Scatterbrained

Dec 22
It's been over a month since I last wrote, but it's been on my mind for a while now to update. It takes a certain mood, mind set, patience to sit down and write about life. I enjoy doing it, but I'm a lazy bum quite frankly and getting high and doing nothing still really appeals to me. Having said that, time out while I roll a spliff...

alright, where was I? Oh yea, "tis the season..."

Tis the season to count our blessings. I'm so blessed, it baffles me sometimes. And not even in the religious sense. I mean, in life in general. Tis the season to be jolly, to eat well, to laugh a lot, to drink a lot. I lost count of the number parties I went to this month. There were many. Going out dancing.. I think it's become a joke to me. I'm always too wasted. It's always too cold, and the long walk home sucks. I wish I were at home with my family, sitting on the fireplace mantel with my back exposed to a hot fire. My little brother and I used to see who could make their back the hottest.

I've been thinking a lot about life lately. In many ways. About friends, the people we meet. It seems the older we get, the more we appreciate every person who comes into our lives. Whether it be for a short period of time or long; whether they be a positive vibration or a tremble that we are forced to learn patience with. I was talking to a good friend of mine last night and the topic of loving others came up. What do you do when there is someone who develops hatred for you, whom you never intended of offending? Of course the answer is just to love them even more. In that sense, we learn blind compassion. It's damn hard.


Dec 23
This past month hasn't been too eventful. Oh wait!! There was Thanksgiving. and out of my 12 classes, I had ONE STUDENT who knew a damn thing about turkey day. The American assistants got together to celebrate this wondrous day. We had a turkey, which BLT managed to cook in a microwave!! Bravo BLT!! She also had her parents import us some cranberry sauce. mmm!! There was much drinking, PLENTY of food. I brought the salad. But there was also stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, zucchini, squash, green beans, and of course, baguette, and lots of wine. We had Thanksgiving dinner with the assistants on Friday, but on Thursday, Me BLT and Thang had dinner at Brittany's house. I think it was Lasagna and salad and vegetables. It was Thang's first thanksgiving.


Dec 24
Ok... It's taken me about 3 days (no joke) to write this blog.
It's now Christmas eve. I think everyone in my apartment building has left. Today feels like one of the most quiet days of my life. Not only have all the assistants (sauf Bryan) left out of town either to other countries or back to USA, but Tours is one of those towns that people leave for vacation, not come to. I've seen a couple people who look like they're from Scandinavia or something. Abnormally tall men.

No one has been getting online. Which sucks because there's no one to chat with. Except Alex. I can't believe she's had MSN this whole time and I haven't known! She's the other love of my life. I love her! I think she knows me best these days. And I miss her so much. I hope she will be able to come visit me this February with my sister. She wants to go to Amsterdam, haha. And a foam party ^_^.


I spoke with John-Mercer's little brother Micah yesterday and come to find out he(Micah) is coming back to Deutschland tomorrow, Christmas. But he's going to be in Munich, way to far in the south to try and meet up with him. But what made me smile really big was when I went to the post office today and mailed JMega's carepackage AND Micah's Christmas card with money for my tshirt. I wasn't expecting to send two things today, but it was sweet that it was to two boys in the same family. I miss them.

But I can't wait to go to Deutschland myself on wednesday (2 days)!! I have to find my Titre de Sejour... I lost it somewhere in my bedroom. I made copies of it at school one afternoon. That was the last I remember seeing it. I suppose if I find the copy I made, I'll find it.

My neighbors keep throwing things out into the hallway that they no longer want. Yesterday I scored these neat clothing storage shelves in the hallway... (dude, it took me so long to think of how to call it! haha. It was a toss up between that and clothing storage furniture ^_^HI). It's a lazy monday. I doubt there will be cafe des langues tonight, haha. But I'll be looking into some German to prepare myself for my trip. I bought a bilingual book today. I think it's some love story, but it has the text in german and cross-referenced in french. (make sense?) So when you open it up, all the left pages of the book are in german, all the right sides are french.
Why does this blog feel so technical? I think I've completely forgotten my english, haha.

Hmm... Not too much else going on on my side of the world. My mind has quieted down since this morning. I my mom put some money in the bank for me. More than what I was expecting. So I bought a train ticket to Paris for the last 5 days of vacation when I get back from Berlin. YAY! It's going to feel so good wandering for 10 days straight. well... a long ass bus ride, wandering, another bus ride, a train ride, wandering, a train ride, and then sleep. That sounds so beautiful to me. If you only knew. Im planning a 2nd trip to Deutschland already, to Mainz to visit Mikey. Bus tickets are only 50 round trip from Tours, so its just a matter of choosing dates.

One of my students told me I was awesome before I left on break. They're starting to LOVE me. and that makes me happy ^_^.

Oh, hah. How could I have forgotten. I've decided to move to Spain come May, for about 2 months. Just to chill out. That's the plan so far, and then maybe go to Deutschland in July. But... we'll see how things unfold. I'm just not ready to go back to the states yet. It's much too soon, and I'm too high up to come back down now. I wanna see where the wind takes me in this liberated zone I've found myself in. What's tight is that I'll get the security deposit back from my landlord at the end of April. I'll go ahead and buy my plane ticket ahead of time and start saving come... well, next pay check. So I'll be heading to Spain with a chunk of change. I wrote to Maktub yesterday, so I'm awaiting their response to see if I can work/live there or not. If not Maktub, I'll see about Rambutan. That might be pretty sweet too, up there in the mountains. mmm... how I love Spain in the middle of the summer. But check this! If I score the job in Granada, that means I'll be able to go to Morocco! Big plans for 2008. Stay tuned.

bear

C'est a moi que tu parles?!?

So first things first... i noticed ive got a southern accent. but actually its very subtle. I only notice it with words that end in -ING. i have a tendency to drop the g a the end. and then i say, "Imma" too.

Yo, so this weekend has been crazy! it started out with thursday night, Gus and Skal's friend Jessai invited me over to dinner with them and it was wonderful! Smokin spliffs at the dinner table. Then friday night, Stephane- the american gal from N. California- had a party at her place. that shit was krunk. (not like ATL krunk. one day ill share with you all just what all would go down at ATL krunk parties. haha. but for france's standards...) Yesterday we had a tour of Tours with a few assistants. there were only 7 assistants that showed because of the train strike and people not being able to find a way into town. and there were 2 guides and their 3 friends. I mean, Ive been here 2 months so I know the city pretty well already. the historical stuff was neat. but we only went to like 4 sites! so then after we had lunch they gave us a scavenger hunt to complete in groups of 2 (one person went home). Fricken, tell me why we fuckin walked around the corner and the first group of old people we saw, we all bombarded them to get the answers. and then, to make it even worse, we went to mcdonalds after that. I scooped up my laptop and we tried to bootleg all the answers off the internet. soooooooooooo damn american! but then of course they knew that wed all worked together on the hunt. They were a little upset about that. I felt a little bad.

well then, ashley and i and this guy jariel who is working in orleans were going to go shopping. well, i go to drop my laptop off at home and then i never found them when i came back!! so i went shopping by myself, they went and bought a couple things, and then finally around like 8pm i met up with them at the nebab for some Kebab. I LOVE KEBAB. even more than mcdo.

following dinner, i went home and chiled at thang's place with a texan girl named carly ann who speaks portuguese, and this german guy norman. Carly ann went to brazil in january of this year to study, well her university went on strike, so she was just living there for like 4 months or so chillin. and now shes livin in france studying french through this program called Erasmus. ok, BEST idea ever. With this program, you can go to whichever county you want to for anywehre from 3 months to a year, for language studies, to learn the language. ive met people whove gone to portugal, germany, england, spain... id really love to do that. norman is an opair here with 2 boys- 7 & 9. he told me of a website called like "opairworld.com" which is a networking site for families and opairs. which means, i could search out a family in any country i wanted and go there to work... BRILLIANT!!! which means, i officially have the upper hand in my life again. im one step ahead. i could do that at least until im 24. I met both norman and carly ann at the cafe des langues. theyre kool kids.

well elena, another german assistant, came by and then the 5 of us walked to whitney's for a house party. that was fun. i drank some pastise- that shits good, but strong. there were about 30 people in her small 40m/sq apt. Bryan brought his italian friends, there were about 6-7 germans, americans, a dutch girl, and a sleeping baby upstairs, so we didnt stay long before we moved the party elsewhere.

francis, aurore, and fabian came- french friends of mine. haha... ok. heres the best sign that shows that im starting to get comfortable here. i love it. so the three of them show up at the party. we exchange des bises (kisses), and the first thing francis whispers to me is, "ive got something for you." **snickers** my toes twinkled. oh i know, i know. fuckin junky. whatever. and it was some fire ass weed man!! Actually, thats the second time thats happened this week. I went to Skals earlier in the week, like tuesday, and he was like, "ive got something for you." haha. except for that time he was going to give me some special K and I was a little hesitant. he ended up doing it by himself the next day, hah. I told him hes gotta give me some of the mushrooms hes hording away for himself instead though. nothin like free drugs man!

after some drinkin and socializin and picture takin, we headed off to Cafe Chaud (bar/club) in place plume. that was a blast. German "Alex..." was there, freakin over all the ladies again as usual. that kid cracks me up. but you gotta have one person who youre comfortable to get down with and you dont have to worry about comin on too strong. i mean, he totally comes on way too strong everytime, but its really impossible to take him seriously. he means well :p. and we all have a good time. and hes maybe the only one who knows how to get down. compared to what im used to. I had the best damn dance partner in atlanta- I miss you Colin Lyerly. I owe you a dance when I get back.

