French influenced part of Belgium and intot he North, Flemish/Dutch side. We made a total of three stops for breaks. From Bruxxels to Berlin was about 11 and a half hours.
I also noticed the extreme amount of fog in the countryside. There were windmills stretching abotu 50-75 ft, but only the bottom 15-20 was visible to the eyes.
The graffiti also evolved. Paris was damn impressive. Within 20km of Berlin, i noticed more stylistic burns and fewer shitty throw-ups.
(yes, I realize im going back and forth between metric systems, and military/normal time. im an american living in europe and im out of my mind confused.)
My first night in Berlin...
well it took me 2 hrs to find my friends hotel once i got off the train because the guy at information didnt speak english and didnt know berlin very well... seriously. which brings me to my next complaint, NOT EVERYONE IN BERLIN SPEAKS ENGLISH!! which is what every single german told me prior to my trip. skool, luckily im a nerd and learning languages is more fun than wii for me. well, maybe not wii bowling. im pretty good at that. and you get to design the players so they really kinda look like you! haha. its so much fuN!...
that night we were out until maybe... 3am. because we thought the trains started working around 3. no, they stop around 2. on the weekends, they run all night. but we caught a cab with an extremely informative cab driver who told us what to check out and where to party new years eve.
let me tell you about my trip to berlin in a nutshell:
first of all, I couldnt have gone with any other two homies except stephanie and michael.
i love these two. they made me the happiest i was in the past 3 months.
Museum Island- student price for 3 day pass to all the museums- 7.50euro
I saw the bust of Nefertiti ^_^.
Oranienburger street- where to go for all the drugs you w ant. you can find anything in the first5 minutes once you step off the metro. no joke..
notice in the picture on the right how the english translation of the warning is much more direct than the german. "Do not deal drugs. this is an arthouse!! dont fuck it up. Drug dealing supports mafia!!"
as opposed to, "Dealing destroys this Arthouse..." in german.
Alexander Platz
Pathetic Guggenheim museum. I was really disappointed. that was the only thing that disappointed me. that, and the german accent in berlin is so damn hard to understand.
Potsdamer Platz
Christmas markets
Bratwursten
Chinese food
getting high in public places
our monumental new years, spent sitting on top of a monument.
and on my last day, it SNOWED!
we ran out of time to see everything. we werent able to do the checkpoint charlie. but we did see the wall, and where the wall would have been. I was also astonished by the number of hitler mustashes i saw drawn onto advertisements. i felt a little unsure how to take that.
OH! and did i mentions germans are racists? i mean, not all of them of course, but more so than the french. the first time in my life i ever experienced what it felt like to be discriminated against for being black. can i also say that only cowards are racists??? No one on this earth has the right to make another human feel guilty for something thats out of their control, and SO IRRELEVANT! I actually felt bad afterwards!!! and Im a nice person!! i dont deserve that bullshit!! thats fucking oppression!! society as a whole becomes more enlightened the more it becomes enlightened. ignorant people contribute dead weight to humanity.
I hate 2/3 of my teachers at one school. They talk down to me, one likes to call me out in front of her students (she has fucking camel toe everyday too. I cant take her seriously. I have that much less respect for her), the other likes to try and correct my english. bitch, dont you know my favorite subject in grade school was grammar??? I want to just tell them both to get off my nuts, but i dont have nuts, but it sucks that girls dont have an equivalent phrase because that is EXACTLY what i am wanting to tell thim right now. and "get off my back" is too softcore. but i believe it was my german neighbor thang who said it first, so i will follow in my buddys footsteps and just say "Je m'en fiche". "I dont give a fuck."
I've just been hangin lose since I got back. Bout to go pick up some fire ass weed from Pascal. I totally shouldnt. I have 4 euro in my french bank account, and probably only about 50 in my american account, and still another 12 days before I get paid. haha. Well, the only thing i HAVE to buy the rest of this month is food. tonight, imma buy some weed and get a free meal. thats how i work. nah, its only cause this stuff just arrived from amsterdam. dont you love my logic? but thats real fucked up that id buy weed with my last 50 bucks instead of food. maybe i have a problem. maybe my job just sucks so hard that id rather eat ramen everyday and be high than have to tolerate my teachers. yes.
its cool. my parents still support me financially. but not for much longer, haha. but actually, i told my dad last night "dad, I think I might be going to New York in May." Maybe it was the word choice (going, instead of moving), the deleted information (to live with a boy), and the random timing at which i called (130 in the afternoon). but he said, "ok". So i will avoid the topic until they bring it up again. and when that time comes, i will defend my decision until they disown me.
Ive planned a second trip back to Germany, to Mainz to visit a friend for a week. As well as a trip to amsterdam just before. Thats in a month.
I better go. I have to go have dinner with my buddies. Eleni is already at the bus stop. I told her I was on my way down, but I really still have to get changed. Its raining though, so now I feel like a horrible person. And I'm still writing... let me stop. Ill write again soon.
joanna
hmm...
Ok, I'll try again. And I'll make a real effort this time to conjure up the thoughts and ideas and events from the past 10 or so days.
Right, so pretty much Berlin was amazing!! Ich habe ein Bissen Deutsch gelernt! I left the day after Christmas via Eurolines, the european coach bus, around 1045. I caught a bus coming up north from Madrid. the bus driver spoke to me in French with a strong Castillan accent. It was an extremely muggy wednesday, with a heavy fog.
Immediately when I got on the bus, I got that feeling again. The one where it feels like my mind is exploding. My heart beats uncontrollably; vibrant images flash through my head as I visualize myself in another foreign country learning yet another language. Another culture to experience, more food to eat. I was ready to get down. I was ready to party.
The first stop was Paris. There was an older black man sitting behind me mumbling to himself. I had a brief feeling of displacement right then. I felt as if I were in New Orleans, or somewhere down in that deep south. As it turned out, the man was a paraplegic. It looked as though he was missing up to his left elbow as well as his left leg up to the knee. I couldn't tell if he had his right leg in its entirety, but he had a full right arm. There was also the two dirty looking North Africans who threatened to fight the paraplegic. Oh man... Paris!!
There was really bad music playing, and my battery on my mp3 player was really low so I had to suffer. I mean, it really hurt too listen. "Total eclipse of the heart," some Barry White earlier, "No more I love you." WOOF!!! Only the biggest mistakes of the 90's.
Can I just say I had a couple odd encounters while I awaited my bus. I arrived around 1300. First odd encounter: I was standing in the line for information because my departure time wasnt listed on my ticket. And two girls just walked up to me and started asking in english me about their tickets and checking in. It threw me off guard. Then they began to try and speak french because they thought I didnt understand. I just had no idea how to help them! The second encounter was in the bathroom. A girl came in and I needed a 20 cent piece to use the toilet and all I had were 2 dimes. She didnt speak french, so I said it in English and she helped me out. Of course, I would choose the toilet with shit all on the rim and without paper, so I asked her if she had paper. She either didnt hear me, or once again, she didnt understand. I half wanted to ask her in German, but I gave up and improvised with some things Id packed in my suitcase.
There were pigeons walking around the bus station. Really bad lighting. That place was just the most aesthetically displeasing place Id ever been in. Internet was something like .15cents for a minute. which means, .75cents for 5 minutes. I'm used to 40 cents for a half hour!
So I finally left hells waiting room and caught my bus around 1930 to Berlin. The ride over night was a long one. Each time we crossed a borderline I received a text with the new rates outside of France. 11pm we reached Belgium. 234am we entered Deutschland. We made a couple stops: Bruxxels, Antwerpen, Hanover... The driver stopped announcing after Hanover. It was neat driving through the cities at night. The language evolved before my eyes on street ads and billboards as we made our way from the southern, more French influenced part of Belgium and intot he North, Flemish/Dutch side. We made a total of three stops for breaks. From Bruxxels to Berlin was about 11 and a half hours.
I also noticed the extreme amount of fog in the countryside. There were windmills stretching abotu 50-75 ft, but only the bottom 15-20 was visible to the eyes.
The graffiti also evolved. Paris was damn impressive. Within 20km of Berlin, i noticed more stylistic burns and fewer shitty throw-ups.
(yes, I realize im going back and forth between metric systems, and military/normal time. im an american living in europe and im out of my mind confused.)
My first night in Berlin...
well it took me 2 hrs to find my friends hotel once i got off the train because the guy at information didnt speak english and didnt know berlin very well... seriously. which brings me to my next complaint, NOT EVERYONE IN BERLIN SPEAKS ENGLISH!! which is what every single german told me prior to my trip. skool, luckily im a nerd and learning languages is more fun than wii for me. well, maybe not wii bowling. im pretty good at that. and you get to design the players so they really kinda look like you! haha. its so much fuN!...
that night we were out until maybe... 3am. because we thought the trains started working around 3. no, they stop around 2. on the weekends, they run all night. but we caught a cab with an extremely informative cab driver who told us what to check out and where to party new years eve.
let me tell you about my trip to berlin in a nutshell:
first of all, I couldnt have gone with any other two homies except stephanie and michael.
i love these two. they made me the happiest i was in the past 3 months.
Museum Island- student price for 3 day pass to all the museums- 7.50euro
I saw the bust of Nefertiti ^_^.
Oranienburger street- where to go for all the drugs you w ant. you can find anything in the first5 minutes once you step off the metro. no joke..
notice in the picture on the right how the english translation of the warning is much more direct than the german. "Do not deal drugs. this is an arthouse!! dont fuck it up. Drug dealing supports mafia!!"
as opposed to, "Dealing destroys this Arthouse..." in german.
Alexander Platz
Pathetic Guggenheim museum. I was really disappointed. that was the only thing that disappointed me. that, and the german accent in berlin is so damn hard to understand.
Potsdamer Platz
Christmas markets
Bratwursten
Chinese food
getting high in public places
our monumental new years, spent sitting on top of a monument.
and on my last day, it SNOWED!
we ran out of time to see everything. we werent able to do the checkpoint charlie. but we did see the wall, and where the wall would have been. I was also astonished by the number of hitler mustashes i saw drawn onto advertisements. i felt a little unsure how to take that.
OH! and did i mentions germans are racists? i mean, not all of them of course, but more so than the french. the first time in my life i ever experienced what it felt like to be discriminated against for being black. can i also say that only cowards are racists??? No one on this earth has the right to make another human feel guilty for something thats out of their control, and SO IRRELEVANT! I actually felt bad afterwards!!! and Im a nice person!! i dont deserve that bullshit!! thats fucking oppression!! society as a whole becomes more enlightened the more it becomes enlightened. ignorant people contribute dead weight to humanity.
I hate 2/3 of my teachers at one school. They talk down to me, one likes to call me out in front of her students (she has fucking camel toe everyday too. I cant take her seriously. I have that much less respect for her), the other likes to try and correct my english. bitch, dont you know my favorite subject in grade school was grammar??? I want to just tell them both to get off my nuts, but i dont have nuts, but it sucks that girls dont have an equivalent phrase because that is EXACTLY what i am wanting to tell thim right now. and "get off my back" is too softcore. but i believe it was my german neighbor thang who said it first, so i will follow in my buddys footsteps and just say "Je m'en fiche". "I dont give a fuck."
I've just been hangin lose since I got back. Bout to go pick up some fire ass weed from Pascal. I totally shouldnt. I have 4 euro in my french bank account, and probably only about 50 in my american account, and still another 12 days before I get paid. haha. Well, the only thing i HAVE to buy the rest of this month is food. tonight, imma buy some weed and get a free meal. thats how i work. nah, its only cause this stuff just arrived from amsterdam. dont you love my logic? but thats real fucked up that id buy weed with my last 50 bucks instead of food. maybe i have a problem. maybe my job just sucks so hard that id rather eat ramen everyday and be high than have to tolerate my teachers. yes.
its cool. my parents still support me financially. but not for much longer, haha. but actually, i told my dad last night "dad, I think I might be going to New York in May." Maybe it was the word choice (going, instead of moving), the deleted information (to live with a boy), and the random timing at which i called (130 in the afternoon). but he said, "ok". So i will avoid the topic until they bring it up again. and when that time comes, i will defend my decision until they disown me.
Ive planned a second trip back to Germany, to Mainz to visit a friend for a week. As well as a trip to amsterdam just before. Thats in a month.
I better go. I have to go have dinner with my buddies. Eleni is already at the bus stop. I told her I was on my way down, but I really still have to get changed. Its raining though, so now I feel like a horrible person. And I'm still writing... let me stop. Ill write again soon.
joanna
lundi 24 décembre 2007
Scatterbrained
Dec 22
It's been over a month since I last wrote, but it's been on my mind for a while now to update. It takes a certain mood, mind set, patience to sit down and write about life. I enjoy doing it, but I'm a lazy bum quite frankly and getting high and doing nothing still really appeals to me. Having said that, time out while I roll a spliff...
alright, where was I? Oh yea, "tis the season..."
Tis the season to count our blessings. I'm so blessed, it baffles me sometimes. And not even in the religious sense. I mean, in life in general. Tis the season to be jolly, to eat well, to laugh a lot, to drink a lot. I lost count of the number parties I went to this month. There were many. Going out dancing.. I think it's become a joke to me. I'm always too wasted. It's always too cold, and the long walk home sucks. I wish I were at home with my family, sitting on the fireplace mantel with my back exposed to a hot fire. My little brother and I used to see who could make their back the hottest.
