im evolving, you know, like a buttahfly

i have clean cloooooothes!!
i was finally diligent enough today to search out the nearest laundromat and wash my clothes. its been 3 weeks. had i not washed my clothes today, i wouldve had to result to wearing a fancy dress to school tomorrow, and you know i dont do that (dresses are ONLY worn for "dressy" events, or to impress someone) - i can wear whatever i want to school. to my surprise, it was not AS expensive as it could have been. it costs 3,50 for 6kgs of clothes, 3,90 - 7kgs, 6,30 - 10 kgs, 7,20 - 16kgs. and to dry, it costs 1euro for fricken only 10 MINUTES!! i spent less than 10euro so i was happy, and it didnt even take 2 hours.

im almost out of weed. and i looked at my bank account and i think i barely have enough to go to amsterdam to meet up with matt and valerie at the beginning of november. but i also havent heard from coke, corey, or jorge to know whether or not theyre going to make it out for the cannibus cup in mid november. so if i dont have to make that second trip, i may go ahead and throw down for this first one. the only thing that sucks is i dont know if im going to get my first paycheck by then or not. i mean, im supposed to have it by the end of october. i asked about an advancement and the secretary (who i find more and more comical) said shed call around and see if that was possible. shes exactly what i think of when a "french receptionist/secretary" comes to mind: chain smoker, scratchy voice, petite in shape, heavy wrinkles - though she may only be mid/late 40's, very crabby, and profane. i wonder which parents she'll offend and send running out the door. she already cussed at me.

if i dont make it to amsterdam just yet, ill just take a few days and go to paris. damn, its so awesome to be able to say that. "im going to paris for the weekend." hehe, yea, you know it sounds elite as fuuuk.


france lost to england in the semi-finals of the world cup. boo. i was really going for france. ironically enough, when id left my apt i just set out towards old town tours hoping that MAYBE someone would find me or that id see someone i knew. and sure enough Aine happend to be walking right behind me in this thick crowd. she was meeting up with a bunch of brits at a bar nearby. so i was one american cheering for france amongst a small group of brits, in a french bar. it was a good thing id only watched 2 rugby matches in my life or maybe i would have cared a bit more about the outcome. i called it quits early that night. the weed makes me a wee bit sleepy.

yesterday, sunday, i woke up rather early. maybe it was around 11. i forget. (i woke up today around 10. im trying to get into the habit of waking up earlier. its been a lifelong goal.) well yesterday, id originally wanted to ride the bus down avenue grammont to that park and chill out, but there was a huge bike race and none of the buses were running. and it would have been at least a 45 minute walk. and i didnt have any snacks prepared to take with me. so i ended up taking a walk down avenue beranger i believe. there were tables set up and it was a sort of flea market that stretched the whole length of the street. every family had their own table with all sorts of antiques, books, dolls, toys, childrens clothing, jewelry and other sorts. there were some snack vendors too, with barbes a papa (grandpa's beard- aka cotton candy), crepes, goulettes, sandwiches, croque monsieurs, baguettes, pizzas, hotdogs, polish sausages, nutella covered belgian waffles... and all types of other french favorites. alls i got was a crepe with strawberry jelly. MY FIRST CREPE SINCE IVE BEEN HERE!! besides that though, it was merely window shopping for me. some of the fashion is starting to draw my attention... one day ill have money and be able to keep up with the times. but i dont have the space in my apt really for anything excessive. and i have to sort of keep it simple. its even a bit much for me to buy books because they can way quite a bit. im learning to keep it practical. i dont have a permanent home yet. sigh... ill save those dreams for later.


im also learning to keep a routine. to take walks. to breathe the air (french air smells different). to eat each food group. to cook different, healthy meals with only one electric skillet and a microwave. to be worry-free. to be confident. to be in charge of my life. to be independent. to handle my responsibilities. to be professional. to keep it real. and to be comfortable and accepting as i evolve into my new self. because i am changing. and i am growing.



its monday again. i mean, really, last week sped by REAL quick. so that means another cafe des langues and i absolutely refuse to speak any english this time. not even with my iraki friend.

ive realized where im stumbling the most here. i can talk to adults and kids all day long in french and not even think twice about mistakes. but theres that middle language spoken amongst the people my age which baffles me. damn that verlan! thats what the french slang is called. the word verlan comes from "l'invers", which is to say the inverse of a word. take for example the word soeur (sister) = reuse. or frere (brother) = refe. louche (vulgar) = chule. and just like it took me moving into downtown atlanta to learn the real ebonics, it will take me putting myself in the heart of the college kids to learn some french verlan. but not only verlan, i want to learn the language of the streets as well. just as there is Standard American English, i speak standard france french, but i dont speak the everyday common french. so it sounds a bit too proper. my german neighbor loaned me his book of verlan. but its in german. so i can only guess what the expression really means if its not obvious.

so i made some friends with TAs and my french speaking neighbors, and a couple other english speaking people, but im still on the search for a crew. maybe not even a "crew" per say. it took me 4 years in atlanta before i finally felt id found a posse that suited me after my best friends parted and went in their own directions. (ford factory represent! - jorge and I) but im just waitin for some people my age to come along, that i can relate to, that listen to the same style of music at least!, that i can chill with, and that i can learn casual french with. i spend entirely too much time at my spot. i mean, yea, if i go outside i spend money and im trying to avoid that, but kickin it and havin conversations are free. ill hollar at my neighbor johann and see what he and his friends are up to next weekend if i stay in town. i just cant take anymore euro-techno bullshit. frrreal.

i made a list of things for my parents to send me. some of it (like peanut butter, ranch dressing, and college ruled notebook paper) just doesnt exist here, while some of it, it would just be nice to have:

recipes
packets of ranch dressing seasoning
peanut butter
ramen - beef, chicken, oriental
yogi green tea
sweaters
winter coat
winter boots (timbalands)
thermal underpants
hand warmers
hair grease- (its a black thing)
tea tree shampoo & conditioner & after conditioner
pillow cases
german grammar book
Ionesco “Rhinoceros” (book)
(2-3) spiral notebooks with perforated paper, college ruled
money - (because the exchange rate suck real bad right now)

it might cost them an arm and a leg to send all that. but, ill just tell them they can send what they think is necessary i guess. its probably going to cost near $200 if they send all of that.

oh, and one more thing i noted... the french girls here are absolutely STUNNING!! there are some really beautiful girls here. the men... not so much. i just dont see any french guy sweeping me off my feet at all. maybe becuase my heart is elsewhere.


until next time... heres to a good week!
bear