the assistant from new york who i met during orientation, a renoix (black guy) from the bronx, named Ayo, he came in town for the weekend. im not sure for what reason exactly. But he picked a good weekend to come, with all the parties and what not. Theres absolutely squat goin down in Chartres. although, he is only about 45 minutes from paris. lucky buster. well i saw him at the party last night and for some reason, this night in particular, i had about 3 people ask me to hook them up with herb!! maaaaaaaaaan. i will NOT be the assistant trafficker of weed man!! I told Ayo he could ride down there with me today since hes from out of town and all. But frreal, imma have to tax a little bit. Skal suggested i buy in bulk and sell it off. which would officially make me a dealer. ill think about it. i could get mine for damn cheap...

oooooh lazy sunday. LAZY sunday indeed. I started watching the movie "La Haine". possible one of the best french films ever. i passed out about half way through, as usual. my fav character is Vinz. most famous line, "C'est a moi que tu parles? C'est vraiment a moi que tu parles?" (you talkin to me? are you really talkin to me?" actually.... hmm... i think i may have seen this film once upon a time. but dubbed in english. i dont remember. the college years erased my memory. damnit. oh well. i wont chase after forgotten memories. just make new ones. Ashley is going back to the states for thanksgiving. and that kid jariel is going back in december. lucky sons of bitches. well im going to berlin and im going to have new years with stephanie and michael, so there. its a good thing i chose the dates i did. im leaving the day after christmas, so i wont be alone on jesus' birthday. and then im coming back the 2nd of jan. thang wants me to try and swing through dresde so he can show me around his town. i think thatd be dope, but i dont know when my mom is coming to visit me. i think she was saying the first week in january, so... i gotta wait and see about that.

um... ok, so imma keep being lazy and bake now that ive awaked. its PB&J for lunch. then ayo is stopping by with another assistant to, you know... run errands. and then... i dunno. i gotta go to Orleans tomorrow for my medical visit so i wont get deported, hah. Brittany's boyfriend Teddy is drivin a group of is up there. And then, since that kid Jariel lives there, we're all gonna do lunch, have him show us around town. The teachers strike is on tuesday, so i may or may not have class. i hope not. i mean, i got a lesson plan already, but still. i dont wanna wake up. the past 2 thursdays, ive woken up at fuckin 630 man... i want to die by the end of the day. id be miserable if i had to do that shit all the time.

alright. freal though. im hungry ^_^
peace out.
mata ne
bear

Putain merde! cest nawek!

OK OK!! blog update mothafuckaaaaaaas!

I booked berlin today. DAMN! that felt good. I feel like so much got lifted off my shoulders. So much so that i put on my ritual get down music, and I got down. Its MIA- Kala. and you know, the more i think about it, im pretty sure about 80% of my friends went to the MIA show in their town. no, im not exaggerating. know how i know? cause every one of the mofo's has facebook and they updated their status, posted pictures, made events AND THEN INVITED ME TO THEM! all to celebrate the one and only. s'kool. ^_^

Sorry, bear with me. Its a friday afternoon on my week B schedule which means I only had one class at noon:30 with the european section 8th graders in Saint Cyr... which means, these kids could give tour guides at the high museum of art. they dont need an english TA. i did the math. i made about 20$/hr today just for looking over their shoulders while they worked on presentations. i dont have to put up with bullshit kids who are emotionally unstable and feel like crying and cussin at the teacher all day. there was one girl at the "OTHER" school. haha. thank god i only have to go there once a week. i have maybe 2 good classes out of 6. i had to cuss one girl out last week cause she got outta line. i dont care if you pout, but you make faces at me and i wont tolerate that bs. ca fait chier! i gave her the option of shutting up or leaving. she stayed. and im glad she did. i hate having to regulate, but you gotta with kids. they need it. but yesterday, one girl started crying randomly and wen the teacher was like, "i dont know why youre so upset like that" she told her to fuck off and screamed back at the teacher. dammmmn. haha. maybe its cause im black that i got no patience for insubordinate shits, haha. nono, ive seen some bad ass black kids. my cousins are spoiled as fuck. JaKwon and Aaliyah. theyre cute as hell though.

oh snap! i also remembered, i do have one boy in my class named anthony. his dad is british, and hes lived in england and dubai, so he speak perfect english pretty much. hes pretty cool to have in the class. i dont know if the other students think hes cool. but i think thats damn cool to have lived in dubai and london and france before the age of 15! thats like vacation destinations! newho.

Ive been kicking it more and more with gus and skal. my french slang is gettin GOOOOOD! skal was taking me home one night and i was talking to him about some instances and it was jam packed with improper vocabulary. heres a brief list of the most common ones:

une moeuf- (verlen)- femme= a woman
un mec- slang- homme= a man, young man
un gas- slang- homme= a guy
un pote- slang- amie= a friend
une reum- (verlen)- mere= mother
un reuf-(verlen)-frere= brother
une roeus- (verlen)- soeur= sister
un flic- slang- gendarme=police
un keuf- (verlen)- gendarme= police
un poulet- slang- gendarme=police
***there are PLENTY more for cops, these are the most common
cimer-(verlen)- merci= thank you
ouf-(verlen)-fou= crazy
deuma- (verlen)/slang- mad= mad, crazy
chelou-(verlen)- louche= dirty
wam-(verlen)-moi= me
wat-(verlen)-toi=you
solde-(verlen)-desole= im sorry
nawek- slang- n'importe quoi= nothing
keefer qqc- slang- aimer qqc= to like something "je keefe ce mix" i love this mix.
la bombe- slang= the bomb
ca caille- slang= its cold!
habat-arabic-defonce= drunk, blazed... torn up
nickel- slang= golden- "c'est nikel!" = "thats golden!"
renoix- (verlen)- noire= a black person

thats all i got for know. i cant think of any other ones. but i have to say that im super stoked that i was able to meet gus and skal. not only are they ill folk, but they keep sweet sweet company. one girl, jessai-22yrs, invited me to her house last night with the guys and a couple other of her friends. there were about 8 of us. she made a tartelette de fromage which was dElicious. we smoked hashish from arrival until departure. two matches of poker. laughs. smiles. and good times. its definitely something to be invited into a french person's home and to be able to experience what is french culture. it starts in the home. french people eat super slow. always 4 courses for dinner- appetizers, main dish, cheese, dessert. there is always a baguette. and its customary to bring a gift if you are invited. usually i bring wine. white wine with appetizers, and some sea foods. red wines with red meat, some fish... most entrees go well with red wine but it just depends on your personal preference also... damn, i sound like a wino! and generally, french people eat farely late. im talkin like sometimes between 9-10pm. most french people who smoke hashish smoke them back to back to back. and theyre all expert spliff rollers.

theres a game they play when theyre smoking. if they say, "qui dit bedo?"the first person to respond "bedo" gets the spliff. or they could say, "qui dit spliff?" "spliff". its usually if theres company. but actually, if theres company, chances are that there are anywhere from 2-5 spliffs going around the table at once.

tangent. my fav song just came on my play list. its MIA- jimmy. shhh.... im dancing..."jimmy, hacha! jimmy, hacha!..." im totally boozin on a friday afternoon. one of the assistants is having a house warming party at her spot tonight. if theres any whiskey left come 10pm ill bring the bottle. otherwise ill have to pick up a pie or something nice. nono, ill grab a bag of schrumfs. ill be bringing about 10 bags of those home. its blue gummy smurfs that taste like artificial blueberry goodness. mmm... theyre so damn addicting!

what else has been going on??? oh yea, so i got mothafuckin castles in my back yard yall! theyre all within about a 30-45 min train/car ride. so far ive been to azay-le-rideau, amboise (right---> and chaumont-sur-loire. my fav so far has been amboise located in the city of onzain a 30 min train ride from tours. chaumont was a little creepy. its got ties to free masons and weird shit like that. haha. i dunno, the guy who told us this stuff was a little odd. im really looking forward to chambord(very bottom), villandry(just below), and chenenceau (top castle on water).











Ill have to wait until spring time to go and see Villandry. all those gardens are breathtaking when in bloom. and I still need to get to paris!! no hurry. Id like to see Versaille though. like really, cause i didnt get to see it last summer. or the Moulin Rouge. but i did see the red district in amsterdam. after dark. and that was disgusting. so much so that i packed my bags up and booked a ticket to paris the next morning. after only ONE day in the Dam, can you believe that?? but i stayed longer cause i missed my train, and i cant really say why... . alright, im starting to feel claustrophobic. Damn, i wish i had a LITTLE more space in my room.

AND finally, but not least, to wrap this up and go buy stephane's pie. I do NOT know when im coming back from france. i know id piped last week and said something like 3 years but... its greatly pending. im actually really wanting to come back. i know, i know. total bitch move on my part. wait your whole life for a dream to come true and it comes true right at the same time another one does, but one is like a now or never, and the other will wait on you, so im hoping... blah blah... im trying to have my cake and eat it too guys. like seriously. ill be able to do whatever i want come may. my skills are being perfected. im ready to work. let me answer a damn telephone for 30k a year. frreal. haha, nah, i couldnt sell out for that. unless it was the embassy. and id only do that if they wont drug test me. i could go to GSU and finish there. if im ready to take on round 2 of atlanta. **shudders** some things, not others. damn. im just thinkin about Berlin right now. and MIA. and i keep dreaming about that damn white horse. i want.

ps. i hate doing laundry. no one gives me change for the laundromat. and then its like work, walking down there, waiting, shifting clothes. but all my stuff is clean again. finally.

bisous bisous
bear.

mr golden sun

it rained all night last night, and its been raining all morning so far. god i miss that. not that the weathers been beautiful here, because it hasnt been all that great. very gloomy, always overcast. if the sun comes out at all its between 3-5. its just i havent fallen asleep to the sound of rain in a long time. the temperature continues to drop and ive switched to wearing my hooded vest coat beneath my other one. i wish id brought my black trench coat. i love trench coats. damn... i bet i could still get it shipped. but i suppose once i get my pea coat that might suffice. and i wish i had my rain boots. perhaps ill buy a new pair here.