I've been thinking a lot about life lately. In many ways. About friends, the people we meet. It seems the older we get, the more we appreciate every person who comes into our lives. Whether it be for a short period of time or long; whether they be a positive vibration or a tremble that we are forced to learn patience with. I was talking to a good friend of mine last night and the topic of loving others came up. What do you do when there is someone who develops hatred for you, whom you never intended of offending? Of course the answer is just to love them even more. In that sense, we learn blind compassion. It's damn hard.
Dec 23
This past month hasn't been too eventful. Oh wait!! There was Thanksgiving. and out of my 12 classes, I had ONE STUDENT who knew a damn thing about turkey day. The American assistants got together to celebrate this wondrous day. We had a turkey, which BLT managed to cook in a microwave!! Bravo BLT!! She also had her parents import us some cranberry sauce. mmm!! There was much drinking, PLENTY of food. I brought the salad. But there was also stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, zucchini, squash, green beans, and of course, baguette, and lots of wine. We had Thanksgiving dinner with the assistants on Friday, but on Thursday, Me BLT and Thang had dinner at Brittany's house. I think it was Lasagna and salad and vegetables. It was Thang's first thanksgiving.
Dec 24
Ok... It's taken me about 3 days (no joke) to write this blog.
It's now Christmas eve. I think everyone in my apartment building has left. Today feels like one of the most quiet days of my life. Not only have all the assistants (sauf Bryan) left out of town either to other countries or back to USA, but Tours is one of those towns that people leave for vacation, not come to. I've seen a couple people who look like they're from Scandinavia or something. Abnormally tall men.
No one has been getting online. Which sucks because there's no one to chat with. Except Alex. I can't believe she's had MSN this whole time and I haven't known! She's the other love of my life. I love her! I think she knows me best these days. And I miss her so much. I hope she will be able to come visit me this February with my sister. She wants to go to Amsterdam, haha. And a foam party ^_^.
I spoke with John-Mercer's little brother Micah yesterday and come to find out he(Micah) is coming back to Deutschland tomorrow, Christmas. But he's going to be in Munich, way to far in the south to try and meet up with him. But what made me smile really big was when I went to the post office today and mailed JMega's carepackage AND Micah's Christmas card with money for my tshirt. I wasn't expecting to send two things today, but it was sweet that it was to two boys in the same family. I miss them.
But I can't wait to go to Deutschland myself on wednesday (2 days)!! I have to find my Titre de Sejour... I lost it somewhere in my bedroom. I made copies of it at school one afternoon. That was the last I remember seeing it. I suppose if I find the copy I made, I'll find it.
My neighbors keep throwing things out into the hallway that they no longer want. Yesterday I scored these neat clothing storage shelves in the hallway... (dude, it took me so long to think of how to call it! haha. It was a toss up between that and clothing storage furniture ^_^HI). It's a lazy monday. I doubt there will be cafe des langues tonight, haha. But I'll be looking into some German to prepare myself for my trip. I bought a bilingual book today. I think it's some love story, but it has the text in german and cross-referenced in french. (make sense?) So when you open it up, all the left pages of the book are in german, all the right sides are french.
Why does this blog feel so technical? I think I've completely forgotten my english, haha.
Hmm... Not too much else going on on my side of the world. My mind has quieted down since this morning. I my mom put some money in the bank for me. More than what I was expecting. So I bought a train ticket to Paris for the last 5 days of vacation when I get back from Berlin. YAY! It's going to feel so good wandering for 10 days straight. well... a long ass bus ride, wandering, another bus ride, a train ride, wandering, a train ride, and then sleep. That sounds so beautiful to me. If you only knew. Im planning a 2nd trip to Deutschland already, to Mainz to visit Mikey. Bus tickets are only 50 round trip from Tours, so its just a matter of choosing dates.
One of my students told me I was awesome before I left on break. They're starting to LOVE me. and that makes me happy ^_^.
Oh, hah. How could I have forgotten. I've decided to move to Spain come May, for about 2 months. Just to chill out. That's the plan so far, and then maybe go to Deutschland in July. But... we'll see how things unfold. I'm just not ready to go back to the states yet. It's much too soon, and I'm too high up to come back down now. I wanna see where the wind takes me in this liberated zone I've found myself in. What's tight is that I'll get the security deposit back from my landlord at the end of April. I'll go ahead and buy my plane ticket ahead of time and start saving come... well, next pay check. So I'll be heading to Spain with a chunk of change. I wrote to Maktub yesterday, so I'm awaiting their response to see if I can work/live there or not. If not Maktub, I'll see about Rambutan. That might be pretty sweet too, up there in the mountains. mmm... how I love Spain in the middle of the summer. But check this! If I score the job in Granada, that means I'll be able to go to Morocco! Big plans for 2008. Stay tuned.
bear
It's been over a month since I last wrote, but it's been on my mind for a while now to update. It takes a certain mood, mind set, patience to sit down and write about life. I enjoy doing it, but I'm a lazy bum quite frankly and getting high and doing nothing still really appeals to me. Having said that, time out while I roll a spliff...
alright, where was I? Oh yea, "tis the season..."
Tis the season to count our blessings. I'm so blessed, it baffles me sometimes. And not even in the religious sense. I mean, in life in general. Tis the season to be jolly, to eat well, to laugh a lot, to drink a lot. I lost count of the number parties I went to this month. There were many. Going out dancing.. I think it's become a joke to me. I'm always too wasted. It's always too cold, and the long walk home sucks. I wish I were at home with my family, sitting on the fireplace mantel with my back exposed to a hot fire. My little brother and I used to see who could make their back the hottest.
I've been thinking a lot about life lately. In many ways. About friends, the people we meet. It seems the older we get, the more we appreciate every person who comes into our lives. Whether it be for a short period of time or long; whether they be a positive vibration or a tremble that we are forced to learn patience with. I was talking to a good friend of mine last night and the topic of loving others came up. What do you do when there is someone who develops hatred for you, whom you never intended of offending? Of course the answer is just to love them even more. In that sense, we learn blind compassion. It's damn hard.
Dec 23
This past month hasn't been too eventful. Oh wait!! There was Thanksgiving. and out of my 12 classes, I had ONE STUDENT who knew a damn thing about turkey day. The American assistants got together to celebrate this wondrous day. We had a turkey, which BLT managed to cook in a microwave!! Bravo BLT!! She also had her parents import us some cranberry sauce. mmm!! There was much drinking, PLENTY of food. I brought the salad. But there was also stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, zucchini, squash, green beans, and of course, baguette, and lots of wine. We had Thanksgiving dinner with the assistants on Friday, but on Thursday, Me BLT and Thang had dinner at Brittany's house. I think it was Lasagna and salad and vegetables. It was Thang's first thanksgiving.
Dec 24
Ok... It's taken me about 3 days (no joke) to write this blog.
It's now Christmas eve. I think everyone in my apartment building has left. Today feels like one of the most quiet days of my life. Not only have all the assistants (sauf Bryan) left out of town either to other countries or back to USA, but Tours is one of those towns that people leave for vacation, not come to. I've seen a couple people who look like they're from Scandinavia or something. Abnormally tall men.
No one has been getting online. Which sucks because there's no one to chat with. Except Alex. I can't believe she's had MSN this whole time and I haven't known! She's the other love of my life. I love her! I think she knows me best these days. And I miss her so much. I hope she will be able to come visit me this February with my sister. She wants to go to Amsterdam, haha. And a foam party ^_^.
I spoke with John-Mercer's little brother Micah yesterday and come to find out he(Micah) is coming back to Deutschland tomorrow, Christmas. But he's going to be in Munich, way to far in the south to try and meet up with him. But what made me smile really big was when I went to the post office today and mailed JMega's carepackage AND Micah's Christmas card with money for my tshirt. I wasn't expecting to send two things today, but it was sweet that it was to two boys in the same family. I miss them.
But I can't wait to go to Deutschland myself on wednesday (2 days)!! I have to find my Titre de Sejour... I lost it somewhere in my bedroom. I made copies of it at school one afternoon. That was the last I remember seeing it. I suppose if I find the copy I made, I'll find it.
My neighbors keep throwing things out into the hallway that they no longer want. Yesterday I scored these neat clothing storage shelves in the hallway... (dude, it took me so long to think of how to call it! haha. It was a toss up between that and clothing storage furniture ^_^HI). It's a lazy monday. I doubt there will be cafe des langues tonight, haha. But I'll be looking into some German to prepare myself for my trip. I bought a bilingual book today. I think it's some love story, but it has the text in german and cross-referenced in french. (make sense?) So when you open it up, all the left pages of the book are in german, all the right sides are french.
Why does this blog feel so technical? I think I've completely forgotten my english, haha.
Hmm... Not too much else going on on my side of the world. My mind has quieted down since this morning. I my mom put some money in the bank for me. More than what I was expecting. So I bought a train ticket to Paris for the last 5 days of vacation when I get back from Berlin. YAY! It's going to feel so good wandering for 10 days straight. well... a long ass bus ride, wandering, another bus ride, a train ride, wandering, a train ride, and then sleep. That sounds so beautiful to me. If you only knew. Im planning a 2nd trip to Deutschland already, to Mainz to visit Mikey. Bus tickets are only 50 round trip from Tours, so its just a matter of choosing dates.
One of my students told me I was awesome before I left on break. They're starting to LOVE me. and that makes me happy ^_^.
Oh, hah. How could I have forgotten. I've decided to move to Spain come May, for about 2 months. Just to chill out. That's the plan so far, and then maybe go to Deutschland in July. But... we'll see how things unfold. I'm just not ready to go back to the states yet. It's much too soon, and I'm too high up to come back down now. I wanna see where the wind takes me in this liberated zone I've found myself in. What's tight is that I'll get the security deposit back from my landlord at the end of April. I'll go ahead and buy my plane ticket ahead of time and start saving come... well, next pay check. So I'll be heading to Spain with a chunk of change. I wrote to Maktub yesterday, so I'm awaiting their response to see if I can work/live there or not. If not Maktub, I'll see about Rambutan. That might be pretty sweet too, up there in the mountains. mmm... how I love Spain in the middle of the summer. But check this! If I score the job in Granada, that means I'll be able to go to Morocco! Big plans for 2008. Stay tuned.
bear
dimanche 18 novembre 2007
C'est a moi que tu parles?!?
So first things first... i noticed ive got a southern accent. but actually its very subtle. I only notice it with words that end in -ING. i have a tendency to drop the g a the end. and then i say, "Imma" too.
Yo, so this weekend has been crazy! it started out with thursday night, Gus and Skal's friend Jessai invited me over to dinner with them and it was wonderful! Smokin spliffs at the dinner table. Then friday night, Stephane- the american gal from N. California- had a party at her place. that shit was krunk. (not like ATL krunk. one day ill share with you all just what all would go down at ATL krunk parties. haha. but for france's standards...) Yesterday we had a tour of Tours with a few assistants. there were only 7 assistants that showed because of the train strike and people not being able to find a way into town. and there were 2 guides and their 3 friends. I mean, Ive been here 2 months so I know the city pretty well already. the historical stuff was neat. but we only went to like 4 sites! so then after we had lunch they gave us a scavenger hunt to complete in groups of 2 (one person went home). Fricken, tell me why we fuckin walked around the corner and the first group of old people we saw, we all bombarded them to get the answers. and then, to make it even worse, we went to mcdonalds after that. I scooped up my laptop and we tried to bootleg all the answers off the internet. soooooooooooo damn american! but then of course they knew that wed all worked together on the hunt. They were a little upset about that. I felt a little bad.
well then, ashley and i and this guy jariel who is working in orleans were going to go shopping. well, i go to drop my laptop off at home and then i never found them when i came back!! so i went shopping by myself, they went and bought a couple things, and then finally around like 8pm i met up with them at the nebab for some Kebab. I LOVE KEBAB. even more than mcdo.
following dinner, i went home and chiled at thang's place with a texan girl named carly ann who speaks portuguese, and this german guy norman. Carly ann went to brazil in january of this year to study, well her university went on strike, so she was just living there for like 4 months or so chillin. and now shes livin in france studying french through this program called Erasmus. ok, BEST idea ever. With this program, you can go to whichever county you want to for anywehre from 3 months to a year, for language studies, to learn the language. ive met people whove gone to portugal, germany, england, spain... id really love to do that. norman is an opair here with 2 boys- 7 & 9. he told me of a website called like "opairworld.com" which is a networking site for families and opairs. which means, i could search out a family in any country i wanted and go there to work... BRILLIANT!!! which means, i officially have the upper hand in my life again. im one step ahead. i could do that at least until im 24. I met both norman and carly ann at the cafe des langues. theyre kool kids.
well elena, another german assistant, came by and then the 5 of us walked to whitney's for a house party. that was fun. i drank some pastise- that shits good, but strong. there were about 30 people in her small 40m/sq apt. Bryan brought his italian friends, there were about 6-7 germans, americans, a dutch girl, and a sleeping baby upstairs, so we didnt stay long before we moved the party elsewhere.
francis, aurore, and fabian came- french friends of mine. haha... ok. heres the best sign that shows that im starting to get comfortable here. i love it. so the three of them show up at the party. we exchange des bises (kisses), and the first thing francis whispers to me is, "ive got something for you." **snickers** my toes twinkled. oh i know, i know. fuckin junky. whatever. and it was some fire ass weed man!! Actually, thats the second time thats happened this week. I went to Skals earlier in the week, like tuesday, and he was like, "ive got something for you." haha. except for that time he was going to give me some special K and I was a little hesitant. he ended up doing it by himself the next day, hah. I told him hes gotta give me some of the mushrooms hes hording away for himself instead though. nothin like free drugs man!
after some drinkin and socializin and picture takin, we headed off to Cafe Chaud (bar/club) in place plume. that was a blast. German "Alex..." was there, freakin over all the ladies again as usual. that kid cracks me up. but you gotta have one person who youre comfortable to get down with and you dont have to worry about comin on too strong. i mean, he totally comes on way too strong everytime, but its really impossible to take him seriously. he means well :p. and we all have a good time. and hes maybe the only one who knows how to get down. compared to what im used to. I had the best damn dance partner in atlanta- I miss you Colin Lyerly. I owe you a dance when I get back.
the assistant from new york who i met during orientation, a renoix (black guy) from the bronx, named Ayo, he came in town for the weekend. im not sure for what reason exactly. But he picked a good weekend to come, with all the parties and what not. Theres absolutely squat goin down in Chartres. although, he is only about 45 minutes from paris. lucky buster. well i saw him at the party last night and for some reason, this night in particular, i had about 3 people ask me to hook them up with herb!! maaaaaaaaaan. i will NOT be the assistant trafficker of weed man!! I told Ayo he could ride down there with me today since hes from out of town and all. But frreal, imma have to tax a little bit. Skal suggested i buy in bulk and sell it off. which would officially make me a dealer. ill think about it. i could get mine for damn cheap...
oooooh lazy sunday. LAZY sunday indeed. I started watching the movie "La Haine". possible one of the best french films ever. i passed out about half way through, as usual. my fav character is Vinz. most famous line, "C'est a moi que tu parles? C'est vraiment a moi que tu parles?" (you talkin to me? are you really talkin to me?" actually.... hmm... i think i may have seen this film once upon a time. but dubbed in english. i dont remember. the college years erased my memory. damnit. oh well. i wont chase after forgotten memories. just make new ones. Ashley is going back to the states for thanksgiving. and that kid jariel is going back in december. lucky sons of bitches. well im going to berlin and im going to have new years with stephanie and michael, so there. its a good thing i chose the dates i did. im leaving the day after christmas, so i wont be alone on jesus' birthday. and then im coming back the 2nd of jan. thang wants me to try and swing through dresde so he can show me around his town. i think thatd be dope, but i dont know when my mom is coming to visit me. i think she was saying the first week in january, so... i gotta wait and see about that.
um... ok, so imma keep being lazy and bake now that ive awaked. its PB&J for lunch. then ayo is stopping by with another assistant to, you know... run errands. and then... i dunno. i gotta go to Orleans tomorrow for my medical visit so i wont get deported, hah. Brittany's boyfriend Teddy is drivin a group of is up there. And then, since that kid Jariel lives there, we're all gonna do lunch, have him show us around town. The teachers strike is on tuesday, so i may or may not have class. i hope not. i mean, i got a lesson plan already, but still. i dont wanna wake up. the past 2 thursdays, ive woken up at fuckin 630 man... i want to die by the end of the day. id be miserable if i had to do that shit all the time.
alright. freal though. im hungry ^_^
peace out.
mata ne
bear
Yo, so this weekend has been crazy! it started out with thursday night, Gus and Skal's friend Jessai invited me over to dinner with them and it was wonderful! Smokin spliffs at the dinner table. Then friday night, Stephane- the american gal from N. California- had a party at her place. that shit was krunk. (not like ATL krunk. one day ill share with you all just what all would go down at ATL krunk parties. haha. but for france's standards...) Yesterday we had a tour of Tours with a few assistants. there were only 7 assistants that showed because of the train strike and people not being able to find a way into town. and there were 2 guides and their 3 friends. I mean, Ive been here 2 months so I know the city pretty well already. the historical stuff was neat. but we only went to like 4 sites! so then after we had lunch they gave us a scavenger hunt to complete in groups of 2 (one person went home). Fricken, tell me why we fuckin walked around the corner and the first group of old people we saw, we all bombarded them to get the answers. and then, to make it even worse, we went to mcdonalds after that. I scooped up my laptop and we tried to bootleg all the answers off the internet. soooooooooooo damn american! but then of course they knew that wed all worked together on the hunt. They were a little upset about that. I felt a little bad.
well then, ashley and i and this guy jariel who is working in orleans were going to go shopping. well, i go to drop my laptop off at home and then i never found them when i came back!! so i went shopping by myself, they went and bought a couple things, and then finally around like 8pm i met up with them at the nebab for some Kebab. I LOVE KEBAB. even more than mcdo.
following dinner, i went home and chiled at thang's place with a texan girl named carly ann who speaks portuguese, and this german guy norman. Carly ann went to brazil in january of this year to study, well her university went on strike, so she was just living there for like 4 months or so chillin. and now shes livin in france studying french through this program called Erasmus. ok, BEST idea ever. With this program, you can go to whichever county you want to for anywehre from 3 months to a year, for language studies, to learn the language. ive met people whove gone to portugal, germany, england, spain... id really love to do that. norman is an opair here with 2 boys- 7 & 9. he told me of a website called like "opairworld.com" which is a networking site for families and opairs. which means, i could search out a family in any country i wanted and go there to work... BRILLIANT!!! which means, i officially have the upper hand in my life again. im one step ahead. i could do that at least until im 24. I met both norman and carly ann at the cafe des langues. theyre kool kids.
well elena, another german assistant, came by and then the 5 of us walked to whitney's for a house party. that was fun. i drank some pastise- that shits good, but strong. there were about 30 people in her small 40m/sq apt. Bryan brought his italian friends, there were about 6-7 germans, americans, a dutch girl, and a sleeping baby upstairs, so we didnt stay long before we moved the party elsewhere.
francis, aurore, and fabian came- french friends of mine. haha... ok. heres the best sign that shows that im starting to get comfortable here. i love it. so the three of them show up at the party. we exchange des bises (kisses), and the first thing francis whispers to me is, "ive got something for you." **snickers** my toes twinkled. oh i know, i know. fuckin junky. whatever. and it was some fire ass weed man!! Actually, thats the second time thats happened this week. I went to Skals earlier in the week, like tuesday, and he was like, "ive got something for you." haha. except for that time he was going to give me some special K and I was a little hesitant. he ended up doing it by himself the next day, hah. I told him hes gotta give me some of the mushrooms hes hording away for himself instead though. nothin like free drugs man!
after some drinkin and socializin and picture takin, we headed off to Cafe Chaud (bar/club) in place plume. that was a blast. German "Alex..." was there, freakin over all the ladies again as usual. that kid cracks me up. but you gotta have one person who youre comfortable to get down with and you dont have to worry about comin on too strong. i mean, he totally comes on way too strong everytime, but its really impossible to take him seriously. he means well :p. and we all have a good time. and hes maybe the only one who knows how to get down. compared to what im used to. I had the best damn dance partner in atlanta- I miss you Colin Lyerly. I owe you a dance when I get back.
the assistant from new york who i met during orientation, a renoix (black guy) from the bronx, named Ayo, he came in town for the weekend. im not sure for what reason exactly. But he picked a good weekend to come, with all the parties and what not. Theres absolutely squat goin down in Chartres. although, he is only about 45 minutes from paris. lucky buster. well i saw him at the party last night and for some reason, this night in particular, i had about 3 people ask me to hook them up with herb!! maaaaaaaaaan. i will NOT be the assistant trafficker of weed man!! I told Ayo he could ride down there with me today since hes from out of town and all. But frreal, imma have to tax a little bit. Skal suggested i buy in bulk and sell it off. which would officially make me a dealer. ill think about it. i could get mine for damn cheap...
oooooh lazy sunday. LAZY sunday indeed. I started watching the movie "La Haine". possible one of the best french films ever. i passed out about half way through, as usual. my fav character is Vinz. most famous line, "C'est a moi que tu parles? C'est vraiment a moi que tu parles?" (you talkin to me? are you really talkin to me?" actually.... hmm... i think i may have seen this film once upon a time. but dubbed in english. i dont remember. the college years erased my memory. damnit. oh well. i wont chase after forgotten memories. just make new ones. Ashley is going back to the states for thanksgiving. and that kid jariel is going back in december. lucky sons of bitches. well im going to berlin and im going to have new years with stephanie and michael, so there. its a good thing i chose the dates i did. im leaving the day after christmas, so i wont be alone on jesus' birthday. and then im coming back the 2nd of jan. thang wants me to try and swing through dresde so he can show me around his town. i think thatd be dope, but i dont know when my mom is coming to visit me. i think she was saying the first week in january, so... i gotta wait and see about that.
um... ok, so imma keep being lazy and bake now that ive awaked. its PB&J for lunch. then ayo is stopping by with another assistant to, you know... run errands. and then... i dunno. i gotta go to Orleans tomorrow for my medical visit so i wont get deported, hah. Brittany's boyfriend Teddy is drivin a group of is up there. And then, since that kid Jariel lives there, we're all gonna do lunch, have him show us around town. The teachers strike is on tuesday, so i may or may not have class. i hope not. i mean, i got a lesson plan already, but still. i dont wanna wake up. the past 2 thursdays, ive woken up at fuckin 630 man... i want to die by the end of the day. id be miserable if i had to do that shit all the time.
alright. freal though. im hungry ^_^
peace out.
mata ne
bear
vendredi 16 novembre 2007
Putain merde! cest nawek!
OK OK!! blog update mothafuckaaaaaaas!
I booked berlin today. DAMN! that felt good. I feel like so much got lifted off my shoulders. So much so that i put on my ritual get down music, and I got down. Its MIA- Kala. and you know, the more i think about it, im pretty sure about 80% of my friends went to the MIA show in their town. no, im not exaggerating. know how i know? cause every one of the mofo's has facebook and they updated their status, posted pictures, made events AND THEN INVITED ME TO THEM! all to celebrate the one and only. s'kool. ^_^
Sorry, bear with me. Its a friday afternoon on my week B schedule which means I only had one class at noon:30 with the european section 8th graders in Saint Cyr... which means, these kids could give tour guides at the high museum of art. they dont need an english TA. i did the math. i made about 20$/hr today just for looking over their shoulders while they worked on presentations. i dont have to put up with bullshit kids who are emotionally unstable and feel like crying and cussin at the teacher all day. there was one girl at the "OTHER" school. haha. thank god i only have to go there once a week. i have maybe 2 good classes out of 6. i had to cuss one girl out last week cause she got outta line. i dont care if you pout, but you make faces at me and i wont tolerate that bs. ca fait chier! i gave her the option of shutting up or leaving. she stayed. and im glad she did. i hate having to regulate, but you gotta with kids. they need it. but yesterday, one girl started crying randomly and wen the teacher was like, "i dont know why youre so upset like that" she told her to fuck off and screamed back at the teacher. dammmmn. haha. maybe its cause im black that i got no patience for insubordinate shits, haha. nono, ive seen some bad ass black kids. my cousins are spoiled as fuck. JaKwon and Aaliyah. theyre cute as hell though.
oh snap! i also remembered, i do have one boy in my class named anthony. his dad is british, and hes lived in england and dubai, so he speak perfect english pretty much. hes pretty cool to have in the class. i dont know if the other students think hes cool. but i think thats damn cool to have lived in dubai and london and france before the age of 15! thats like vacation destinations! newho.
Ive been kicking it more and more with gus and skal. my french slang is gettin GOOOOOD! skal was taking me home one night and i was talking to him about some instances and it was jam packed with improper vocabulary. heres a brief list of the most common ones:
une moeuf- (verlen)- femme= a woman
un mec- slang- homme= a man, young man
un gas- slang- homme= a guy
un pote- slang- amie= a friend
une reum- (verlen)- mere= mother
un reuf-(verlen)-frere= brother
une roeus- (verlen)- soeur= sister
un flic- slang- gendarme=police
un keuf- (verlen)- gendarme= police
un poulet- slang- gendarme=police
***there are PLENTY more for cops, these are the most common
cimer-(verlen)- merci= thank you
ouf-(verlen)-fou= crazy
deuma- (verlen)/slang- mad= mad, crazy
chelou-(verlen)- louche= dirty
wam-(verlen)-moi= me
wat-(verlen)-toi=you
solde-(verlen)-desole= im sorry
nawek- slang- n'importe quoi= nothing
keefer qqc- slang- aimer qqc= to like something "je keefe ce mix" i love this mix.
la bombe- slang= the bomb
ca caille- slang= its cold!
habat-arabic-defonce= drunk, blazed... torn up
nickel- slang= golden- "c'est nikel!" = "thats golden!"
renoix- (verlen)- noire= a black person
thats all i got for know. i cant think of any other ones. but i have to say that im super stoked that i was able to meet gus and skal. not only are they ill folk, but they keep sweet sweet company. one girl, jessai-22yrs, invited me to her house last night with the guys and a couple other of her friends. there were about 8 of us. she made a tartelette de fromage which was dElicious. we smoked hashish from arrival until departure. two matches of poker. laughs. smiles. and good times. its definitely something to be invited into a french person's home and to be able to experience what is french culture. it starts in the home. french people eat super slow. always 4 courses for dinner- appetizers, main dish, cheese, dessert. there is always a baguette. and its customary to bring a gift if you are invited. usually i bring wine. white wine with appetizers, and some sea foods. red wines with red meat, some fish... most entrees go well with red wine but it just depends on your personal preference also... damn, i sound like a wino! and generally, french people eat farely late. im talkin like sometimes between 9-10pm. most french people who smoke hashish smoke them back to back to back. and theyre all expert spliff rollers.
theres a game they play when theyre smoking. if they say, "qui dit bedo?"the first person to respond "bedo" gets the spliff. or they could say, "qui dit spliff?" "spliff". its usually if theres company. but actually, if theres company, chances are that there are anywhere from 2-5 spliffs going around the table at once.
tangent. my fav song just came on my play list. its MIA- jimmy. shhh.... im dancing..."jimmy, hacha! jimmy, hacha!..." im totally boozin on a friday afternoon. one of the assistants is having a house warming party at her spot tonight. if theres any whiskey left come 10pm ill bring the bottle. otherwise ill have to pick up a pie or something nice. nono, ill grab a bag of schrumfs. ill be bringing about 10 bags of those home. its blue gummy smurfs that taste like artificial blueberry goodness. mmm... theyre so damn addicting!
what else has been going on??? oh yea, so i got mothafuckin castles in my back yard yall! theyre all within about a 30-45 min train/car ride. so far ive been to azay-le-rideau, amboise (right---> and chaumont-sur-loire. my fav so far has been amboise located in the city of onzain a 30 min train ride from tours. chaumont was a little creepy. its got ties to free masons and weird shit like that. haha. i dunno, the guy who told us this stuff was a little odd. im really looking forward to chambord(very bottom), villandry(just below), and chenenceau (top castle on water).