i seem to be coming down hard with something. i havent been as up to beat since thursday night. i went to pimps with eleni, her neighbor caroline, and her boyfriend, another guy gille who id met once before at the cafe des langues, and a couple others. but i really had absolutely no life in me. and gille kept trying to neck me, or i dont know what the hell he was doing. i nearly hurled when i was walking to meet up with them and i ended up leaving the club early and walking home by myself around 3.

friday night the german assistant, Thang's girlfriend arrived from germany. when he went to pick her up he was dressed in a suit and tie and hed bought flowers for her. sigh, it was absolutely adorable. hah, so then he stopped by my door to say whats up after about an hour or so and he says to me, "if you wanna stop by and meet my girl, practice your german, you know, come on over. just, give us a few first." ...duude... cooome on!! she just took a damn 12 hr train ride from dresde. you havent seen her in how long? you cant just tell me 'just give us a few'. alls im sayin is... id just straight up be like "ill see you tomorrow man! goooood night!"

i bought a dress on friday with my neighbor ikram. saturday i met up with ashley and we did a little bit of shopping. but well, i didnt buy anything that time. and that was after id slept until 15h and was only jolted out of bed by my doorbell. it was a taiwanese girl buon shyuu(???) that id met at cafe des langues who wanted to have an french exchange. shes going to find me a japanese exchange ^_^. well, she brought me a croissant when she came up, which was nice. and i invited her to come shopping with ashley and i, but she had a friend with her and they had to go. its going to be hard helping her. she knows very little french, even less english, and i dont know chinese. but itll be fun!

and im ashamed to say it, but i didnt leave my apt building not once yesterday (sunday). but i really just didnt have the energy. it was sunday first of all, so everything was closed anyways. i was coughin stuff all day, fuckiiiiiin cigarettes! but on the other hand, because i took the time to decorate my walls a bit, its not so dull in here anymore. i spent the day watching youtube videos, then i switched it up a bit and watched about a dozen southpark episodes. i was going to finish watching princess mononoke, but i think i just passed out instead. i did make myself dinner, and i smoked a dubie with ikram and her friend. thang stopped by as well. today is his birthday and he wants to have a potluck tonight around 1830. and then cafe des langues. wow. having a routine makes life appear to go by faster. i mean, once youre in the motion its hard to break it. i told myself i was going to look through my japanese books for this week. yea, that didnt happen.

which goes back to what i was saying earlier, if we're always in the habit of doing the same things, we become older faster. hmmm, i believe i know how to slow down time. =D its just so much easier to always be absent minded.

i was reminded today about how poorly i manage time. and i suppose it also has to do with how important i feel something is... but not always. take for example: school, always late. papers, always last minute. church, always late. work. always late.. meal breaks were smoke breaks. this school job, ive actually been pretty punctual. i think i was maybe 5 minutes late once, 15 minutes late once. then there were those 2 times at the other school where i was 2.5hrs late, but it wasnt my fault... and they knew that, so, it doesnt count.

man, i have GOT to be ill with something. my head feels heavy with fever, my stomach has been ultra sensitive, im exhausted to move. i got ill the last time i was in europe, but it just felt like a 2 day thing. its been 4 days now. well thank god its vacation. eleni went to paris again! lucky bitch. and ashley went to nice and paris. pareil. whatever, im going to berlin. there was a rumor that we were supposed to be getting paid soon, like this week. i hope this is true because i have to pay rent this week. i bet if i asked my parents to pay for half of my berlin trip theyd throw down. i wont know until i ask!

tours finally got its firs kfc. thats right! kentucky friend chicken has made its way to the beautiful wine country of the loire valley. i believe the last time i had kfc was with john-mercer about 2 weeks just before i left. it was damn good. to show my appreciation, i am wearing my gold fangs, my hair in cornrows the whole week, as well as wearing my dunks. ill stop by sometime this week to enjoy.

my teacher, vero, gus' mom, who had me over for the bbq is on going to stop by in about an hour to scoop me up and take me to a hypermarche. which is sorta like a walmart im guessing? theyd have peanut butter and ranch dressing. i need a pillow, some food to cook something for thang's potluck tonight, um... i dunno what else. maybe an A hat.

sigh, life is consistent.
until next time
bear

please sunshine

im feeling a little... content.
a little acute if you may. you could call it comfortable or maybe confident.
ive got augustus pablos "please sunshine" on my media player right now.
i love this shit...
gus got me listenin to this organic music. that reggae, that rub-a-dub. it really does provoke a sense of well-being which is unavoidable.

so, i feel ive completely embraced my new life. now its only a matter of allowing my new environment to change me, to evolve me a bit.
i pray that the gods would shine some light on this empty vessel of mine.
i know so little, im not afraid to say it.
and im desperately eager to learn more.
make me your bitch and teach me the ropes zeus.

si on a toujours l'habitude de mener la meme vie, alors ca se fatigue. ca vous rend plus vieux plus vite si vous voulez. il est toujours necessaire dapprendre des choses de nouvelle.
(if youre always living in the same routine, it can become tiresome. even, it makes you older faster. its necessary to always be learning something new.)

my english is beginning to escape me. yesssss. but there are still holes (des troux) in my french vocabulary which prevent me from being 100% with french either. it can be quite comical actually. like when i used to be junked out and would forget my reality in the middle of a sentence. well, no, this is comical. that was just depressing because i actually could notice the deterioration of my brain, not just a memory lapse. hmm... but still fond memories nonetheless.

i was on the bus the other day thinking about that. how so many more people get into drug problems in the big cities. and well, i have to say that ive slowed down tremendously since my arrival in this small town, as i knew i would. atlanta has 4million residents, tours has only 400k. but you know, for every time there is a season and right now i have to grow up a little.

but like i said before, im very content.
and ive always been a dreamer.

life is beautiful like that. i am at my makers hand.
and its like i said way before, you make one life changing decision and then other ones become less frightening and then that much more desirable. and maybe the times were wild because i had nothing but the those days to look forward to. my obligations were as such that coming to work out of my mind was overlooked. once a junkie always a junkie. doesnt matter your drug of choice. human beings crave discipline and if theres nothing in our parameters which restrains us, we'll be as free as we think we can handle. its just very exhausting.

but what made me think twice about my way of life was feeling something even more powerful than myself. i was passing the evening with a friend of mine and i completely forgot time and space and i knew nothing but the absolute bliss which i was enveloped in. i decided that i didnt need any other high in life, just that new element. id become a total bitch, settling like that.

and i think we all crave some sort of overall fulfillment as well. there are some things ive desired since childhood. others that ive grown to appreciate that i know i couldnt do without. we're throughout our lives searching for those things which resonate deep in our souls. like the feeling you got the first time you were surrounded by wasted, sweaty people in a mosh pit... and then the music started. and you completely let go. the feeling you get when you taste your youth. or i believe i sometimes get the same feeling when i go to the bathroom... no really. some of our actions are so human that life couldnt be more simplified in any other way. we sleep, we wake, theres interactions, we eat, we shit, we sleep. this my friends is simplicity, is equality, is contentment, is satisfaction. its a mind boggling, beautiful feeling when you think about it.

but even still, there is so much more that is out of my control. i can only be at the hand of my own actions. you cant piss what i drink or shit what i eat. my battles are my own. my chemin(path) is chosen by my own two feet. this is my life homie, you decide yours. and although my eyes, ears, hands, mouth, heart can only experience its own pleasures, i can still appreciate the sensations of others. i love watching people in love, children at play, old people being old, young people being foolish. its only when you experience those same things for yourself that the reality of these actions, these feelings becomes orgasmic. ill never forget the first time i saw the eiffel tour. or flew on a plane. or had my heart broken. or fell in love.
but i had to experience the rainy days to know how to rightfully appreciate the sunny ones.

im playing a game with time now. i wont let her get the best of me. ive slowed down, and my patience is building up in return. it takes some people a lifetime to be here now. to not want anymore. to not need anymore. ill take what the wind brings me. and ill learn to appreciate it as well.

meanwhile the cigarettes just leave a bad taste in my mouth. the wine exhausts me. work will forever just be work. oh but life is beautiful because contentment is on my side. and im getting younger with every day.

white plastered walls painted with 356 shades of wonderful

so let me look at the calendar now and do a little bit of math... ive been in france now for 4.5 weeks. man. it really doesnt even feel like that short of time. i keep worrying that im not picking up more french at a fast enough rate, but ive learned a lot, and its ONLY been 4.5 weeks. i guess i feel like im not achieving enough because in comparison with my spanish immersion where i knew abcde of spanish, i pretty much had the whole french language already, accent and everything, so now its just a matter of letting it come out, increasing my vocabulary, learning a bit of slang, and learning how to talk shit with confidence.

so i went this past thursday to the rendez-vous point to go to the middle school in S. tours and the cunt didnt come again!! last week it was a damn strike, this week i think she went on a bike tour with some people? whatever dude, i wish shed at least let me know! cause see heres the thing, one of my classes had prepared an american breakfast for me! with pancakes, french toast, bacon, egs, juice, scones.... AND I MISSED THAT SHIT! instead, i was chillin out in a little coffeeshop in Joue waiting for the #30 bus to show up. i was the youngest person there by 35 years easily. some of the men were having beers at 1030am, others rose, i just had a shot of espresso and some pastries id picked up from the boulingerie around the corner. if youre ever in france and you stop by a patissiere, you must ask for a mousse de fruits rouges. its absolutely DELICIOUS! its like raspberry, strawberry, boysenberry mousse with fruit on top? its soooo good! im going to make a note to buy one everytime i pass through joue =D.

but seriously, im going to have the nicest legs and ass by the time spring rolls around. i live on the 5th floor!! WITHOUTH elevator! (in french, the 4th floor). so i go up and down at least 6 times a day. my thighs are lookin quite nice if i might say ^_^

so the past 3 days ive been decorating. the mundane, white plastered walls were filling my head with nothingness and i needed something to think about. so i chopped up my magazines. and coincidently, veronique gave me 4 french elle magazines, 3 of which i cut up... my dad always hated when i did that to my room. he said it made him feel weird to come in. heh, i feel dirty just looking at my walls too. but im a dirty girl.

i think i might be kicking it with gus and pascal maybe tomorrow early afternoon. ashley wants to meet up and go shopping, but id like to burn with the guys for a minute. we'll have our little "tea time", haha. i think veronique said something to her son gus about takin care of me so im not bored all the time. shes very sweet. in fact, she reminds me of an older, white, french version of my sister... ? very bubbly, eager to take care of anyone else, hospitable, laid back.