Ill have to wait until spring time to go and see Villandry. all those gardens are breathtaking when in bloom. and I still need to get to paris!! no hurry. Id like to see Versaille though. like really, cause i didnt get to see it last summer. or the Moulin Rouge. but i did see the red district in amsterdam. after dark. and that was disgusting. so much so that i packed my bags up and booked a ticket to paris the next morning. after only ONE day in the Dam, can you believe that?? but i stayed longer cause i missed my train, and i cant really say why... . alright, im starting to feel claustrophobic. Damn, i wish i had a LITTLE more space in my room.
AND finally, but not least, to wrap this up and go buy stephane's pie. I do NOT know when im coming back from france. i know id piped last week and said something like 3 years but... its greatly pending. im actually really wanting to come back. i know, i know. total bitch move on my part. wait your whole life for a dream to come true and it comes true right at the same time another one does, but one is like a now or never, and the other will wait on you, so im hoping... blah blah... im trying to have my cake and eat it too guys. like seriously. ill be able to do whatever i want come may. my skills are being perfected. im ready to work. let me answer a damn telephone for 30k a year. frreal. haha, nah, i couldnt sell out for that. unless it was the embassy. and id only do that if they wont drug test me. i could go to GSU and finish there. if im ready to take on round 2 of atlanta. **shudders** some things, not others. damn. im just thinkin about Berlin right now. and MIA. and i keep dreaming about that damn white horse. i want.
ps. i hate doing laundry. no one gives me change for the laundromat. and then its like work, walking down there, waiting, shifting clothes. but all my stuff is clean again. finally.
bisous bisous
bear.
I booked berlin today. DAMN! that felt good. I feel like so much got lifted off my shoulders. So much so that i put on my ritual get down music, and I got down. Its MIA- Kala. and you know, the more i think about it, im pretty sure about 80% of my friends went to the MIA show in their town. no, im not exaggerating. know how i know? cause every one of the mofo's has facebook and they updated their status, posted pictures, made events AND THEN INVITED ME TO THEM! all to celebrate the one and only. s'kool. ^_^
Sorry, bear with me. Its a friday afternoon on my week B schedule which means I only had one class at noon:30 with the european section 8th graders in Saint Cyr... which means, these kids could give tour guides at the high museum of art. they dont need an english TA. i did the math. i made about 20$/hr today just for looking over their shoulders while they worked on presentations. i dont have to put up with bullshit kids who are emotionally unstable and feel like crying and cussin at the teacher all day. there was one girl at the "OTHER" school. haha. thank god i only have to go there once a week. i have maybe 2 good classes out of 6. i had to cuss one girl out last week cause she got outta line. i dont care if you pout, but you make faces at me and i wont tolerate that bs. ca fait chier! i gave her the option of shutting up or leaving. she stayed. and im glad she did. i hate having to regulate, but you gotta with kids. they need it. but yesterday, one girl started crying randomly and wen the teacher was like, "i dont know why youre so upset like that" she told her to fuck off and screamed back at the teacher. dammmmn. haha. maybe its cause im black that i got no patience for insubordinate shits, haha. nono, ive seen some bad ass black kids. my cousins are spoiled as fuck. JaKwon and Aaliyah. theyre cute as hell though.
oh snap! i also remembered, i do have one boy in my class named anthony. his dad is british, and hes lived in england and dubai, so he speak perfect english pretty much. hes pretty cool to have in the class. i dont know if the other students think hes cool. but i think thats damn cool to have lived in dubai and london and france before the age of 15! thats like vacation destinations! newho.
Ive been kicking it more and more with gus and skal. my french slang is gettin GOOOOOD! skal was taking me home one night and i was talking to him about some instances and it was jam packed with improper vocabulary. heres a brief list of the most common ones:
une moeuf- (verlen)- femme= a woman
un mec- slang- homme= a man, young man
un gas- slang- homme= a guy
un pote- slang- amie= a friend
une reum- (verlen)- mere= mother
un reuf-(verlen)-frere= brother
une roeus- (verlen)- soeur= sister
un flic- slang- gendarme=police
un keuf- (verlen)- gendarme= police
un poulet- slang- gendarme=police
***there are PLENTY more for cops, these are the most common
cimer-(verlen)- merci= thank you
ouf-(verlen)-fou= crazy
deuma- (verlen)/slang- mad= mad, crazy
chelou-(verlen)- louche= dirty
wam-(verlen)-moi= me
wat-(verlen)-toi=you
solde-(verlen)-desole= im sorry
nawek- slang- n'importe quoi= nothing
keefer qqc- slang- aimer qqc= to like something "je keefe ce mix" i love this mix.
la bombe- slang= the bomb
ca caille- slang= its cold!
habat-arabic-defonce= drunk, blazed... torn up
nickel- slang= golden- "c'est nikel!" = "thats golden!"
renoix- (verlen)- noire= a black person
thats all i got for know. i cant think of any other ones. but i have to say that im super stoked that i was able to meet gus and skal. not only are they ill folk, but they keep sweet sweet company. one girl, jessai-22yrs, invited me to her house last night with the guys and a couple other of her friends. there were about 8 of us. she made a tartelette de fromage which was dElicious. we smoked hashish from arrival until departure. two matches of poker. laughs. smiles. and good times. its definitely something to be invited into a french person's home and to be able to experience what is french culture. it starts in the home. french people eat super slow. always 4 courses for dinner- appetizers, main dish, cheese, dessert. there is always a baguette. and its customary to bring a gift if you are invited. usually i bring wine. white wine with appetizers, and some sea foods. red wines with red meat, some fish... most entrees go well with red wine but it just depends on your personal preference also... damn, i sound like a wino! and generally, french people eat farely late. im talkin like sometimes between 9-10pm. most french people who smoke hashish smoke them back to back to back. and theyre all expert spliff rollers.
theres a game they play when theyre smoking. if they say, "qui dit bedo?"the first person to respond "bedo" gets the spliff. or they could say, "qui dit spliff?" "spliff". its usually if theres company. but actually, if theres company, chances are that there are anywhere from 2-5 spliffs going around the table at once.
tangent. my fav song just came on my play list. its MIA- jimmy. shhh.... im dancing..."jimmy, hacha! jimmy, hacha!..." im totally boozin on a friday afternoon. one of the assistants is having a house warming party at her spot tonight. if theres any whiskey left come 10pm ill bring the bottle. otherwise ill have to pick up a pie or something nice. nono, ill grab a bag of schrumfs. ill be bringing about 10 bags of those home. its blue gummy smurfs that taste like artificial blueberry goodness. mmm... theyre so damn addicting!
what else has been going on??? oh yea, so i got mothafuckin castles in my back yard yall! theyre all within about a 30-45 min train/car ride. so far ive been to azay-le-rideau, amboise (right---> and chaumont-sur-loire. my fav so far has been amboise located in the city of onzain a 30 min train ride from tours. chaumont was a little creepy. its got ties to free masons and weird shit like that. haha. i dunno, the guy who told us this stuff was a little odd. im really looking forward to chambord(very bottom), villandry(just below), and chenenceau (top castle on water).
Ill have to wait until spring time to go and see Villandry. all those gardens are breathtaking when in bloom. and I still need to get to paris!! no hurry. Id like to see Versaille though. like really, cause i didnt get to see it last summer. or the Moulin Rouge. but i did see the red district in amsterdam. after dark. and that was disgusting. so much so that i packed my bags up and booked a ticket to paris the next morning. after only ONE day in the Dam, can you believe that?? but i stayed longer cause i missed my train, and i cant really say why... . alright, im starting to feel claustrophobic. Damn, i wish i had a LITTLE more space in my room.
AND finally, but not least, to wrap this up and go buy stephane's pie. I do NOT know when im coming back from france. i know id piped last week and said something like 3 years but... its greatly pending. im actually really wanting to come back. i know, i know. total bitch move on my part. wait your whole life for a dream to come true and it comes true right at the same time another one does, but one is like a now or never, and the other will wait on you, so im hoping... blah blah... im trying to have my cake and eat it too guys. like seriously. ill be able to do whatever i want come may. my skills are being perfected. im ready to work. let me answer a damn telephone for 30k a year. frreal. haha, nah, i couldnt sell out for that. unless it was the embassy. and id only do that if they wont drug test me. i could go to GSU and finish there. if im ready to take on round 2 of atlanta. **shudders** some things, not others. damn. im just thinkin about Berlin right now. and MIA. and i keep dreaming about that damn white horse. i want.
ps. i hate doing laundry. no one gives me change for the laundromat. and then its like work, walking down there, waiting, shifting clothes. but all my stuff is clean again. finally.
bisous bisous
bear.
lundi 29 octobre 2007
mr golden sun
it rained all night last night, and its been raining all morning so far. god i miss that. not that the weathers been beautiful here, because it hasnt been all that great. very gloomy, always overcast. if the sun comes out at all its between 3-5. its just i havent fallen asleep to the sound of rain in a long time. the temperature continues to drop and ive switched to wearing my hooded vest coat beneath my other one. i wish id brought my black trench coat. i love trench coats. damn... i bet i could still get it shipped. but i suppose once i get my pea coat that might suffice. and i wish i had my rain boots. perhaps ill buy a new pair here.
i seem to be coming down hard with something. i havent been as up to beat since thursday night. i went to pimps with eleni, her neighbor caroline, and her boyfriend, another guy gille who id met once before at the cafe des langues, and a couple others. but i really had absolutely no life in me. and gille kept trying to neck me, or i dont know what the hell he was doing. i nearly hurled when i was walking to meet up with them and i ended up leaving the club early and walking home by myself around 3.
friday night the german assistant, Thang's girlfriend arrived from germany. when he went to pick her up he was dressed in a suit and tie and hed bought flowers for her. sigh, it was absolutely adorable. hah, so then he stopped by my door to say whats up after about an hour or so and he says to me, "if you wanna stop by and meet my girl, practice your german, you know, come on over. just, give us a few first." ...duude... cooome on!! she just took a damn 12 hr train ride from dresde. you havent seen her in how long? you cant just tell me 'just give us a few'. alls im sayin is... id just straight up be like "ill see you tomorrow man! goooood night!"
i bought a dress on friday with my neighbor ikram. saturday i met up with ashley and we did a little bit of shopping. but well, i didnt buy anything that time. and that was after id slept until 15h and was only jolted out of bed by my doorbell. it was a taiwanese girl buon shyuu(???) that id met at cafe des langues who wanted to have an french exchange. shes going to find me a japanese exchange ^_^. well, she brought me a croissant when she came up, which was nice. and i invited her to come shopping with ashley and i, but she had a friend with her and they had to go. its going to be hard helping her. she knows very little french, even less english, and i dont know chinese. but itll be fun!
and im ashamed to say it, but i didnt leave my apt building not once yesterday (sunday). but i really just didnt have the energy. it was sunday first of all, so everything was closed anyways. i was coughin stuff all day, fuckiiiiiin cigarettes! but on the other hand, because i took the time to decorate my walls a bit, its not so dull in here anymore. i spent the day watching youtube videos, then i switched it up a bit and watched about a dozen southpark episodes. i was going to finish watching princess mononoke, but i think i just passed out instead. i did make myself dinner, and i smoked a dubie with ikram and her friend. thang stopped by as well. today is his birthday and he wants to have a potluck tonight around 1830. and then cafe des langues. wow. having a routine makes life appear to go by faster. i mean, once youre in the motion its hard to break it. i told myself i was going to look through my japanese books for this week. yea, that didnt happen.
which goes back to what i was saying earlier, if we're always in the habit of doing the same things, we become older faster. hmmm, i believe i know how to slow down time. =D its just so much easier to always be absent minded.
i was reminded today about how poorly i manage time. and i suppose it also has to do with how important i feel something is... but not always. take for example: school, always late. papers, always last minute. church, always late. work. always late.. meal breaks were smoke breaks. this school job, ive actually been pretty punctual. i think i was maybe 5 minutes late once, 15 minutes late once. then there were those 2 times at the other school where i was 2.5hrs late, but it wasnt my fault... and they knew that, so, it doesnt count.