(pascal left, gus right) i went by pascals place tuesday afternoon and got some more herb. its a lot better than the last stuff i got. i think. or maybe its just been a while.. i think its pretty dank. ive been sleepin non stop... well, anywho, so when i was at pascals place he pulls out this bag of mexican mushrooms!! and hes like, "i didnt take them out last time because gus doesnt do them." so imma totally try and score some fungus from him. its fuckin vacation for the next 10 days son!

i think ill be going to Mt. Saint Michael in the NW of france for a day with francisco and his girlfriend. ugh. maybe i shouldnt. francisco really disgusts me. i swear hes got a different girl over there every night, and bless his girlfriends heart (who Thang, the german assistant, commented on today saying "shes not very pretty") but still! break up with her if you just want to screw around. asshole. newho, maybe i wont go if its just the 3 of us because i know too much about them and i dont wanna be put in that situation seeing straight through francisco and being disgusted for 8hrs of the day. besides mt st michael, veronique is going to take me to the beautiful chateaux chambord. its gorgeous. ive seen pictures. its on a lake... yea, ill take some pictures too. i still have to send my camera back to my folks. i should do it soon and then maybe, if theyre for serious planning on coming to see me in january (some people are fickle man!! i know how that shit goes. not sayin its intentional ever, but just unpredictable.) then maybe i can get it back by then. but fuh! cause stephanie and michael are coming for christmas so ill need it by then. shit. i gotta send it asap. right after chambord.

sorry i just spent a whole paragraph debating with myself about life, haha. but seriously, i think its time to go to bed. its the weeeeeekend baby! i only had 1 cigarette today. wow. it wasnt intentional, but, it felt good. i mean my lungs missed it, but mentally i succeeded... hmm...
alrighty, have a good'un
bear

i smell freedom... i smell vacaaaation!

its been a while. ive forgotten what i wrote about last time around... but i know a bit has happened since. damn, its been a LONG week. where do i start... so i finally met all my roomates and theyre all between 20-25, with the exception of Kenza (15). So the other night, my neighbor yohann stopped by my room (hes in school for electrical engineering of some sort... hes learning how to wire elevators) and asked if i had rolling papers. hmmmm. "yessss, may i ask what youre going to put in there?" "du shitre" (hashish), heh. remind you, id asked him before if he smoked anything and hed said no. Well, his buddies from school are always stopping by his spot after class, in the evening to game it up. so i went by and burned with them. then the following afternoon, his buddy abdul stopped by asking for papers again, and he invited me over. that evening, yohann ended up cooking dinner for about... 10 people!! me, yohann & 2 of his friends from school, my neighbors kenza and her sister ikram, icham - my neighbor on the other side, and the german assistant Thang came by with 3 of his german friends. we ate good, we boozed up, cheefed up, and then headed out!

it was about 1 when we left and didnt make i to piiiiimps until about 130. hah, can i just say it is absolutely obligatory from now on that i kick it with germans. fuckin WILD! i believe at one point this guy alex was approached by 2 french girls who asked him for a cigarette, to which he replied, "we my friend an i have 2 big cigarettes right here..." but he looks so fn innocent!!!
so we got turned away from pimps, im guessing cause the germans were wearing jeans and thats not cool. so then we had to walk to old town tours which is about 45 minutes back the way we came. but we made it to this small bar that had a dance floor downstairs and a stripper pole right in the middle of the floor. and that night in particular there just so happened to be a "safe sex" group there giving out free rubbers, and check this, FEMALE CONDOMS! i mean, ive heard of em, but never in my life have i been showed one, then explained how to use it. its like a fricken trash bag!! and the instructions manual, DEAR GOD! it was descriptive! i mean, i think we could get the gist after 3 pictures, but there must have been about 3 pages with 10 different images showing how to insert it. i mean, pubes and everything. i had a good laugh at it.

AND THEN! if that wasnt enough, there were this one butch lesbian and her friend (who strongly resembled Atlantas own clermont lounge star Blondie...). well, Blondie decides to get up and dance on the pole, go figure, and Thang (bless his heart) gets up there and is dancing with her! so im trying not to make it obvious that they look ridiculous, but i guess she thought i was diggin her, so she reaches out for me to get up there with her, "no thank you man"... so she gives me a rose instead! and i hate it when offensive people get all in your grill and are tryin to talk to you when youve never met them before in your life.. well, her breaf was rank and she said, "you better hold onto that rose!" yea, i still got it... its a rose for cryin out loud! plus i didnt want her to find me later that night without it and have her confront me about it.

what a night. i left kinda early with the germans, around 4 (cause european clubs dont close till 6am!). i got invited out the following night, but i cant hang like that man. no way jose. i mean... i can, but nah. yohann and his buddies invite me over to play playstation fromtime to time and burn. the other night, abdul came and knocked on my door asking if i had any hash. i didnt, so he went downstairs to buy some ciggs at the store and asked one person on his way... the second person asked him if he had any papers and he said, "i have papers if youve got hashish!" so he scored some free hash for just some rolling papers! damn. i told him that didnt happen too often in atlanta. theyre cool guys. they kinda... but no where near, remind me of my homies at ford factory. yea. 1 charles gille is where its at!

last monday and yesterday monday i had the chance to talk in portuguese at the cafe des langues. in fact, i do believe (and i was super stoked about this), i had conversations with people in every language i can handle- french, spanish, english, portuguese, and japanese. i went home feeling very satisfied ^_^. i even learned some dirty german, "mochten sie essen meine muschi?" mmm, try and go figure that one out. *snickers*

stephanie wrote me and told me she bought her ticket to come to europe!!! so... IM GOING TO BERLIN FOR CHRISTMAS/NEWYEARS TO MEET UP WIF MY HOME GIRL!! peeeee! im bummed i wasnt able to get to amstedam this weekend to meet up with mateo and valerie. i just didnt have enough of and advance notice and it was expensive as hell! the only way that would happen is if i can catch a ride with Pascal (weed man)... thats IF hes going. hmm... i should go call him btw. yeaaa.

i did my lessons today on halloween since french people know jack shit about it besides costumes and trick o treatin. haunted houses?? hay rides?? maize mazes?? bobbing for apples?? so i educated them about that stuff, then had them play a 10 questions game. each student chose a character and then the other kids in the class asked them questions to guess what character they were. vampire, warewolf, invisible man, the guy from scream, a pumpkin. i have one student who out shines ALLLLLL my classes combined, out of both schools. his name is Etienne. hes very witty too. ill have to think of way to keep him interested in the class. but it was a success because i got all the students talking and asking questions. we had fun. i just wish id brought them candy. i went to lunch after class with one of the teachers to this traditional creperie restaurant. it was really good.

soooo, now im chillin. im going to call pascal now so i can get my high on. no school tomorrow. friday afternoon starts the vacation- YAY! fingers crossed ill get to paris, or maybe back to chinon to scope out more castles. thatd be the cheaper option. and yea, i gotta strap down now frrreal. hope amerika is doin yall well!
bear

im evolving, you know, like a buttahfly

i have clean cloooooothes!!
i was finally diligent enough today to search out the nearest laundromat and wash my clothes. its been 3 weeks. had i not washed my clothes today, i wouldve had to result to wearing a fancy dress to school tomorrow, and you know i dont do that (dresses are ONLY worn for "dressy" events, or to impress someone) - i can wear whatever i want to school. to my surprise, it was not AS expensive as it could have been. it costs 3,50 for 6kgs of clothes, 3,90 - 7kgs, 6,30 - 10 kgs, 7,20 - 16kgs. and to dry, it costs 1euro for fricken only 10 MINUTES!! i spent less than 10euro so i was happy, and it didnt even take 2 hours.

im almost out of weed. and i looked at my bank account and i think i barely have enough to go to amsterdam to meet up with matt and valerie at the beginning of november. but i also havent heard from coke, corey, or jorge to know whether or not theyre going to make it out for the cannibus cup in mid november. so if i dont have to make that second trip, i may go ahead and throw down for this first one. the only thing that sucks is i dont know if im going to get my first paycheck by then or not. i mean, im supposed to have it by the end of october. i asked about an advancement and the secretary (who i find more and more comical) said shed call around and see if that was possible. shes exactly what i think of when a "french receptionist/secretary" comes to mind: chain smoker, scratchy voice, petite in shape, heavy wrinkles - though she may only be mid/late 40's, very crabby, and profane. i wonder which parents she'll offend and send running out the door. she already cussed at me.

if i dont make it to amsterdam just yet, ill just take a few days and go to paris. damn, its so awesome to be able to say that. "im going to paris for the weekend." hehe, yea, you know it sounds elite as fuuuk.


france lost to england in the semi-finals of the world cup. boo. i was really going for france. ironically enough, when id left my apt i just set out towards old town tours hoping that MAYBE someone would find me or that id see someone i knew. and sure enough Aine happend to be walking right behind me in this thick crowd. she was meeting up with a bunch of brits at a bar nearby. so i was one american cheering for france amongst a small group of brits, in a french bar. it was a good thing id only watched 2 rugby matches in my life or maybe i would have cared a bit more about the outcome. i called it quits early that night. the weed makes me a wee bit sleepy.