man, i have GOT to be ill with something. my head feels heavy with fever, my stomach has been ultra sensitive, im exhausted to move. i got ill the last time i was in europe, but it just felt like a 2 day thing. its been 4 days now. well thank god its vacation. eleni went to paris again! lucky bitch. and ashley went to nice and paris. pareil. whatever, im going to berlin. there was a rumor that we were supposed to be getting paid soon, like this week. i hope this is true because i have to pay rent this week. i bet if i asked my parents to pay for half of my berlin trip theyd throw down. i wont know until i ask!
tours finally got its firs kfc. thats right! kentucky friend chicken has made its way to the beautiful wine country of the loire valley. i believe the last time i had kfc was with john-mercer about 2 weeks just before i left. it was damn good. to show my appreciation, i am wearing my gold fangs, my hair in cornrows the whole week, as well as wearing my dunks. ill stop by sometime this week to enjoy.
my teacher, vero, gus' mom, who had me over for the bbq is on going to stop by in about an hour to scoop me up and take me to a hypermarche. which is sorta like a walmart im guessing? theyd have peanut butter and ranch dressing. i need a pillow, some food to cook something for thang's potluck tonight, um... i dunno what else. maybe an A hat.
sigh, life is consistent.
until next time
bear
i seem to be coming down hard with something. i havent been as up to beat since thursday night. i went to pimps with eleni, her neighbor caroline, and her boyfriend, another guy gille who id met once before at the cafe des langues, and a couple others. but i really had absolutely no life in me. and gille kept trying to neck me, or i dont know what the hell he was doing. i nearly hurled when i was walking to meet up with them and i ended up leaving the club early and walking home by myself around 3.
friday night the german assistant, Thang's girlfriend arrived from germany. when he went to pick her up he was dressed in a suit and tie and hed bought flowers for her. sigh, it was absolutely adorable. hah, so then he stopped by my door to say whats up after about an hour or so and he says to me, "if you wanna stop by and meet my girl, practice your german, you know, come on over. just, give us a few first." ...duude... cooome on!! she just took a damn 12 hr train ride from dresde. you havent seen her in how long? you cant just tell me 'just give us a few'. alls im sayin is... id just straight up be like "ill see you tomorrow man! goooood night!"
i bought a dress on friday with my neighbor ikram. saturday i met up with ashley and we did a little bit of shopping. but well, i didnt buy anything that time. and that was after id slept until 15h and was only jolted out of bed by my doorbell. it was a taiwanese girl buon shyuu(???) that id met at cafe des langues who wanted to have an french exchange. shes going to find me a japanese exchange ^_^. well, she brought me a croissant when she came up, which was nice. and i invited her to come shopping with ashley and i, but she had a friend with her and they had to go. its going to be hard helping her. she knows very little french, even less english, and i dont know chinese. but itll be fun!
and im ashamed to say it, but i didnt leave my apt building not once yesterday (sunday). but i really just didnt have the energy. it was sunday first of all, so everything was closed anyways. i was coughin stuff all day, fuckiiiiiin cigarettes! but on the other hand, because i took the time to decorate my walls a bit, its not so dull in here anymore. i spent the day watching youtube videos, then i switched it up a bit and watched about a dozen southpark episodes. i was going to finish watching princess mononoke, but i think i just passed out instead. i did make myself dinner, and i smoked a dubie with ikram and her friend. thang stopped by as well. today is his birthday and he wants to have a potluck tonight around 1830. and then cafe des langues. wow. having a routine makes life appear to go by faster. i mean, once youre in the motion its hard to break it. i told myself i was going to look through my japanese books for this week. yea, that didnt happen.
which goes back to what i was saying earlier, if we're always in the habit of doing the same things, we become older faster. hmmm, i believe i know how to slow down time. =D its just so much easier to always be absent minded.
i was reminded today about how poorly i manage time. and i suppose it also has to do with how important i feel something is... but not always. take for example: school, always late. papers, always last minute. church, always late. work. always late.. meal breaks were smoke breaks. this school job, ive actually been pretty punctual. i think i was maybe 5 minutes late once, 15 minutes late once. then there were those 2 times at the other school where i was 2.5hrs late, but it wasnt my fault... and they knew that, so, it doesnt count.
man, i have GOT to be ill with something. my head feels heavy with fever, my stomach has been ultra sensitive, im exhausted to move. i got ill the last time i was in europe, but it just felt like a 2 day thing. its been 4 days now. well thank god its vacation. eleni went to paris again! lucky bitch. and ashley went to nice and paris. pareil. whatever, im going to berlin. there was a rumor that we were supposed to be getting paid soon, like this week. i hope this is true because i have to pay rent this week. i bet if i asked my parents to pay for half of my berlin trip theyd throw down. i wont know until i ask!
tours finally got its firs kfc. thats right! kentucky friend chicken has made its way to the beautiful wine country of the loire valley. i believe the last time i had kfc was with john-mercer about 2 weeks just before i left. it was damn good. to show my appreciation, i am wearing my gold fangs, my hair in cornrows the whole week, as well as wearing my dunks. ill stop by sometime this week to enjoy.
my teacher, vero, gus' mom, who had me over for the bbq is on going to stop by in about an hour to scoop me up and take me to a hypermarche. which is sorta like a walmart im guessing? theyd have peanut butter and ranch dressing. i need a pillow, some food to cook something for thang's potluck tonight, um... i dunno what else. maybe an A hat.
sigh, life is consistent.
until next time
bear
samedi 27 octobre 2007
please sunshine
im feeling a little... content.
a little acute if you may. you could call it comfortable or maybe confident.
ive got augustus pablos "please sunshine" on my media player right now.
i love this shit...
gus got me listenin to this organic music. that reggae, that rub-a-dub. it really does provoke a sense of well-being which is unavoidable.
so, i feel ive completely embraced my new life. now its only a matter of allowing my new environment to change me, to evolve me a bit.
i pray that the gods would shine some light on this empty vessel of mine.
i know so little, im not afraid to say it.
and im desperately eager to learn more.
make me your bitch and teach me the ropes zeus.
si on a toujours l'habitude de mener la meme vie, alors ca se fatigue. ca vous rend plus vieux plus vite si vous voulez. il est toujours necessaire dapprendre des choses de nouvelle.
(if youre always living in the same routine, it can become tiresome. even, it makes you older faster. its necessary to always be learning something new.)
my english is beginning to escape me. yesssss. but there are still holes (des troux) in my french vocabulary which prevent me from being 100% with french either. it can be quite comical actually. like when i used to be junked out and would forget my reality in the middle of a sentence. well, no, this is comical. that was just depressing because i actually could notice the deterioration of my brain, not just a memory lapse. hmm... but still fond memories nonetheless.
i was on the bus the other day thinking about that. how so many more people get into drug problems in the big cities. and well, i have to say that ive slowed down tremendously since my arrival in this small town, as i knew i would. atlanta has 4million residents, tours has only 400k. but you know, for every time there is a season and right now i have to grow up a little.
but like i said before, im very content.
and ive always been a dreamer.
life is beautiful like that. i am at my makers hand.
and its like i said way before, you make one life changing decision and then other ones become less frightening and then that much more desirable. and maybe the times were wild because i had nothing but the those days to look forward to. my obligations were as such that coming to work out of my mind was overlooked. once a junkie always a junkie. doesnt matter your drug of choice. human beings crave discipline and if theres nothing in our parameters which restrains us, we'll be as free as we think we can handle. its just very exhausting.
but what made me think twice about my way of life was feeling something even more powerful than myself. i was passing the evening with a friend of mine and i completely forgot time and space and i knew nothing but the absolute bliss which i was enveloped in. i decided that i didnt need any other high in life, just that new element. id become a total bitch, settling like that.
and i think we all crave some sort of overall fulfillment as well. there are some things ive desired since childhood. others that ive grown to appreciate that i know i couldnt do without. we're throughout our lives searching for those things which resonate deep in our souls. like the feeling you got the first time you were surrounded by wasted, sweaty people in a mosh pit... and then the music started. and you completely let go. the feeling you get when you taste your youth. or i believe i sometimes get the same feeling when i go to the bathroom... no really. some of our actions are so human that life couldnt be more simplified in any other way. we sleep, we wake, theres interactions, we eat, we shit, we sleep. this my friends is simplicity, is equality, is contentment, is satisfaction. its a mind boggling, beautiful feeling when you think about it.
but even still, there is so much more that is out of my control. i can only be at the hand of my own actions. you cant piss what i drink or shit what i eat. my battles are my own. my chemin(path) is chosen by my own two feet. this is my life homie, you decide yours. and although my eyes, ears, hands, mouth, heart can only experience its own pleasures, i can still appreciate the sensations of others. i love watching people in love, children at play, old people being old, young people being foolish. its only when you experience those same things for yourself that the reality of these actions, these feelings becomes orgasmic. ill never forget the first time i saw the eiffel tour. or flew on a plane. or had my heart broken. or fell in love.
but i had to experience the rainy days to know how to rightfully appreciate the sunny ones.
im playing a game with time now. i wont let her get the best of me. ive slowed down, and my patience is building up in return. it takes some people a lifetime to be here now. to not want anymore. to not need anymore. ill take what the wind brings me. and ill learn to appreciate it as well.
meanwhile the cigarettes just leave a bad taste in my mouth. the wine exhausts me. work will forever just be work. oh but life is beautiful because contentment is on my side. and im getting younger with every day.
a little acute if you may. you could call it comfortable or maybe confident.
ive got augustus pablos "please sunshine" on my media player right now.
i love this shit...
gus got me listenin to this organic music. that reggae, that rub-a-dub. it really does provoke a sense of well-being which is unavoidable.
so, i feel ive completely embraced my new life. now its only a matter of allowing my new environment to change me, to evolve me a bit.
i pray that the gods would shine some light on this empty vessel of mine.
i know so little, im not afraid to say it.
and im desperately eager to learn more.
make me your bitch and teach me the ropes zeus.
si on a toujours l'habitude de mener la meme vie, alors ca se fatigue. ca vous rend plus vieux plus vite si vous voulez. il est toujours necessaire dapprendre des choses de nouvelle.
(if youre always living in the same routine, it can become tiresome. even, it makes you older faster. its necessary to always be learning something new.)
my english is beginning to escape me. yesssss. but there are still holes (des troux) in my french vocabulary which prevent me from being 100% with french either. it can be quite comical actually. like when i used to be junked out and would forget my reality in the middle of a sentence. well, no, this is comical. that was just depressing because i actually could notice the deterioration of my brain, not just a memory lapse. hmm... but still fond memories nonetheless.
i was on the bus the other day thinking about that. how so many more people get into drug problems in the big cities. and well, i have to say that ive slowed down tremendously since my arrival in this small town, as i knew i would. atlanta has 4million residents, tours has only 400k. but you know, for every time there is a season and right now i have to grow up a little.
but like i said before, im very content.
and ive always been a dreamer.
life is beautiful like that. i am at my makers hand.
and its like i said way before, you make one life changing decision and then other ones become less frightening and then that much more desirable. and maybe the times were wild because i had nothing but the those days to look forward to. my obligations were as such that coming to work out of my mind was overlooked. once a junkie always a junkie. doesnt matter your drug of choice. human beings crave discipline and if theres nothing in our parameters which restrains us, we'll be as free as we think we can handle. its just very exhausting.
but what made me think twice about my way of life was feeling something even more powerful than myself. i was passing the evening with a friend of mine and i completely forgot time and space and i knew nothing but the absolute bliss which i was enveloped in. i decided that i didnt need any other high in life, just that new element. id become a total bitch, settling like that.
and i think we all crave some sort of overall fulfillment as well. there are some things ive desired since childhood. others that ive grown to appreciate that i know i couldnt do without. we're throughout our lives searching for those things which resonate deep in our souls. like the feeling you got the first time you were surrounded by wasted, sweaty people in a mosh pit... and then the music started. and you completely let go. the feeling you get when you taste your youth. or i believe i sometimes get the same feeling when i go to the bathroom... no really. some of our actions are so human that life couldnt be more simplified in any other way. we sleep, we wake, theres interactions, we eat, we shit, we sleep. this my friends is simplicity, is equality, is contentment, is satisfaction. its a mind boggling, beautiful feeling when you think about it.
but even still, there is so much more that is out of my control. i can only be at the hand of my own actions. you cant piss what i drink or shit what i eat. my battles are my own. my chemin(path) is chosen by my own two feet. this is my life homie, you decide yours. and although my eyes, ears, hands, mouth, heart can only experience its own pleasures, i can still appreciate the sensations of others. i love watching people in love, children at play, old people being old, young people being foolish. its only when you experience those same things for yourself that the reality of these actions, these feelings becomes orgasmic. ill never forget the first time i saw the eiffel tour. or flew on a plane. or had my heart broken. or fell in love.
but i had to experience the rainy days to know how to rightfully appreciate the sunny ones.
im playing a game with time now. i wont let her get the best of me. ive slowed down, and my patience is building up in return. it takes some people a lifetime to be here now. to not want anymore. to not need anymore. ill take what the wind brings me. and ill learn to appreciate it as well.