yesterday, sunday, i woke up rather early. maybe it was around 11. i forget. (i woke up today around 10. im trying to get into the habit of waking up earlier. its been a lifelong goal.) well yesterday, id originally wanted to ride the bus down avenue grammont to that park and chill out, but there was a huge bike race and none of the buses were running. and it would have been at least a 45 minute walk. and i didnt have any snacks prepared to take with me. so i ended up taking a walk down avenue beranger i believe. there were tables set up and it was a sort of flea market that stretched the whole length of the street. every family had their own table with all sorts of antiques, books, dolls, toys, childrens clothing, jewelry and other sorts. there were some snack vendors too, with barbes a papa (grandpa's beard- aka cotton candy), crepes, goulettes, sandwiches, croque monsieurs, baguettes, pizzas, hotdogs, polish sausages, nutella covered belgian waffles... and all types of other french favorites. alls i got was a crepe with strawberry jelly. MY FIRST CREPE SINCE IVE BEEN HERE!! besides that though, it was merely window shopping for me. some of the fashion is starting to draw my attention... one day ill have money and be able to keep up with the times. but i dont have the space in my apt really for anything excessive. and i have to sort of keep it simple. its even a bit much for me to buy books because they can way quite a bit. im learning to keep it practical. i dont have a permanent home yet. sigh... ill save those dreams for later.


im also learning to keep a routine. to take walks. to breathe the air (french air smells different). to eat each food group. to cook different, healthy meals with only one electric skillet and a microwave. to be worry-free. to be confident. to be in charge of my life. to be independent. to handle my responsibilities. to be professional. to keep it real. and to be comfortable and accepting as i evolve into my new self. because i am changing. and i am growing.



its monday again. i mean, really, last week sped by REAL quick. so that means another cafe des langues and i absolutely refuse to speak any english this time. not even with my iraki friend.

ive realized where im stumbling the most here. i can talk to adults and kids all day long in french and not even think twice about mistakes. but theres that middle language spoken amongst the people my age which baffles me. damn that verlan! thats what the french slang is called. the word verlan comes from "l'invers", which is to say the inverse of a word. take for example the word soeur (sister) = reuse. or frere (brother) = refe. louche (vulgar) = chule. and just like it took me moving into downtown atlanta to learn the real ebonics, it will take me putting myself in the heart of the college kids to learn some french verlan. but not only verlan, i want to learn the language of the streets as well. just as there is Standard American English, i speak standard france french, but i dont speak the everyday common french. so it sounds a bit too proper. my german neighbor loaned me his book of verlan. but its in german. so i can only guess what the expression really means if its not obvious.

so i made some friends with TAs and my french speaking neighbors, and a couple other english speaking people, but im still on the search for a crew. maybe not even a "crew" per say. it took me 4 years in atlanta before i finally felt id found a posse that suited me after my best friends parted and went in their own directions. (ford factory represent! - jorge and I) but im just waitin for some people my age to come along, that i can relate to, that listen to the same style of music at least!, that i can chill with, and that i can learn casual french with. i spend entirely too much time at my spot. i mean, yea, if i go outside i spend money and im trying to avoid that, but kickin it and havin conversations are free. ill hollar at my neighbor johann and see what he and his friends are up to next weekend if i stay in town. i just cant take anymore euro-techno bullshit. frrreal.

i made a list of things for my parents to send me. some of it (like peanut butter, ranch dressing, and college ruled notebook paper) just doesnt exist here, while some of it, it would just be nice to have:

recipes
packets of ranch dressing seasoning
peanut butter
ramen - beef, chicken, oriental
yogi green tea
sweaters
winter coat
winter boots (timbalands)
thermal underpants
hand warmers
hair grease- (its a black thing)
tea tree shampoo & conditioner & after conditioner
pillow cases
german grammar book
Ionesco “Rhinoceros” (book)
(2-3) spiral notebooks with perforated paper, college ruled
money - (because the exchange rate suck real bad right now)

it might cost them an arm and a leg to send all that. but, ill just tell them they can send what they think is necessary i guess. its probably going to cost near $200 if they send all of that.

oh, and one more thing i noted... the french girls here are absolutely STUNNING!! there are some really beautiful girls here. the men... not so much. i just dont see any french guy sweeping me off my feet at all. maybe becuase my heart is elsewhere.


until next time... heres to a good week!
bear

i found a most beautiful road

i found a most beautiful road thursday evening on my way home from buying herb. its actually the main road, rue national, which turns into avenue gambetta, and then after it crosses over the freeway and another small bridge, it enters into the suburbs. once you cross over the bridge the road is marked with TALL trees for about a kilometer. i rode the bus back around 730 in the evening and the sun was just beginning to go down. there were hills and benches behind the trees which made me think there were parks there. im thinkin about havin a little picnic there tomorrow. thatd be cute. tours is actually terribly romantic with the breathtaking loire valley, the loire river, the chateaux of chinon. and the climate here is befitting to the endless wine production.

this past week was my first week working with the kids every day. there were still some class periods where the teachers were not ready for me yet, but i had the chance to talk with the kids, tell them a little about atlanta/usa, myself... already after only one week i know who my brightest students are, the ones who need more attention, the ones who need more discipline, the shy kids... i intercepted my first note that was being passed in the back of class ^_^. i think the girls were shocked that i actually said something, but id be pissed if it were me teaching. yea. im going to spoil a lot of kids hopes for an easy TA. im a firm believer in discipline. and i am not afraid to beat your childs ass.

and actually, this week has gone by pretty... slow? besides going to the prefecture to get the extent on my visa, ive just been laying low, chillin with mary jane.

today i was up around noon and eleni came over around 1 so i could go with her to the pharmacy. theres a little drama going down in my apt building. so the columbian was spittin mad game at my greek friend. but hes got a girlfriend. and weve both met her. but the other night, somehow everyone decided to squeeze into my space to chill. ive been smokin herb all day, the columbian and her are both drinkin. next thing i know hes makin moves at her while theyre on my bed. i mean, whatever... you guys be sneaky. do what you do. but just figure that shit out in someone elses place. not mine. cause i dont want nothin to do with whats goin down. they finally left around... 230-3am... i dont think i got to bed until 5 that night.

well the condom broke. so i went with my friend not the following day, but the next day to get the morning after pill. let your lesson be learned kids. this shit is reality in yo face!

i also bought a new blanket for my bed!! its starting to get pretty cold and i dont want to have to wear a whole jogging suit to bed. or a room full of pillows would always be nice. there was also a sale on scarfs!! ,50 euro a piece!!! i got like... 6,50 in scarfs, so... 9/10 scarfs! yea. theyre all real cute.


WOW!! i learned how to put pictures in this thing!! awww snap!! time to go back and edit some blogs. alright, ill do that later.

so after a little shopping we came back to my spot and chilled, then she went home, and i went out to watch the rugby match. it was france vs england, and sadly enough france lost.

ive been having the strangest feelings lately. like im utterly within a dream, within a dream. some days the feeling is stronger than others. the certain people i meet. the settings in which i meet them. my being in france! perhaps this feeling is the feeling of enlightenment, of growing. i feel i dreamed a lot more when i was younger because there was so much that i didnt know. and now that ive moved to another world- because it is a whole different world- i have to learn everything all over again. but the odd thing is, i feel as if all that im learning now, my reality as it is right now, is just a much clearer, a much more graspable replication of the dreams i had as a child. the names of the people in my life are what ring a bell most. i was never able to place faces with my dreams then. im plagued with deja vu.

i just think of it as im in the right place, at the right time, doing exactly what i need to be doing in my life. i cant over think tomorrow or expect too much, or not prepare enough.

the first school holiday is coming up!!! its october 27- november 8, and im going to paris and amsterdam!! the plan is to go to paris for a couple days and then catch the train to the dam to meet up with matt p and valerie. go to the museum night. smoke some good maybe. that sorta thing. i just have to check the funds. hopefully ill get paid by the end of october, but theres really no way of telling. damn... i really want to go. cross your fingers for me. i still have 2 weeks to live on $300 AND pay for that trip... yarrrrrg!

the german TA thang ended up moving down the hall in the nice room i wanted but couldnt afford. hes pretty cool. i dont know why, but i have this odd thinking that because he speaks german and french that he should speak english too... but every time i start to talk to him in english, or if he starts to say two word s in english, he has to speak french. his parents are vietnamese, but he grew in dresde germany. hes teaching me german, and verlan- the dirrrty french slang!

im really quite proud of myself. ive woken up on time every morning so far for class. i havent been late yet!! seriously, this is a lifetime record. ive been late my whole life. its because im absent minded and i drift easily, i cant focus, forget my thoughts, forget my mind...

um... i also got my first summer job offer tossed at me. as an opair in bordeaux. for a small family with 2 kids- a 3year old and a 1year old. id have my own apt in the attic. and i could stay as long as id like. damn... im really not coming back.

my determination to perfect my french is getting stronger. i hate talking in english. and i hate not being able to follow 100% with what someone is saying. and i hate when people say i have a slight accent. so, this is what i need to improve. i just wish i could find a chill subculture to mingle with. "je n'ai pas l'habitude de parler." im not in the habit of speaking. i speak fine with adults, but im not yet comfortable talking with people my age. its a much more comfortable, relaxed french. that street french. ill find it. theres just so much youth, that plastic, all for the image, barbie shit. and its such a uniformed look. theres not very much variation or diversity here. so pretty much im free to do whatever i want.

well, im pretty tired. that weed i got is pretty good. but ive smoked about half already.

im feeling less inspired to write and more inspired to dream lately. im still getting used to my early schedule so bare with me for the time being.
much much love
joanna

what day is this?

well since i last wrote, ive begun teaching... SUCH a weird feeling!! because i dont see myself an educator at ALL! im a teacher.... weeeeird!! hahaha. which means, yes, i make lesson plans (more like... conversation material. i dont have to teach grammar at all!), i get to eat in the teachers lounge (with WINE!!), i get to cut i line to get my food ^_^...

oh, hahah.... just to state for the record... i went to pimps with my friend elenika, the greek cyprete gal... it was a pretty gay club, haha. i mean... pretty homosexual gay. i told everyone later about it and they were shocked. im like, uh YEA!! the dudes were all over each other! not like the european friendly, but kneckin each other! haha. it was cool, but if youre not expecting that, and youre sober, ya. ^_^ and their dancing!! aw man... thats another thing. they totally should have gone to find some raver club... it was INSANE!!

anywho, back to teaching...
im beginning to prefer one school over the other though. I like the teachers at the bigger school. the students are so bad!! and i prefer the students at the smaller school. the teachers there gossip more than the students! i swear!

saturday afternoon, october 6, i met up with some TAs and we went to the movies (my first time here!) and we saw Ratatouille. it was so cute!! ive been really emotional lately... ugh. so i was cryin and shit. but it was cute, and they were happy, inspirational tears =p. i found i understood a lot more if i didnt try and focus too hard on what they were saying. after the movie, i went and chilled in the park with another american ashley from new orleans, a scott grahame, and a german phillip. we just sat and talked for a little over an hour and watched some circus gypsies juggle, and some jocks play rugby. it was chill. that night i watched my first ever rugby match between france and new zealand. it was the quarter-final match and france won 20-18, and you would have sworn it was a world cup match or something. the people were going CRAAAZY! it sucked that i lived downtown too cause cars were still blowing their horns at 2am... yarrrrg! hah, but it was hilarious because all the french people were like, "france won against all blacks!!"

ok, so my interpretation of this was that new zealand's team was all black people, right... how else would you interpret that??? NOOOO! sigh, so i finally had someone explain it to me cause i was confused as hell. they refer to new zealand as the "all black" team because back in the 70s , in the beginning of rugby history, their uniforms were all black and so when they played france, they were referred to as the blacks... and they STILL call them all blacks.... sigh, now i get it!
i watched the game with a bunch of TA's at the same bar where the cafe des langues is held, and then after the match we made our way to old tours and it was even CRAZIER there!! they completely trashed the city. it was so festive!! so next saturday, for the semi-finals, we're going to make a reservation to watch the game at a bar, probably in old tours since it was soooo krunk.

on sunday, the 7th, the head of the english department at the bigger school scooped me up around noon and took me to her house near Chinon (the land of MANY chateaux) in a small city called Thilouze, and we had a cookout with her son augustine and his friend pascal. heh... fingers crossed, pascal will answer his phone the next time i ring him... hes my new weed man ^_^ its crazy how my teachers have brought me to the goods. but what was also interesting was that augustine and pascal knew more about american hip hop than all the french people ive met here combined!! they werent too keen on atlanta... not that they didnt like it or anything, but they preferred detroit for some reason... i dunno. but one of the first things pascal asked me in english was, "you like bluntz?" my toes were a-twinklin!! he also has a dog called Nawek, who is part german shephard, who is about to be a baby dady... ... ... hells yea im getting a dog in a couple months!!! yea, i know. worst idea ever. but i think thats exactly what i need right now =p after our picnic and about 5 bottles of wine, my teacher and i drove to see a couple chateaux, but they were all closed cause we took too long eating. but im going to go back another weekend. pascal and augustine said they go often to holland, by car, so im going to totally hitch a ride next time. if pascal's girlfriend is cool with that, hah.

on a more sad note, my camera dropped (the first time ever) and the fn display screen doesnt work anymore. so im going to have to ship it back to USA for my dad to take it to be fixed.... ugh!!!! you know how long it could be before i get it back??? it could be MONTHS!!! and i know my mom is going to be mean and just say, "i told you you didnt deserve anything that nice..." she hurts my feelings when shes so pessimistic all the time like that. sigh.

i talked to the kids about the seasons for my first day of teaching. the 2 classes in between asked the most questions. i was there from 8am-noon, then i had some lunch before returning back downtown. and now im chillin. deuce deuce!

day 10 - piiiiiimps

today was my first day of class!!!

im trying to write more frequently, cause i know its a bother to have to read long ass blogs all the time... well, my attention span is short as fuh at least. i had to wake up today at the buttcrack of dawn (730) to catch the bus at 8 to be in ballan mire by 9 for my first class. I MADE IT!! wow, it was so hard though. i kept wanting to fall back asleep, and i came close to a couple times...

i didnt really do much at all today though. it was mostly just a day of observation, seeing the different classes and what level each class is at. the worst classes were the 9th graders (in france, middle school goes from 6th-9th grade). and the 6th graders were so fuckin precious and enthusiastic about everything!! they asked me all kinds of questions like where i was from, if i had a tv in my house what i was afraid of, when my birthday was... but they didnt know too much english and im not really allowed to speak to them in french. they all asked me if i knew french. the 9th graders asked me cause they wanted to know how much they could get away with saying to me... for that reason, i told them all i was 24. busters. they were actually pretty annoying though. but its a challenge, and im always up for that. but i think ill be able to influence the younger kids easier. on another not, elvis presley is also in the french curriculum... not sure why.

i was at school all day, from 9 till 4, and then i caught a ride from a french, french teacher. shes going to be my carpool ride for the year. her name is claire, shes real purty, young, nice.

tonight im going to PIMPS! haha, everytime i say it i have to say it like, "Piiiiiiiyimps!" it was originally going to be me, francisco, his girlfriend alexandra, and the greek girl eleni, but alexandra is exhausted (i should be too cause i got up so damn early, AND i have class at 8am tomorrow morning) but whatev... i want to go out, and ive set my mind on it already. so im waiting on eleni right now and then we're going to walk down the street there. hopefully its ladies free tonight. i dont want to pay a damn cent! man... i got so spoiled in atlanta. im talkin, "on the street all the taxis [were] showin me love cause i shine like a princess in the middle of thugs, and at the club all the bouncers recognize my face, so while you standin in line we walk right into the place!" frreal. its s'cool. imma establish that same status here. i need some tome though. this is only my first night going out.

so lets get this party started right!!

day 7/8/9 - this is the first day of my life

man! it doesnt seem like its been 3 days since i last wrote a blog, but i guess that is in fact the case.

before i forget, here are some other things which have stuck out to me about Tours....
the night club down the street from me is called Pimps
michael moore is written into the french curriculum
there are a shit ton of people who take rollerblades around town
i cant get paid until every last TA in my region has opened up a bank account, and there are a lot of us...

I GOT MY FIRST LETTER IN THE MAIL YESTERDAY!!
my buddy shannon from gsu sent me a letter in the mail and i got it when i returned from orleans tuseday evening. i was so happy to get it! it made me do a little dance around my studio ^-^ keep em coming! its very encouraging to know im still being thought of. life goes on, but i keep all you guys on my heart still. with your closest friends you know that no matter how much time goes by that you dont see each other, when you finally meet back up, whether it be weeks, months, or years, you know that not a damn thing will change between you. send me your address and ill write you a letter too!

auroralynn8@aol.com

now lets see, monday, monday... monday morning i awoke around 11am and shortly after i caught the bus towards ballan-mire to pay a visit to my second middle school. to my dismay, there are probably only about 4-5 buses that run from downtown tours to ballan on a daily basis, so i had to catch a bus to joue les tours (where brittany stays), and then i phoned the school letting them know i was trying to get there, but there wasnt another bus for at least another hour, so one of the principals just came and picked me up from in front of a jewelry store.

my second school is MUCH much bigger than the first one. there are only about 250 students in Saint Cyr, and 550 in ballan. and i am the only english TA at both schools... i was lucky enough to be placed at two schools where the secretaries are on top of their shit and i dont have to run around in circles confused. generally, french people are very unorganized and scatterbrained, and dont communicate well amongst themselves. i received my schedules from the two schools. Im only working tuesday, thursday, and friday of the week. tuesdays and fridays i am teaching in saint cyr, and then thursday im at ballan all day. which is convenient, sort of, because ballan is so far away (an hour bus trip). i could take the train there, a 10 minute ride, but ive already bought a bus pass for the month, so i think ill just tough it up and take the bus at 8am. i met my 3 english teachers whom ill be helping there. one lady is british, and one is from new jersey, and i dunno about the 3rd, i dont remember. the american had a crazy story of how shed come here to study i believe and then met a guy, then when she came back a year later to teach english, she was coincidently placed in the same city as his father. they got married and shes been living here for the past 20 years.

i made my way back from ballan after only about an hour of walking around the school, and talking with the principals an such, and when i returned to tours i went straight to the bazar to buy pots and pans and plates and silverware and groceries so that id be able to cook for myself. im running out of money again =/... when i got home around 7, i started cooking for myself, some spaghetti with chunky meat sauce (homemade!!), but i ran out of time to thoroughly enjoy my meal because the language cafe started at 20h30 and i wasnt going to miss that!! but of course, i walked halfway across town to where i THOUGHT it was at, only to realize upon my arrival that it was in fact right in front of my apt building... well hey, i got some exercise. and when i returned, there were at LEAST 50 people sitting outside. as i walked by each table, i noticed different signs in the middle indicating which language was being spoken at that table in particular. there was german, italian, greek, english, french, french sign language, and japanese, but no spanish!! so i told the lady that was in charge that i wanted to speak spanish and she told me to hang out for a minute and more people would come. sure enough this guy francisco showed up and he and i began speaking together. he was from columbia. i told him my neighbor was this columbian named francisco too! how ironic... so more people started showing up, and before long there were about 10 people at the spanish table, but only half of them were speaking spanish because the other half found out i was american and wanted to practice their english with me.... yarrrg... well, after about a couple hours, id met a young french girl named laura who was studying spanish at the university, and older gentleman from Iraq who didnt speak spanish, but he wanted to practice his english, and older french man who was just slightly a pervert (but most old french men are im coming to find out. when i was in orlean earlier that day, another drunk old man approached me and started talking about how young people these days dont have sex for love anymore, its just to hook up. and hed bought a prostitute for 5o0euro, but he couldnt get another wife who actually would love him. a friend of his ordered a mail-order bride for 18000euro, and after she arrived in france she dumped him...)... there were a number of other people from columbia and france at the spanish table as well. francisco had moved to the other end of the table for a moment, but since returning to my end of the table and we started talking again. i asked him where he lived and he told me Rue Charles Gille, and i said, "ME TOO!" yea, turns out HES my neighbor. hah! well, i stayed there until about midnight and then francisco and i returned back to our flat and said our adieux.