meanwhile the cigarettes just leave a bad taste in my mouth. the wine exhausts me. work will forever just be work. oh but life is beautiful because contentment is on my side. and im getting younger with every day.
vendredi 26 octobre 2007
white plastered walls painted with 356 shades of wonderful
so let me look at the calendar now and do a little bit of math... ive been in france now for 4.5 weeks. man. it really doesnt even feel like that short of time. i keep worrying that im not picking up more french at a fast enough rate, but ive learned a lot, and its ONLY been 4.5 weeks. i guess i feel like im not achieving enough because in comparison with my spanish immersion where i knew abcde of spanish, i pretty much had the whole french language already, accent and everything, so now its just a matter of letting it come out, increasing my vocabulary, learning a bit of slang, and learning how to talk shit with confidence.
so i went this past thursday to the rendez-vous point to go to the middle school in S. tours and the cunt didnt come again!! last week it was a damn strike, this week i think she went on a bike tour with some people? whatever dude, i wish shed at least let me know! cause see heres the thing, one of my classes had prepared an american breakfast for me! with pancakes, french toast, bacon, egs, juice, scones.... AND I MISSED THAT SHIT! instead, i was chillin out in a little coffeeshop in Joue waiting for the #30 bus to show up. i was the youngest person there by 35 years easily. some of the men were having beers at 1030am, others rose, i just had a shot of espresso and some pastries id picked up from the boulingerie around the corner. if youre ever in france and you stop by a patissiere, you must ask for a mousse de fruits rouges. its absolutely DELICIOUS! its like raspberry, strawberry, boysenberry mousse with fruit on top? its soooo good! im going to make a note to buy one everytime i pass through joue =D.
but seriously, im going to have the nicest legs and ass by the time spring rolls around. i live on
the 5th floor!! WITHOUTH elevator! (in french, the 4th floor). so i go up and down at least 6 times a day. my thighs are lookin quite nice if i might say ^_^
so the past 3 days ive been decorating. the mundane, white plastered walls were filling my head with nothingness and i needed something to think about. so i chopped up my magazines. and coincidently, veronique gave me 4 french elle magazines, 3 of which i cut up... my dad always hated when i did that to my room. he said it made him feel weird to come in. heh, i feel dirty just looking at my walls too. but im a dirty girl.
i think i might be kicking it with gus and pascal maybe tomorrow early afternoon. ashley wants to meet up and go shopping, but id like to burn with the guys for a minute. we'll have our little "tea time", haha. i think veronique said something to her son gus about takin care of me so im not bored all the time. shes very sweet. in fact, she reminds
me of an older, white, french version of my sister... ? very bubbly, eager to take care of anyone else, hospitable, laid back.
(pascal left, gus right) i went by pascals place tuesday afternoon and got some more herb. its a lot better than the last stuff i got. i think. or maybe its just been a while.. i think its pretty dank. ive been sleepin non stop... well, anywho, so when i was at pascals place he pulls out this bag of mexican mushrooms!! and hes like, "i didnt take them out last time because gus doesnt do them." so imma totally try and score some fungus from him. its fuckin vacation for the next 10 days son!
i think ill be going to Mt. Saint Michael in the NW of france for a day with francisco and his girlfriend. ugh. maybe i shouldnt. francisco really disgusts me. i swear hes got a different girl over there every night, and bless his girlfriends heart (who Thang, the german assistant, commented on today saying "shes not very pretty") but still! break up with her if you just want to screw around. asshole. newho, maybe i wont go if its just the 3 of us because i know too much about them and i dont wanna be put in that situation seeing straight through francisco and being disgusted for 8hrs of the day. besides mt st michael, veronique is going to take me to the beautiful chateaux chambord. its gorgeous. ive seen pictures. its on a lake... yea, ill take some pictures too. i still have to send my camera back to my folks. i should do it soon and then maybe, if theyre for serious planning on coming to see me in january (some people are fickle man!! i know how that shit goes. not sayin its intentional ever, but just unpredictable.) then maybe i can get it back by then. but fuh! cause stephanie and michael are coming for christmas so ill need it by then. shit. i gotta send it asap. right after chambord.
sorry i just spent a whole paragraph debating with myself about life, haha. but seriously, i think its time to go to bed. its the weeeeeekend baby! i only had 1 cigarette today. wow. it wasnt intentional, but, it felt good. i mean my lungs missed it, but mentally i succeeded... hmm...
alrighty, have a good'un
bear
so i went this past thursday to the rendez-vous point to go to the middle school in S. tours and the cunt didnt come again!! last week it was a damn strike, this week i think she went on a bike tour with some people? whatever dude, i wish shed at least let me know! cause see heres the thing, one of my classes had prepared an american breakfast for me! with pancakes, french toast, bacon, egs, juice, scones.... AND I MISSED THAT SHIT! instead, i was chillin out in a little coffeeshop in Joue waiting for the #30 bus to show up. i was the youngest person there by 35 years easily. some of the men were having beers at 1030am, others rose, i just had a shot of espresso and some pastries id picked up from the boulingerie around the corner. if youre ever in france and you stop by a patissiere, you must ask for a mousse de fruits rouges. its absolutely DELICIOUS! its like raspberry, strawberry, boysenberry mousse with fruit on top? its soooo good! im going to make a note to buy one everytime i pass through joue =D.
but seriously, im going to have the nicest legs and ass by the time spring rolls around. i live on
the 5th floor!! WITHOUTH elevator! (in french, the 4th floor). so i go up and down at least 6 times a day. my thighs are lookin quite nice if i might say ^_^so the past 3 days ive been decorating. the mundane, white plastered walls were filling my head with nothingness and i needed something to think about. so i chopped up my magazines. and coincidently, veronique gave me 4 french elle magazines, 3 of which i cut up... my dad always hated when i did that to my room. he said it made him feel weird to come in. heh, i feel dirty just looking at my walls too. but im a dirty girl.
i think i might be kicking it with gus and pascal maybe tomorrow early afternoon. ashley wants to meet up and go shopping, but id like to burn with the guys for a minute. we'll have our little "tea time", haha. i think veronique said something to her son gus about takin care of me so im not bored all the time. shes very sweet. in fact, she reminds
me of an older, white, french version of my sister... ? very bubbly, eager to take care of anyone else, hospitable, laid back.(pascal left, gus right) i went by pascals place tuesday afternoon and got some more herb. its a lot better than the last stuff i got. i think. or maybe its just been a while.. i think its pretty dank. ive been sleepin non stop... well, anywho, so when i was at pascals place he pulls out this bag of mexican mushrooms!! and hes like, "i didnt take them out last time because gus doesnt do them." so imma totally try and score some fungus from him. its fuckin vacation for the next 10 days son!
i think ill be going to Mt. Saint Michael in the NW of france for a day with francisco and his girlfriend. ugh. maybe i shouldnt. francisco really disgusts me. i swear hes got a different girl over there every night, and bless his girlfriends heart (who Thang, the german assistant, commented on today saying "shes not very pretty") but still! break up with her if you just want to screw around. asshole. newho, maybe i wont go if its just the 3 of us because i know too much about them and i dont wanna be put in that situation seeing straight through francisco and being disgusted for 8hrs of the day. besides mt st michael, veronique is going to take me to the beautiful chateaux chambord. its gorgeous. ive seen pictures. its on a lake... yea, ill take some pictures too. i still have to send my camera back to my folks. i should do it soon and then maybe, if theyre for serious planning on coming to see me in january (some people are fickle man!! i know how that shit goes. not sayin its intentional ever, but just unpredictable.) then maybe i can get it back by then. but fuh! cause stephanie and michael are coming for christmas so ill need it by then. shit. i gotta send it asap. right after chambord.
sorry i just spent a whole paragraph debating with myself about life, haha. but seriously, i think its time to go to bed. its the weeeeeekend baby! i only had 1 cigarette today. wow. it wasnt intentional, but, it felt good. i mean my lungs missed it, but mentally i succeeded... hmm...
alrighty, have a good'un
bear
mardi 23 octobre 2007
i smell freedom... i smell vacaaaation!
its been a while. ive forgotten what i wrote about last time around... but i know a bit has happened since. damn, its been a LONG week. where do i start... so i finally met all my roomates and theyre all between 20-25, with the exception of Kenza (15). So the other night, my neighbor yohann stopped by my room (hes in school for electrical engineering of some sort... hes learning how to wire elevators) and asked if i had rolling papers. hmmmm. "yessss, may i ask what youre going to put in there?" "du shitre" (hashish), heh. remind you, id asked him before if he smoked anything and hed said no. Well, his buddies from school are always stopping by his spot after class, in the evening to game it up. so i went by and burned with them. then the following afternoon, his buddy abdul stopped by asking for papers again, and he invited me over. that evening, yohann ended up cooking dinner for about... 10 people!! me, yohann & 2 of his friends from school, my neighbors kenza and her sister ikram, icham - my neighbor on the other side, and the german assistant Thang came by with 3 of his german friends. we ate good, we boozed up, cheefed up, and then headed out!
it was about 1 when we left and didnt make i to piiiiimps until about 130. hah, can i just say it is absolutely obligatory from now on that i kick it with germans. fuckin WILD! i believe at one point this guy alex was approached by 2 french girls who asked him for a cigarette, to which he replied, "we my friend an i have 2 big cigarettes right here..." but he looks so fn innocent!!!
so we got turned away from pimps, im guessing cause the germans were wearing jeans and thats not cool. so then we had to walk to old town tours which is about 45 minutes back the way we
came. but we made it to this small bar that had a dance floor downstairs and a stripper pole right in the middle of the floor. and that night in particular there just so happened to be a "safe sex" group there giving out free rubbers, and check this, FEMALE CONDOMS! i mean, ive heard of em, but never in my life have i been showed one, then explained how to use it. its like a fricken trash bag!! and the instructions manual, DEAR GOD! it was descriptive! i mean, i think we could get the gist after 3 pictures, but there must have been about 3 pages with 10 different images showing how to insert it. i mean, pubes and everything. i had a good laugh at it.
AND THEN! if that wasnt enough, there were this one butch lesbian and her friend (who strongly resembled Atlantas own clermont lounge star Blondie...). well, Blondie decides to get up and dance on the pole, go figure, and Thang (bless his heart) gets up there and is dancing with her! so im trying not to make it obvious that they look ridiculous, but i guess she thought i was diggin her, so she reaches out for me to get up there with her, "no thank you man"... so she gives me a rose instead! and i hate it when offensive people get all in your grill and are tryin to talk to you when youve never met them before in your life.. well, her breaf was rank and she said, "you better hold onto that rose!" yea, i still got it... its a rose for cryin out loud! plus i didnt want her to find me later that night without it and have her confront me about it.
what a night. i left kinda early with the germans, around 4 (cause european clubs dont close till 6am!). i got invited out the following night, but i cant hang like that man. no way jose. i mean... i can, but nah. yohann and his buddies invite me over to play playstation fromtime to time and burn. the other night, abdul came and knocked on my door asking if i had any hash. i didnt, so he went downstairs to buy some ciggs at the store and asked one person on his way... the second person asked him if he had any papers and he said, "i have papers if youve got hashish!" so he scored some free hash for just some rolling papers! damn. i told him that didnt happen too often in atlanta. theyre cool guys. they kinda... but no where near, remind me of my homies at ford factory. yea. 1 charles gille is where its at!
last monday and yesterday monday i had the chance to talk in portuguese at the cafe des langues. in fact, i do believe (and i was super stoked about this), i had conversations with people in every language i can handle- french, spanish, english, portuguese, and japanese. i went home feeling very satisfied ^_^. i even learned some dirty german, "mochten sie essen meine muschi?" mmm, try and go figure that one out. *snickers*
stephanie wrote me and told me she bought her ticket to come to europe!!! so... IM GOING TO BERLIN FOR CHRISTMAS/NEWYEARS TO MEET UP WIF MY HOME GIRL!! peeeee! im bummed i wasnt able to get to amstedam this weekend to meet up with mateo and valerie. i just didnt have enough of and advance notice and it was expensive as hell! the only way that would happen is if i can catch a ride with Pascal (weed man)... thats IF hes going. hmm... i should go call him btw. yeaaa.
i did my lessons today on halloween since french people know jack shit about it besides costumes and trick o treatin. haunted houses?? hay rides?? maize mazes?? bobbing for apples?? so i educated them about that stuff, then had them play a 10 questions game. each student chose a character and then the other kids in the class asked them questions to guess what character they were. vampire, warewolf, invisible man, the guy from scream, a pumpkin. i have one student who out shines ALLLLLL my classes combined, out of both schools. his name is Etienne. hes very witty too. ill have to think of way to keep him interested in the class. but it was a success because i got all the students talking and asking questions. we had fun. i just wish id brought them candy. i went to lunch after class with one of the teachers to this traditional creperie restaurant. it was really good.
soooo, now im chillin. im going to call pascal now so i can get my high on. no school tomorrow. friday afternoon starts the vacation- YAY! fingers crossed ill get to paris, or maybe back to chinon to scope out more castles. thatd be the cheaper option. and yea, i gotta strap down now frrreal. hope amerika is doin yall well!
bear
it was about 1 when we left and didnt make i to piiiiimps until about 130. hah, can i just say it is absolutely obligatory from now on that i kick it with germans. fuckin WILD! i believe at one point this guy alex was approached by 2 french girls who asked him for a cigarette, to which he replied, "we my friend an i have 2 big cigarettes right here..." but he looks so fn innocent!!!