the next morning (tuesday, oct 2) i woke up bright and early before the sun broke over the horizon and walked with bryan to the train station to catch the train to Orleans for our TA orientation. there was a small group of about 6 or so other TAs there already. Brittany made it not even 5 minutes before the train left! but i was SO glad she made it. when we got to orleans, (a 1hr train ride) there was a HUGE group of TAs at the station who had come from all over the centre region, and we walked together to the salle eiffel where the meeting was. as it turned out, there were TAs for spanish, german, english, italian, and portuguese there. but there were people representing countries from all over the world... new zealand, south africa, trinidad and tobogo, jamaica, canada, australia, italy, germany, mexico, ireland, scotland, portugal, britain, usa, spain, ummm.... i cant think of anywhere else significant off the top of my head... they fed us some chocolate croissants and oj for breakfast, gave us a presentation, and then we split into groups and went on a small tour of the city of Orleans. Joan of Arc is HUGE here. she lifted the siege at orleans... um, i remember talking about it in french history class, but ya know... its been a while and thats all i remember... it was raining pretty much the whole time we walked around the city, but not too hard. when we returned to the meeting room, they had prepared a niiiice big buffet for us with chicken, beef, ham, wine, bread, cheese... typical french food. there was couscous too, but im not crazy about that. and i could have drank more wine, but i took it in moderation. brittany had a couple glasses though and she was starting to turn a bit red, haha. we also had the privilege to meet to american ambassadors!! they were two women. one was kinda odd looking and she moved like a robot and had a crazy look in her eyes... i met another TA who smokes weed, yay! her name is stephanie and shes from the Bay area of california. go figure she smokes weed. shes quite a rad chick to say the least.

we finally left the meeting and by this point, id met some other TAs who were living in Tours. Aine (pronouned Oh-Neh) from ireland (this is my new favorite name ever ^_^), and ashley from new orleans. so me, brittany, aine, and ashley walked around a minute in the mall area and got some smoothies while we waited for our train to go back to tours and chatted it up. we found an H&M!! and it turns out there isnt one in Tours. this one is the closest to us, so we ladies might be taking some train trips here. or what the hell, we'll just go to paris instead for 40euro round trip.

i didnt get back to tours until around 5pm and i went right to mac D's to do the internet thing since id lost my free signal at my spot. it goes in and out from day to day. i found out that my cousin is going to be a father!! and he and his baby mama are going to get married in december!! but i wont be there for it =(... it came as a big shock to me. i havent spoken with him in a while, but i knew he was doing well as a manager of a couple coffee shops in tampa and was dating her.

when i got back to my spot, francisco, me and another one of our neighbors, Elodi, who i just met as i was going to the toilet (one of the 2 french girls on our floor) came to the agreement that we'd share the wireless connection between the three of us - 10euro a piece/month. which is pretty damn good. francisco and i stayed up until about 2am chattin it up. i had a couple glasses of wine and my french became a lot easier. or maybe i just got more relaxed and lost my inhibition. we talked about anything and everything. life, languages, love, the world, religion, good night clubs to hit up, ect. and the whole time we kept going between english, french, and spanish. it was quite awesome!

after i walked back to my room around 2, i stayed up ANOTHER 2 hours fooling around uploading pics online to my ringo site. (all my pics are there if you guys care to check them out)

http://www.ringo.com/photos/recent.html?memberId=131833298

consequently, i woke up late today for my second TA meeting at 9am. i awoke at 915... hah, check this, so id bought a new alarm clock since the one i bought in the states got demagnitized or somethin in airport security. but it doesnt have a snooze. so when i woke up this morning, i turned it off and for some reason placed it right next to my face on my pillow, as if it would go off again, and i passed out. i was about 35 minutes late to the meeting =x my bad. but they didnt say anything, and later i talked to bryan and he said he was 20 minutes late himself.

the meeting yesterday was somewhat informative, but i think i left a bit more confused, and a bit upset that i still had so much more federal stuff to complete before i could sit back and relax. i have to get the extension on my visa, a doctors visit to make sure im in good health - which i have to wait for THEM to send me an apt and then go BACK to Orleans for the visit. something about i cant travel until i get all that done, but our first vacation is at the end of oct until nov 8, and im going to want to go somewhere these 8 days. i have to apply for some govt aid too. but ill get an additional 140euro a month which is sweet. thats extra travel money for sure!

the meeting today however was where i learned my shit. it turns out i AM going to have to prepare some lesson plans (weeeeeird!). i learned what level of english my students will be at, and what all ill be able to teach them, and then we divided up into groups of 3/4 to make sample lesson plans. ours was pretty good. we made a family tree and incorporated a number of grammatical elements into it, as well as vocabulary, and discussions, and individual work. i was paired with a canadian and a texan, they were both very energetic. the problem lies in what all we can and cant talk to the class about. some kids have lost their parents. and what is the "nuclear" family of 2007? we couldnt get too much into "typical" families, because they dont exist, but we kept it very general while managing to incorporate cultural aspects of our own country.

we ate in the high school cafeteria that afternoon... there were bottles of wine on the tables, and i totally thought they were bottles of oil/vinegar... man... but s'cool. s'not like wine is expensive around here or nothin. after we finished up our meeting around 16h, we went on a small tour of Tours, but id seen it all by getting myself lost and finding my way around. so when our guide left, me and my ladies (aine, brittany, ashley) walked down rue national towards place jean jaures. ashley needed to buy a hair dryer, brittany needed to buy a bus card, and i needed to make an apt to open a bank account (no, i still dont have one). today was Aine's 23 birthday in fact! but she had to return home by 19h for dinner with her host mother. shes trying to move closer to the city for convenience sake, but the older lady she stays with is totally bummed out she wants to leave. i think she really enjoys the company.

when i finally said goodbye to everyone, i went home and made some dinner, then francisco and his girlfriend alexandra came home, and the greek girl from cyprus, Eleni, whom we'd met at the langauge cafe came by and we all hung out at franciscos and chatted it up. i showed them where id lived downtown on the google satellite, and eleni showed us her town in cyprus. alexandra is studying law at the university and she actually lives in Chinon. i told her im going to come stay a couple days with her so i can visit all the chateaux there. and there are a TOOOOON!!

siiiiigh, and now, its 130am, and i have to wake up in 5 1/2 hours to go to ballan. its almost the weekend already!! i have class tomorrow and friday, and on saturday a bunch of us are going to the movies in the afternoon and then out for drinks. that should be quite fun. tomorrow night, im going to PIMPS!! with francisco, alexandra, eleni, and maybe some others. pimps is my new MJQ... maybe, we'll see. if the music is decent. they have two rooms as well, but i want to say they play rock and maybe salsa?? but i should be able to get in free cause im a girl, francisco says. or maybe its free before midnight. dunno. ill write allll about it next time. take care everyone!
all my love
bear

day 6 - say SOMETHING! ANYTHING!

30 september 2007

today was a fun day... I thought since i was in by 22h last night that id wake up early today... i didnt wake up until 14h!! so i awoke, had a slice of bread, and oj for breakfast. id bought some cheese at the grocery last night and it totally made me want to barf, it was so disgusting. then i set out looking for an internet cafe, but EVERYTHING is closed on sundays. i walked about 20 minutes to the nearest university building cause theyre all spread out across the city (same school though), and even it was closed. Didnt even have wifi. OH! before i left, i successfully blew out my hairdryer as well as a fuse... oops! That makes 2 appliances now that ive busted. at least i didnt start a fire though. when i got back from my long, unnecessary walk (well, at least i got exercise and out of my room), i caught a wireless signal from the cell phone store Orange, i paid 11 euro for 4 hours of wifi, only for my computer to freeze up right after it was validated. So i couldnt even go to my email to get my password. So then i played diner dash for maybe 45 minutes and stole my neighbors pot to make Ramen. Damn straight i brought 4 packs of chicken ramen wif me!! And a chocolate chip peanut butter cliff bar ^_^.

Its 20h now. and ive been couped up in my room for nearly all day sauf like 1hr of walking around, and shower time... im running out of music to listen to (if thats possible. Ive got almost 3000 songs on this baby). Time to switch to my foreign selection. I just hope i can wake up tomorrow morning for my appt at the bank... Then i have to get a phone, then go to ballan mire to visit my other school, then visit brittany at joue, then go to the cafe des langues to make friends =). But at least i can use my bus pass starting tomorrow. I want to meet my other neighbor francisco to talk to him in espanol.

i had some hard dreams last night that woke me up with tears in my eyes and a feeling in my chest like my heart had been ripped out... i dont want to talk about...

Ive been through some shit in my days. I can handle a lot more...

On another note... I have tears in my eyes cause i cant get high. Seirously... ... Im so fucking over these cigarettes. I just need some weeeeed damnit! Booze sucks. Hash sucks too. Theres no such thing as withdrawl from marijuana. But its like, when youre in a 4 year long relationship with someone and all of a sudden they become completely unreachable... and even, every wonderful sensation that you knew while you were with them has been erased from your memory... yea, kinda like that. Like your hearts being ripped out of your chest... mary jaaaaaane!!!