so we got turned away from pimps, im guessing cause the germans were wearing jeans and thats not cool. so then we had to walk to old town tours which is about 45 minutes back the way we
came. but we made it to this small bar that had a dance floor downstairs and a stripper pole right in the middle of the floor. and that night in particular there just so happened to be a "safe sex" group there giving out free rubbers, and check this, FEMALE CONDOMS! i mean, ive heard of em, but never in my life have i been showed one, then explained how to use it. its like a fricken trash bag!! and the instructions manual, DEAR GOD! it was descriptive! i mean, i think we could get the gist after 3 pictures, but there must have been about 3 pages with 10 different images showing how to insert it. i mean, pubes and everything. i had a good laugh at it.AND THEN! if that wasnt enough, there were this one butch lesbian and her friend (who strongly resembled Atlantas own clermont lounge star Blondie...). well, Blondie decides to get up and dance on the pole, go figure, and Thang (bless his heart) gets up there and is dancing with her! so im trying not to make it obvious that they look ridiculous, but i guess she thought i was diggin her, so she reaches out for me to get up there with her, "no thank you man"... so she gives me a rose instead! and i hate it when offensive people get all in your grill and are tryin to talk to you when youve never met them before in your life.. well, her breaf was rank and she said, "you better hold onto that rose!" yea, i still got it... its a rose for cryin out loud! plus i didnt want her to find me later that night without it and have her confront me about it.
what a night. i left kinda early with the germans, around 4 (cause european clubs dont close till 6am!). i got invited out the following night, but i cant hang like that man. no way jose. i mean... i can, but nah. yohann and his buddies invite me over to play playstation fromtime to time and burn. the other night, abdul came and knocked on my door asking if i had any hash. i didnt, so he went downstairs to buy some ciggs at the store and asked one person on his way... the second person asked him if he had any papers and he said, "i have papers if youve got hashish!" so he scored some free hash for just some rolling papers! damn. i told him that didnt happen too often in atlanta. theyre cool guys. they kinda... but no where near, remind me of my homies at ford factory. yea. 1 charles gille is where its at!
last monday and yesterday monday i had the chance to talk in portuguese at the cafe des langues. in fact, i do believe (and i was super stoked about this), i had conversations with people in every language i can handle- french, spanish, english, portuguese, and japanese. i went home feeling very satisfied ^_^. i even learned some dirty german, "mochten sie essen meine muschi?" mmm, try and go figure that one out. *snickers*
stephanie wrote me and told me she bought her ticket to come to europe!!! so... IM GOING TO BERLIN FOR CHRISTMAS/NEWYEARS TO MEET UP WIF MY HOME GIRL!! peeeee! im bummed i wasnt able to get to amstedam this weekend to meet up with mateo and valerie. i just didnt have enough of and advance notice and it was expensive as hell! the only way that would happen is if i can catch a ride with Pascal (weed man)... thats IF hes going. hmm... i should go call him btw. yeaaa.
i did my lessons today on halloween since french people know jack shit about it besides costumes and trick o treatin. haunted houses?? hay rides?? maize mazes?? bobbing for apples?? so i educated them about that stuff, then had them play a 10 questions game. each student chose a character and then the other kids in the class asked them questions to guess what character they were. vampire, warewolf, invisible man, the guy from scream, a pumpkin. i have one student who out shines ALLLLLL my classes combined, out of both schools. his name is Etienne. hes very witty too. ill have to think of way to keep him interested in the class. but it was a success because i got all the students talking and asking questions. we had fun. i just wish id brought them candy. i went to lunch after class with one of the teachers to this traditional creperie restaurant. it was really good.
soooo, now im chillin. im going to call pascal now so i can get my high on. no school tomorrow. friday afternoon starts the vacation- YAY! fingers crossed ill get to paris, or maybe back to chinon to scope out more castles. thatd be the cheaper option. and yea, i gotta strap down now frrreal. hope amerika is doin yall well!
bear
lundi 15 octobre 2007
im evolving, you know, like a buttahfly
i have clean cloooooothes!!
i was finally diligent enough today to search out the nearest laundromat and wash my clothes. its been 3 weeks. had i not washed my clothes today, i wouldve had to result to wearing a fancy dress to school tomorrow, and you know i dont do that (dresses are ONLY worn for "dressy" events, or to impress someone) - i can wear whatever i want to school. to my surprise, it was not AS expensive as it could have been. it costs 3,50 for 6kgs of clothes, 3,90 - 7kgs, 6,30 - 10 kgs, 7,20 - 16kgs. and to dry, it costs 1euro for fricken only 10 MINUTES!! i spent less than 10euro so i was happy, and it didnt even take 2 hours.
im almost out of weed. and i looked at my bank account and i think i barely have enough to go to amsterdam to meet up with matt and valerie at the beginning of november. but i also havent heard from coke, corey, or jorge to know whether or not theyre going to make it out for the cannibus cup in mid november. so if i dont have to make that second trip, i may go ahead and throw down for this first one. the only thing that sucks is i dont know if im going to get my first paycheck by then or not. i mean, im supposed to have it by the end of october. i asked about an advancement and the secretary (who i find more and more comical) said shed call around and see if that was possible. shes exactly what i think of when a "french receptionist/secretary" comes to mind: chain smoker, scratchy voice, petite in shape, heavy wrinkles - though she may only be mid/late 40's, very crabby, and profane. i wonder which parents she'll offend and send running out the door. she already cussed at me.
if i dont make it to amsterdam just yet, ill just take a few days and go to paris. damn, its so awesome to be able to say that. "im going to paris for the weekend." hehe, yea, you know it sounds elite as fuuuk.
france lost to england in the semi-finals of the world cup. boo. i was really going for france.
ironically enough, when id left my apt i just set out towards old town tours hoping that MAYBE someone would find me or that id see someone i knew. and sure enough Aine happend to be walking right behind me in this thick crowd. she was meeting up with a bunch of brits at a bar nearby. so i was one american cheering for france amongst a small group of brits, in a french bar. it was a good thing id only watched 2 rugby matches in my life or maybe i would have cared a bit more about the outcome. i called it quits early that night. the weed makes me a wee bit sleepy.
yesterday, sunday, i woke up rather early. maybe it was around 11. i forget. (i woke up today around 10. im trying to get into the habit of waking up earlier. its been a lifelong goal.) well yesterday, id originally wanted to ride the bus down avenue grammont to that park and chill out, but there was a huge bike race and none of the buses were running. and it would have been at least a 45 minute walk. and i didnt have any snacks prepared to take with me. so i ended up taking a walk down avenue beranger i believe. there were tables set up and it was a sort of flea market that stretched the whole length of the street. every family had their own table with all sorts of antiques, books, dolls, toys, childrens clothing, jewelry and other sorts. there were some snack vendors too, with barbes a papa (grandpa's beard- aka cotton candy), crepes, goulettes, sandwiches, croque monsieurs, baguettes, pizzas, hotdogs, polish sausages, nutella covered belgian waffles... and all types of other french favorites. alls i got was a crepe with strawberry jelly. MY FIRST CREPE SINCE IVE BEEN HERE!! besides that though, it was merely window shopping for me. some of the fashion is starting to draw my attention... one day ill have money and be able to keep up with the times. but i dont have the space in my apt really for anything excessive. and i have to sort of keep it simple. its even a bit much for me to buy books because they can way quite a bit. im learning to keep it practical. i dont have a permanent home yet. sigh... ill save those dreams for later.
im also learning to keep a routine. to take walks. to breathe the air (french air smells different). to eat each food group. to cook different, healthy meals with only one electric skillet and a microwave. to be worry-free. to be confident. to be in charge of my life. to be independent. to handle my responsibilities. to be professional. to keep it real. and to be comfortable and accepting as i evolve into my new self. because i am changing. and i am growing.
its monday again. i mean, really, last week sped by REAL quick. so that means another cafe des langues and i absolutely refuse to speak any english this time. not even with my iraki friend.
ive realized where im stumbling the most here. i can talk to adults and kids all day long in french and not even think twice about mistakes. but theres that middle language spoken amongst the people my age which baffles me. damn that verlan! thats what the french slang is called. the word verlan comes from "l'invers", which is to say the inverse of a word. take for example the word soeur (sister) = reuse. or frere (brother) = refe. louche (vulgar) = chule. and just like it took me moving into downtown atlanta to learn the real ebonics, it will take me putting myself in the heart of the college kids to learn some french verlan. but not only verlan, i want to learn the language of the streets as well. just as there is Standard American English, i speak standard france french, but i dont speak the everyday common french. so it sounds a bit too proper. my german neighbor loaned me his book of verlan. but its in german. so i can only guess what the expression really means if its not obvious.
so i made some friends with TAs and my french speaking neighbors, and a couple other english speaking people, but im still on the search for a crew. maybe not even a "crew" per say. it took me 4 years in atlanta before i finally felt id found a posse that suited me after my best friends parted and went in their own directions. (ford factory represent! - jorge and I)
but im just waitin for some people my age to come along, that i can relate to, that listen to the same style of music at least!, that i can chill with, and that i can learn casual french with. i spend entirely too much time at my spot. i mean, yea, if i go outside i spend money and im trying to avoid that, but kickin it and havin conversations are free. ill hollar at my neighbor johann and see what he and his friends are up to next weekend if i stay in town. i just cant take anymore euro-techno bullshit. frrreal.
i made a list of things for my parents to send me. some of it (like peanut butter, ranch dressing, and college ruled notebook paper) just doesnt exist here, while some of it, it would just be nice to have:
recipes
packets of ranch dressing seasoning
peanut butter
ramen - beef, chicken, oriental
yogi green tea
sweaters
winter coat
winter boots (timbalands)
thermal underpants
hand warmers
hair grease- (its a black thing)
tea tree shampoo & conditioner & after conditioner
pillow cases
german grammar book
Ionesco “Rhinoceros” (book)
(2-3) spiral notebooks with perforated paper, college ruled
money - (because the exchange rate suck real bad right now)
it might cost them an arm and a leg to send all that. but, ill just tell them they can send what they think is necessary i guess. its probably going to cost near $200 if they send all of that.
oh, and one more thing i noted... the french girls here are absolutely STUNNING!! there are some really beautiful girls here. the men... not so much. i just dont see any french guy sweeping me off my feet at all. maybe becuase my heart is elsewhere.
until next time... heres to a good week!
bear
i was finally diligent enough today to search out the nearest laundromat and wash my clothes. its been 3 weeks. had i not washed my clothes today, i wouldve had to result to wearing a fancy dress to school tomorrow, and you know i dont do that (dresses are ONLY worn for "dressy" events, or to impress someone) - i can wear whatever i want to school. to my surprise, it was not AS expensive as it could have been. it costs 3,50 for 6kgs of clothes, 3,90 - 7kgs, 6,30 - 10 kgs, 7,20 - 16kgs. and to dry, it costs 1euro for fricken only 10 MINUTES!! i spent less than 10euro so i was happy, and it didnt even take 2 hours.im almost out of weed. and i looked at my bank account and i think i barely have enough to go to amsterdam to meet up with matt and valerie at the beginning of november. but i also havent heard from coke, corey, or jorge to know whether or not theyre going to make it out for the cannibus cup in mid november. so if i dont have to make that second trip, i may go ahead and throw down for this first one. the only thing that sucks is i dont know if im going to get my first paycheck by then or not. i mean, im supposed to have it by the end of october. i asked about an advancement and the secretary (who i find more and more comical) said shed call around and see if that was possible. shes exactly what i think of when a "french receptionist/secretary" comes to mind: chain smoker, scratchy voice, petite in shape, heavy wrinkles - though she may only be mid/late 40's, very crabby, and profane. i wonder which parents she'll offend and send running out the door. she already cussed at me.
if i dont make it to amsterdam just yet, ill just take a few days and go to paris. damn, its so awesome to be able to say that. "im going to paris for the weekend." hehe, yea, you know it sounds elite as fuuuk.
france lost to england in the semi-finals of the world cup. boo. i was really going for france.
ironically enough, when id left my apt i just set out towards old town tours hoping that MAYBE someone would find me or that id see someone i knew. and sure enough Aine happend to be walking right behind me in this thick crowd. she was meeting up with a bunch of brits at a bar nearby. so i was one american cheering for france amongst a small group of brits, in a french bar. it was a good thing id only watched 2 rugby matches in my life or maybe i would have cared a bit more about the outcome. i called it quits early that night. the weed makes me a wee bit sleepy.yesterday, sunday, i woke up rather early. maybe it was around 11. i forget. (i woke up today around 10. im trying to get into the habit of waking up earlier. its been a lifelong goal.) well yesterday, id originally wanted to ride the bus down avenue grammont to that park and chill out, but there was a huge bike race and none of the buses were running. and it would have been at least a 45 minute walk. and i didnt have any snacks prepared to take with me. so i ended up taking a walk down avenue beranger i believe. there were tables set up and it was a sort of flea market that stretched the whole length of the street. every family had their own table with all sorts of antiques, books, dolls, toys, childrens clothing, jewelry and other sorts. there were some snack vendors too, with barbes a papa (grandpa's beard- aka cotton candy), crepes, goulettes, sandwiches, croque monsieurs, baguettes, pizzas, hotdogs, polish sausages, nutella covered belgian waffles... and all types of other french favorites. alls i got was a crepe with strawberry jelly. MY FIRST CREPE SINCE IVE BEEN HERE!! besides that though, it was merely window shopping for me. some of the fashion is starting to draw my attention... one day ill have money and be able to keep up with the times. but i dont have the space in my apt really for anything excessive. and i have to sort of keep it simple. its even a bit much for me to buy books because they can way quite a bit. im learning to keep it practical. i dont have a permanent home yet. sigh... ill save those dreams for later.