I was chillin in my room and all of a sudden my doorbell rang!! what!!, i have guests??? it was Brittany and Teddy stopping by!! well, theyd stopped by earlier, before i went to the mcdonalds (which is the only place ive found with free wireless!!), and it caught me off gaurd cause i really didnt think id have visitors for months. luckily they caught me when i came back from mc D's. and they brought me pizza too! teddy says the bank HSBC is for rich people, and im not rich. but he works for the bank Caisse d'Epargne. thats where brittany opened up her account. she said she went in the morning, got an appt for that afternoon. they told her she could go ahead and use up to 100euro now, even though she hasnt put any money into her account, and then shes allowed to overdraw up to 300euro within the year, sos long as her account is back to a positive amount before we leave... so im going to go there. im probably not going to get a cell phone plan cause i dont want to be bound. and its not like ive a shit load of people to call...

sigh, okee. im retiring for the night. im going to start a flickr account tomorrow. cause not everyone has facebook, which is where ive been posting everything.

heres to a good week world!!

day 5 - i love too much. is that so wrong?

cause i moved into my appartment yesterdayyyy and just now found the correct angle to point my laptop sos i can steal internet... ^-^ YESSSSS!
back to blogging...
bear


"Vexation of spririt is a waste of time;
Negative thinking, don't you waste your thoughts;
Verbal conflict is a waste of words;
Physical conflict is a waste of flesh;
People will always be who they want
and thats what really makes the world go round.
Unconditional love is scarce...
youve always been there for me
so ill be there for you..."
~d. marley

I give my love freely to those with a heart big enough to receive it. You see, mine tends to overflow on the regular, and if ive nowhere to pour it out to, it becomes hard for me to grow. and if your heart is full already, youll see no need for making room for what i have to offer...
I give my love freely with no expectations, no ties, no binds, no promises... only the guarantee that should you ever need something, anything, you have me. Not everyone will be open to receive it. and ive no way of knowing if anyone will be open to accept it at all. but i surely wont hold back.
I give my love freely not knowing who will accept it or who will reject it, or who will turn their nose up at it without speaking two words to me. But ill love no two people differently, because everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, and no one deserves anything less.
and quite frankly, its the only way i know...




I thought i loved to draw, but all i could think to draw were words. and then i began to write...

29 september 2007
I moved into my spot. its cute. enough space for one person. i think im going to grow to love it. not TOO much hopefully... i plugged up my DOPE alarm clock that had nature sounds to wake me up (roosters, ocean, seagulls, crickets, birds, rainforest, shit like that...) and i guess it needed a surge protector, but it busted not even 5 minutes later, and ill never get to use it... Grace a dieu!! i didnt use the same plug for my laptop or god forbid the battery charger for my camera. Damn... but even worse, now ive no way to wake myself up in the morning. Ill have to figure that out by monday cause theres work to begin. I didnt get settled until after 19h, which didnt give me much time to grocery shop. Im on a TIGHT budget. i mean. i could live comfortably if there werent so many places i wanted to travel to.

So i finally sat down after walking about 20 minutes to the nearest supermarket open this late, which happend to be in vielle Tours (a bit over priced if you ask me). But i spent the last of my loot on food that hopefully will last me a few days. Im going to try and take full advantage of school meals, and check out the university next week too. I cant afford to take classes right now. Not unless i can use hope, but i think its too late for this semester for that nonsense. Ill figure school out later. maybe MUCH later...

Meanwhile, i want to travel!!!!! im thinkin amsterdam around mid november to meet up with corey, jorge, and coke for the cannibus cup, berlin maybe, london, paris, geneva, and hopefully i can get back to spain... if not granada, maybe lugo at least so i can visit Petra. Maybe shayne would be down to go to Rambutan with me in the spring when he gets here in april from korea. also, i was checking ryanair and i found some cheap flights to Oslo, Norway... HELL YEA!! thatd be tiiiiiiight ^-^ . Ill have about 300euro extra at the end of each month to spend. If i could score a eurail pass, thatd be ideal too. But my parents would have to buy that in USA and mail it to me. then i could travel wherever for pretty cheap. Ill do the research and the math. Im the master at plannin trips. just ask my dad ^_^. Amsterdam is very feasable. and thats numero uno on my list.

My french felt a bit more confident today. Now that im officially moved in, i think this french life ive chosen will become second nature to me. theres just something unsettling about living out of suitcases... and even, now that im out of the principals house, i wouldnt mind going out dancing with him... maybe?

my neighbors to my immediate right are morrocan. a mother and 2 daughters who moved here to france because the education is better here for women than there. i had to borrow their internet to get my password for the internet i paid for (GUH!). one of the daughters is in high school, and the other is in college. and to my left at the end of the hall is a tall, thin columbian named francisco whos studying commerce/trade at the university. i havent met him just yet, i just saw him go to the bathroom... hah. i wonder if bryan found a spot yet.

i want to go dancing!! i hope i find friends soon...

day 4

today wasnt very eventful, at all. pretty much, i woke up, not until like 13h, i think cause i took some "herbal" sleeping pill last night that a friend had given me before i left. after a small breakfast of fruit and tea, i went by the school to fill out the rest of my paperwork, then went into town and walked around all...day...long. i couldnt get an appt at the bank until monday morning (which is weird because everyone ive talked to since has been like, the bank is closed monday... i hope i didnt misunderstand... lost in translation. i surely cant go tuesday cause ive to be in Orléans by 930am. ill figure it all out next week. but then that also meant i couldnt get a cell today. and i was thinking that maybe id stay 11 months instead of 9, sos to be able to get a phone plan (for that reason alone...) and then just pay the difference before i leave for the last month, but then it struck me that ill no longer be getting paid after april. which would mean that thered be 4 months that id have to support myself sans salerie (im forgetting how to write in english. i keep wanting to spell everything the french way). im all about getting another job somewhere, but i dunno where. or maybe ill become a frreal nomad and hook up with some gypsies to travel around with. beg for a while... you know, be free like a bird in the wind. but i have all my life that i brought over with me from amérika, so that might not work afterall.

when i took the bus into town this afternoon, a group of about 20 or so elementary kids got on and they were so friggin cute!! i even snuck a short video clip of them (coming to youtube soon!) i wanted to adopt one so theyd hold my hand and then walk around town with me speaking in french and asking me every which sort of question. kids speaking in other languages is the most precious thing ever. and then, all of a sudden, i started feeling ill... i froze. it was the beginning signs of baby fever!! FUCK THAT!! id seen it happen to my friend erin before i left atlanta. but it was different for her. shes about to get married in less than a month, she just bought a house not even two months ago, a good job that pays well, not to mention shes 23... sooooo far from 22 dude!... man, fuck that idea for like another 3 years at least! nomads dont have kids!.. and then... the kids got off at the next stop, and i could breathe again.

i walked around town snapping some shots of the city, but i hate looking like a tourist, so i was timid and tried to take them sneakily. and let me just say, i realize that all my pictures are self-taken, and meant to seem like a 3rd party took them, but cut me some slack brah!! at least until i make some friends to take the pictures with! i feel like ive been extremely shy and much too soft spoken and way too hesitant though to make any friends... im not scared of being in a foreign land, nor am i usually this shy, its just exhausting seeking out new friends. and the ones i had in atlanta were tha BOMB (you know you guys are!!). i want new friends to come to meeee!! =( or someone to visit me once a month... well, i guess either i find friends fast or these blogs are going to become deeeepressing.

i used to be introverted once upon a time, believe it or not... i was keen on small dark corners, closets, hiding beneath the bed and then passing out there... my mom said i used to crawl up into the round turny clothes racks at the mall while she was shopping and hide beneath it, and sometimes id even fall asleep there^-^... fuck swedish mattresses, massage chairs, or jaccuzis... know that when youre looking for comfort, dark spaces while in the fetal position is where its at my friends!! nothing like closing your eyes and visioning yourself back inside the womb... ... (i swear im sober as a jew right now!)... but even my new landlord was saying that the people in this town are a bit snobby cause its Toraine. and they speak the purest french in all of frenchtopia! kinda like people in the north north east of usa in boston. i mean, the people who are actually born and raised in ivy town, not those who migrate there.

i scoped out downtown since ill be living there starting tomorrow night and i had to find all my specialty stores like the boulingerie (bread), patisserie (pastries), charcuterie/boucherie (meats), and the marché for all my other grocery needs. i cant eat out. it too expensive. maybe like once a month or somethin. i went by a travel agency today too... gotta scope out travel prices so i can plan trips during my vacation time. forgot when that is. ill ask next week at orientation. but im pretty sure i might end up going to amsterdam(nov) and germany(dec) this fall, oslo(mar) & spain in the sping(may). and paris, when i feel like it. thats only 37euro round trip. and i have a classmate teaching there to stay with. spain is going to be the most expensive cause im going to granada to visit maktub & rambutan, the chillest hostels in europe, & lugo to visit a friend from high school whos playing pro ball there now. maybe ill get a job at one of the hostels in granada and stay for a few weeks at the end of my teaching to brush up on my español. we'll see...

one last note, i got home early tonight so i wouldnt get stuck without a bus ride home, and i got back around maybe 20hish or so? the principal came back around 2130, drunk, talkin 'bout, "i havent gone out dancing yet, that doesnt start for another 45 minute, then he totally dipped back out, and just got back now at 2am. and he couldnt keep his eyes open ^_^ hells yea! he was like, "dont tell your parents your that you principal stays out all hours of the night!" dude... hes the one im going to if im hung-over and late for work in the morning! newho, its late and i have to pack my stuff up again and move tomorrow. hope you guys have a wild friday night!!
amour amour