im also learning to keep a routine. to take walks. to breathe the air (french air smells different). to eat each food group. to cook different, healthy meals with only one electric skillet and a microwave. to be worry-free. to be confident. to be in charge of my life. to be independent. to handle my responsibilities. to be professional. to keep it real. and to be comfortable and accepting as i evolve into my new self. because i am changing. and i am growing.
its monday again. i mean, really, last week sped by REAL quick. so that means another cafe des langues and i absolutely refuse to speak any english this time. not even with my iraki friend.
ive realized where im stumbling the most here. i can talk to adults and kids all day long in french and not even think twice about mistakes. but theres that middle language spoken amongst the people my age which baffles me. damn that verlan! thats what the french slang is called. the word verlan comes from "l'invers", which is to say the inverse of a word. take for example the word soeur (sister) = reuse. or frere (brother) = refe. louche (vulgar) = chule. and just like it took me moving into downtown atlanta to learn the real ebonics, it will take me putting myself in the heart of the college kids to learn some french verlan. but not only verlan, i want to learn the language of the streets as well. just as there is Standard American English, i speak standard france french, but i dont speak the everyday common french. so it sounds a bit too proper. my german neighbor loaned me his book of verlan. but its in german. so i can only guess what the expression really means if its not obvious.
so i made some friends with TAs and my french speaking neighbors, and a couple other english speaking people, but im still on the search for a crew. maybe not even a "crew" per say. it took me 4 years in atlanta before i finally felt id found a posse that suited me after my best friends parted and went in their own directions. (ford factory represent! - jorge and I)
but im just waitin for some people my age to come along, that i can relate to, that listen to the same style of music at least!, that i can chill with, and that i can learn casual french with. i spend entirely too much time at my spot. i mean, yea, if i go outside i spend money and im trying to avoid that, but kickin it and havin conversations are free. ill hollar at my neighbor johann and see what he and his friends are up to next weekend if i stay in town. i just cant take anymore euro-techno bullshit. frrreal.i made a list of things for my parents to send me. some of it (like peanut butter, ranch dressing, and college ruled notebook paper) just doesnt exist here, while some of it, it would just be nice to have:
recipes
packets of ranch dressing seasoning
peanut butter
ramen - beef, chicken, oriental
yogi green tea
sweaters
winter coat
winter boots (timbalands)
thermal underpants
hand warmers
hair grease- (its a black thing)
tea tree shampoo & conditioner & after conditioner
pillow cases
german grammar book
Ionesco “Rhinoceros” (book)
(2-3) spiral notebooks with perforated paper, college ruled
money - (because the exchange rate suck real bad right now)
it might cost them an arm and a leg to send all that. but, ill just tell them they can send what they think is necessary i guess. its probably going to cost near $200 if they send all of that.
oh, and one more thing i noted... the french girls here are absolutely STUNNING!! there are some really beautiful girls here. the men... not so much. i just dont see any french guy sweeping me off my feet at all. maybe becuase my heart is elsewhere.
until next time... heres to a good week!
bear
samedi 13 octobre 2007
i found a most beautiful road
i found a most beautiful road thursday evening on my way home from buying herb. its actually the main road, rue national, which turns into avenue gambetta, and then after it crosses over the freeway and another small bridge, it enters into the suburbs. once you cross over the bridge the road is marked with TALL trees for about a kilometer. i rode the bus back around 730 in the evening and the sun was just beginning to go down. there were hills and benches behind the trees which made me think there were parks there. im thinkin about havin a little picnic there tomorrow. thatd be cute. tours is actually terribly romantic with the breathtaking loire valley, the loire river, the chateaux of chinon. and the climate here is befitting to the endless wine production.
this past week was my first week working with the kids every day. there were still some class periods where the teachers were not ready for me yet, but i had the chance to talk with the kids, tell them a little about atlanta/usa, myself... already after only one week i know who my brightest students are, the ones who need more attention, the ones who need more discipline, the shy kids... i intercepted my first note that was being passed in the back of class ^_^. i think the girls were shocked that i actually said something, but id be pissed if it were me teaching. yea. im going to spoil a lot of kids hopes for an easy TA. im a firm believer in discipline. and i am not afraid to beat your childs ass.
and actually, this week has gone by pretty... slow? besides going to the prefecture to get the extent on my visa, ive just been laying low, chillin with mary jane.
today i was up around noon and eleni came over around 1 so i could go with her to the pharmacy. theres a little drama going down in my apt building. so the columbian was spittin mad game at my greek friend. but hes got a girlfriend. and weve both met her. but the other night, somehow everyone decided to squeeze into my space to chill. ive been smokin herb all day, the columbian and her are both drinkin. next thing i know hes makin moves at her while theyre on my bed. i mean, whatever... you guys be sneaky. do what you do. but just figure that shit out in someone elses place. not mine. cause i dont want nothin to do with whats goin down. they finally left around... 230-3am... i dont think i got to bed until 5 that night.
well the condom broke. so i went with my friend not the following day, but the next day to get the morning after pill. let your lesson be learned kids. this shit is reality in yo face!
i also bought a new blanket for my bed!! its starting to get pretty cold and i dont want to have to wear a whole jogging suit to bed. or a room full of pillows would always be nice. there was also a sale on scarfs!! ,50 euro a piece!!! i got like... 6,50 in scarfs, so... 9/10 scarfs! yea. theyre all real cute.
WOW!! i learned how to put pictures in this thing!! awww snap!! time to go back and edit some blogs. alright, ill do that later.
so after a little shopping we came back to my spot and chilled, then she went home, and i went out to watch the rugby match. it was france vs england, and sadly enough france lost.
ive been having the strangest feelings lately. like im utterly within a dream, within a dream. some days the feeling is stronger than others. the certain people i meet. the settings in which i meet them. my being in france! perhaps this feeling is the feeling of enlightenment, of growing. i feel i dreamed a lot more when i was younger because there was so much that i didnt know. and now that ive moved to another world- because it is a whole different world- i have to learn everything all over again. but the odd thing is, i feel as if all that im learning now, my reality as it is right now, is just a much clearer, a much more graspable replication of the dreams i had as a child. the names of the people in my life are what ring a bell most. i was never able to place faces with my dreams then. im plagued with deja vu.
i just think of it as im in the right place, at the right time, doing exactly what i need to be doing in my life. i cant over think tomorrow or expect too much, or not prepare enough.
the first school holiday is coming up!!! its october 27- november 8, and im going to paris and amsterdam!! the plan is to go to paris for a couple days and then catch the train to the dam to meet up with matt p and valerie. go to the museum night. smoke some good maybe. that sorta thing. i just have to check the funds. hopefully ill get paid by the end of october, but theres really no way of telling. damn... i really want to go. cross your fingers for me. i still have 2 weeks to live on $300 AND pay for that trip... yarrrrrg!
the german TA thang ended up moving down the hall in the nice room i wanted but couldnt afford. hes pretty cool. i dont know why, but i have this odd thinking that because he speaks german and french that he should speak english too... but every time i start to talk to him in english, or if he starts to say two word s in english, he has to speak french. his parents are vietnamese, but he grew in dresde germany. hes teaching me german, and verlan- the dirrrty french slang!
im really quite proud of myself. ive woken up on time every morning so far for class. i havent been late yet!! seriously, this is a lifetime record. ive been late my whole life. its because im absent minded and i drift easily, i cant focus, forget my thoughts, forget my mind...
um... i also got my first summer job offer tossed at me. as an opair in bordeaux. for a small family with 2 kids- a 3year old and a 1year old. id have my own apt in the attic. and i could stay as long as id like. damn... im really not coming back.
my determination to perfect my french is getting stronger. i hate talking in english. and i hate not being able to follow 100% with what someone is saying. and i hate when people say i have a slight accent. so, this is what i need to improve. i just wish i could find a chill subculture to mingle with. "je n'ai pas l'habitude de parler." im not in the habit of speaking. i speak fine with adults, but im not yet comfortable talking with people my age. its a much more comfortable, relaxed french. that street french. ill find it. theres just so much youth, that plastic, all for the image, barbie shit. and its such a uniformed look. theres not very much variation or diversity here. so pretty much im free to do whatever i want.
well, im pretty tired. that weed i got is pretty good. but ive smoked about half already.
im feeling less inspired to write and more inspired to dream lately. im still getting used to my early schedule so bare with me for the time being.
much much love
joanna
this past week was my first week working with the kids every day. there were still some class periods where the teachers were not ready for me yet, but i had the chance to talk with the kids, tell them a little about atlanta/usa, myself... already after only one week i know who my brightest students are, the ones who need more attention, the ones who need more discipline, the shy kids... i intercepted my first note that was being passed in the back of class ^_^. i think the girls were shocked that i actually said something, but id be pissed if it were me teaching. yea. im going to spoil a lot of kids hopes for an easy TA. im a firm believer in discipline. and i am not afraid to beat your childs ass.
and actually, this week has gone by pretty... slow? besides going to the prefecture to get the extent on my visa, ive just been laying low, chillin with mary jane.
today i was up around noon and eleni came over around 1 so i could go with her to the pharmacy. theres a little drama going down in my apt building. so the columbian was spittin mad game at my greek friend. but hes got a girlfriend. and weve both met her. but the other night, somehow everyone decided to squeeze into my space to chill. ive been smokin herb all day, the columbian and her are both drinkin. next thing i know hes makin moves at her while theyre on my bed. i mean, whatever... you guys be sneaky. do what you do. but just figure that shit out in someone elses place. not mine. cause i dont want nothin to do with whats goin down. they finally left around... 230-3am... i dont think i got to bed until 5 that night.
well the condom broke. so i went with my friend not the following day, but the next day to get the morning after pill. let your lesson be learned kids. this shit is reality in yo face!
i also bought a new blanket for my bed!! its starting to get pretty cold and i dont want to have to wear a whole jogging suit to bed. or a room full of pillows would always be nice. there was also a sale on scarfs!! ,50 euro a piece!!! i got like... 6,50 in scarfs, so... 9/10 scarfs! yea. theyre all real cute.
WOW!! i learned how to put pictures in this thing!! awww snap!! time to go back and edit some blogs. alright, ill do that later.
so after a little shopping we came back to my spot and chilled, then she went home, and i went out to watch the rugby match. it was france vs england, and sadly enough france lost.
ive been having the strangest feelings lately. like im utterly within a dream, within a dream. some days the feeling is stronger than others. the certain people i meet. the settings in which i meet them. my being in france! perhaps this feeling is the feeling of enlightenment, of growing. i feel i dreamed a lot more when i was younger because there was so much that i didnt know. and now that ive moved to another world- because it is a whole different world- i have to learn everything all over again. but the odd thing is, i feel as if all that im learning now, my reality as it is right now, is just a much clearer, a much more graspable replication of the dreams i had as a child. the names of the people in my life are what ring a bell most. i was never able to place faces with my dreams then. im plagued with deja vu.
i just think of it as im in the right place, at the right time, doing exactly what i need to be doing in my life. i cant over think tomorrow or expect too much, or not prepare enough.
the first school holiday is coming up!!! its october 27- november 8, and im going to paris and amsterdam!! the plan is to go to paris for a couple days and then catch the train to the dam to meet up with matt p and valerie. go to the museum night. smoke some good maybe. that sorta thing. i just have to check the funds. hopefully ill get paid by the end of october, but theres really no way of telling. damn... i really want to go. cross your fingers for me. i still have 2 weeks to live on $300 AND pay for that trip... yarrrrrg!
the german TA thang ended up moving down the hall in the nice room i wanted but couldnt afford. hes pretty cool. i dont know why, but i have this odd thinking that because he speaks german and french that he should speak english too... but every time i start to talk to him in english, or if he starts to say two word s in english, he has to speak french. his parents are vietnamese, but he grew in dresde germany. hes teaching me german, and verlan- the dirrrty french slang!
im really quite proud of myself. ive woken up on time every morning so far for class. i havent been late yet!! seriously, this is a lifetime record. ive been late my whole life. its because im absent minded and i drift easily, i cant focus, forget my thoughts, forget my mind...
um... i also got my first summer job offer tossed at me. as an opair in bordeaux. for a small family with 2 kids- a 3year old and a 1year old. id have my own apt in the attic. and i could stay as long as id like. damn... im really not coming back.
my determination to perfect my french is getting stronger. i hate talking in english. and i hate not being able to follow 100% with what someone is saying. and i hate when people say i have a slight accent. so, this is what i need to improve. i just wish i could find a chill subculture to mingle with. "je n'ai pas l'habitude de parler." im not in the habit of speaking. i speak fine with adults, but im not yet comfortable talking with people my age. its a much more comfortable, relaxed french. that street french. ill find it. theres just so much youth, that plastic, all for the image, barbie shit. and its such a uniformed look. theres not very much variation or diversity here. so pretty much im free to do whatever i want.
well, im pretty tired. that weed i got is pretty good. but ive smoked about half already.
im feeling less inspired to write and more inspired to dream lately. im still getting used to my early schedule so bare with me for the time being.
much much love
joanna
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